To think MIL is being unreasonable and there's nothing wrong with hand-me-downs?

[Ladyofeternalleisure]

I have DS1 (almost 5y) and DS2 (3y). Once the eldest has outgrown his stuff it goes straight into younger sons wardrobe. I keep pretty much everything, from coats and jackets to t shirts and pyjamas. I get rid of bobbly stuff and anything with rips and tears or stains that won't come out. That doesn't mean DS2 never gets anything new. I occasionally pick bits up for him in the sales, or if he needed something like pjs or trainers. But he doesn't usually need anything as I already have it saved from ds1.
Recently mil and fil saw the boys in their winter coats which I just took out from storage. Ds1 had a brand new one on and ds2 was wearing ds1's old coat from last year. Still in fantastic condition and was only worn for a few months. They've been making comments to DH asking why we're always dressing him in old clothes. I mean he's a 3 year old he literally couldn't care less what he's wearing? He wouldn't even know or remember that it's his brothers old coat. And it's not like he never has new stuff just for him as I'm regularly going sales shopping. So were they being unreasonable??

Us out of touch oldies have been using and passing on second hand clothes for decades. Hardly the preserve of the progressive new generation, mate.🙄

I don’t think they care, I definitely still did pass things on. Some things were passed on to my oldest from his cousin too so he got second hand things too. I guess because of my husbands experience I was more conscious of making sure I did buy ds2 new things as well - plus ds1 was a grub so often his clothes were ruined anyway.

in my husbands case though his brother was very obviously the favourite and I think the clothes were just another factor in that. Both him and his sister had bad teeth but only she got braces. Apparently doesn’t matter for boys. His brother didn’t need them but he said if he did he would have got them for sure.

with my boys I now spend a fortune on clothes for my middle son as he likes nice clothes and dressing up in shirts and ties ect. My oldest is ASD and likes soft gray clothes 😂.

I put in an earlier post that the clothes should fit the younger child reasonably well and I think more of neutral colour clothes and coats that will not go out of fashion.

A few people have asked this and yes, she is the youngest of her siblings so perhaps this is where it's coming from. However she is just not the type to care for fancy new things herself, she is not into fashion, she wears her things to death before buying new stuff for herself. She doesn't believe in spending unnecessarily

Yup I agree and always make sure the clothes are fitting him properly and they always do. There's around 1.5y age gap between the boys so it kinda works perfectly. Just as eldest grows out of something, youngest grows into it and can immediately start wearing it. Things don't go out of fashion in just a year or 2

Lol @ your ds1 being a grub 😆 mine is very precious about his stuff and looks after it quite well, which I'm not complaining about! Means I can hand it down and get proper use out of it!

Families have been passing on hand me downs as long as there have been children. I can see why someone who had rather too much old stuff might notice or comment but there's nothing wrong with it. DH was the youngest of about 8 cousins so the clothes were over a decade out of date by the time they got to him.

I've passed clothes from older to younger DS until they got to teens and diverged in style, perhaps they were trying to make a point!

Tell her she’s very welcome to buy him a new coat if it bothers her.

I still do this with my 15 & 13 year old. The rate the 15year old grows he’s barely in anything 5 mins!

I do this with my boys (nearly 3 and 19 months). 18months gets a few new outfits each seasons/age bracket but the majority of his clothes are ‘hand-me-downs’ and when my youngest has finished with them I hand them down to my friend who little boy is bout 7 months younger than my youngest so they all get worn a third time too.

The only thing we haven’t been able to hand down are shoes, youngest is in a wide fitting shoe whereas eldest was a standard width…but I had kept them all with the intention of my youngest wearing them too!

Unfortunately my youngest may catch my oldest up in shorts sizes next summer, he’s nearly 4 but till wears 18-24m (or 2-3 if they have a drawstring) in shorts due to being skinny (I have a nightmare with trousers for him). Youngest is 19 months and on the chunkier side so was just going in to 18-24m as the weather changed. I think they’ll both be in 2-3 next summer! 🙈

Unfortunately he still is!

one thing I did always pass down was school
uniforms. Can’t anymore as they are same size now, but also as the boys now wear cream coloured shirts so you can imagine how they go. Ds1 does art and always comes home with paint on his clothes as he ‘forgot’ to put on the apron.

I said this to DH, she should buy her poor little deprived grandchild a new coat if she wants. She won't though!

I was perfectly happy wearing my elder sibling's castoffs but remember refusing a jumper my younger sibling had outgrown when they got taller than me!

I don't think your 3 year old will be bothered where their clothes come from. Just make sure you have name labels for each child and relabel when necessary.

This seems logical. Save your money and the planet now while he doesn't care. Buy new stuff when he asks for it.

As an aside I don't get the love for vinted. By the time you add postage and buyer protection it's rarely cheaper to buy stuff there than new stuff in the sale. It adds on at least £3.50 which if the item costs £1 or 2 is the price of a 3 pack of kids leggings or t shirts from Sainsbury's sale... Maybe if you are buying really expensive stuff it's worth it? But not for cheaper kids clothes. I get mine from charity shops, hand me downs from friends and sometimes FB marketplace

Oh how can you stand it? I encounter wall-to-wall twats on there.

I handed down everything I could and also bought all the dc's clothes from eBay. They don't care at that age!! You are right.

Indeed! As a child I had absolutely nothing new, apart from one pair of shoes and one of sandals per year. Absolutely everything else -uniform, coats, nightwear, wellies.. was passed down from my sister or cousins. Jumpers were often unravelled and knitted up again and a lot of our clothes were made on an old Singer machine.
In my experience it’s the younger mums who have a less thrifty attitude, though the tide is turning.

Passing down is just sensible!
I had four children with only a year between each of the elder three and everything was passed down (ok the boy in the middle did get to wear pink babygrows at night as a baby) except shoes. They have older cousins and a bag of stuff arriving was always exciting, so some clothes went through at least 4 of 5 children if they were great quality!
Of course they got new stuff at times, not just the eldest but it would have been insane not to reuse as much as possible.
Now they are adults and love Vinted and charity shop bargains! (As do I..currently wearing a very nice top that cost me £3...)

It's the best perk of having 2 the same sex!

Personally I think you're both BU

You for always buying DS1 brand new and only getting DS2 things from a sale or hand me downs. Either don't buy DS1 new get stuff from vinted, charity shops or eBay so they're both getting pre-owned or sell outgrown stuff and get both brand new. You think they won't know but trust me DS1 knows and will be throwing that in DS2's face during an argument when they're older think "mom doesn't love you as much as me off she did she'd have been buying us both new clothes" (I'm talking from experience of this with my own children)

She is BU expecting you to buy new things for both children!

Although there was a thread on her not long ago slagging off a seperated dad for giving his younger son his older sons clothes and toys once they'd been outgrown because he couldn't afford new for both kids and still play ½ the mortgage and child support apparently hands me downs showed that the Dad didn't really care and that he shouldn't have 50/50 custody because clearly he was shit and should be getting a better job to be able to afford new of everything twice!

But when was that thinking ‘in’? I passed on what was still good to DS2 and my MIL would not have thought it was unfair - it’s what she did 30 years earlier! My younger DB wore anything of mine that was unisex - eg knitted jumpers as all mine were cream, red or navy, never pink.

I get the vast majority of my 6yo son's clothes from Vinted. I got him a lovely nearly new River Island winter coat for just £8! I also buy a lot of his Xmas and birthday presents 2nd hand. He doesn't know and doesn't care.

Well unless she wants to pay for it all I’d tell her to jog on and keep her opinions to herself

Presumably the second hand items 'look' second hand and a bit shabby? Otherwise I'm not sure how the grandparents would know that the DS2 was wearing a hand me down coat unless you told them? I severely doubt they remember all the coats that DS1 has ever had.

So if they are constantly seeing one child in obviously brand new clothes and one in stuff that is obviously second hand and well used, I can see their point. It's not long before DS2 will start to be aware on some level that he constantly looks less smart then DS1. You really need to even it up a bit - buy some new for DS2 and some second hand for DS1. Or increase your standards for the second hand items, so that it is not so noticable.

Absolutely nothing wrong with hand me downs, my kids had them, and we handed things down too, kids outgrow their clothes before they are worn out. Also sold and bought on ebay. Just ignore them. Nothing wrong with second hand or hand me downs. Had some great bargains from Ebay.