To think MIL is being unreasonable and there's nothing wrong with hand-me-downs?

[Ladyofeternalleisure]

I have DS1 (almost 5y) and DS2 (3y). Once the eldest has outgrown his stuff it goes straight into younger sons wardrobe. I keep pretty much everything, from coats and jackets to t shirts and pyjamas. I get rid of bobbly stuff and anything with rips and tears or stains that won't come out. That doesn't mean DS2 never gets anything new. I occasionally pick bits up for him in the sales, or if he needed something like pjs or trainers. But he doesn't usually need anything as I already have it saved from ds1.
Recently mil and fil saw the boys in their winter coats which I just took out from storage. Ds1 had a brand new one on and ds2 was wearing ds1's old coat from last year. Still in fantastic condition and was only worn for a few months. They've been making comments to DH asking why we're always dressing him in old clothes. I mean he's a 3 year old he literally couldn't care less what he's wearing? He wouldn't even know or remember that it's his brothers old coat. And it's not like he never has new stuff just for him as I'm regularly going sales shopping. So were they being unreasonable??

Everyone I know has done this OP. What is your MIL's problem?
Best to try and detach from the comments

Your in laws are so behind the times. In the last week I have bought new jackets for my nephews (different families, parents know I am doing it and are happy as I'm not giving them plastic tat!) anyway in both coats there are sewn in labels with lines for three names to be put in. So they are clearly being produced with the intention of being handed on to at least two more children after the initial recipient. I remember from my school days gaberdine macs that were double breastfed with buttons and holes on both sides so could be worn by both boys and girls. They were usually navy blue or grey so again very clearly unisex. Your in laws clearly just want yo waste money and resources.

I have done this with my 2 sons who are 3 years apart. Anything not fit to be kept was binned. I kept shoes/trainers if still life in them. Came in handy if they needed a spare pair for pe.

as they got older there would be some items that the younger one didn’t like which was fine.

we did buy trainers new but sports direct so not expensive. As younger son got older he has more expensive shoes than his brother go mainly as he has had a lot of ah d me downs and never complains. He liked it as it meant a trip to the loft to “shop” and avoided actually going shopping!

once younger son grow out we have given to family or friends.

my daughters clothes go to my sil for my nieces who in turn passes them on after.

my daughter has got clothes from family/friends when she was younger and loved looking through the bags!

i would be happy if someone wanted to give me a bag of clothes too!

If they genuinely think you're being fair to DS2, tell them they can feel free to fund DS2's new wardrobe. If not, then they need to keep their opinions to themselves.

Yes exactly! No presents or outings. The woman's never even treated them to a flamin ice cream!

Round here the clothes just seem to circulate. It is madness to buy everything new, from both an environmental and financial point of view.

DS had a coat 4th hand. It went on to at least three other boys. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I read something the other day which said the planet has enough clothes for the next half century. We do not need to produce any more.

My youngest can't wait to get hold of his older brothers coat in a year or 2! And loves wearing things he remembers brother wearing. Eldest had a lot of hand me downs from friends or cousins which then went on to youngest. Both get new things occasionally, and clothes get handed onto friends with younger ones. Love seeing clothes have lives elsewhere!

She's being ridiculous. At that age kids don't care. You buy him new stuff sometimes and making clothes last longer is a good thing. She'd be horrified by me and my brothers as my boys grow out of clothes it goes down to nephew number one then when he out grows to nephew number two - obviously anything torn, stained not fit for purpose is got rid of.

If MIL wants to spend her money on new clothes for youngest she can knock herself out but I wouldn't be happy with her trying to dictate how I spent my money.

I was lucky because DD has always been petite, and has always loved getting her BFF's outgrown clothes!

I also bought the occasional new item once she was old enough to have an opinion about what she wanted, so she could have a say. But she loved her BFF's mum's taste in clothes (far better than mine, apparently 😂)

Recently a close colleague's daughter went to uni and had a big wardrobe clear out, and gave me a huge bag of hardly worn clothes.

DD and BFF (now late teens) had a lovely time trying them on, and were very happy to get several new outfits each.

Once DS2 is old enough to notice let him occasionally choose a t-shirt or similar. But otherwise hand me downs make sense financially and environmentally

Most of my daughter's clothes are at least third hand my best friend buys for her daughter off vinted so at least second hand then my daughter ends up with it prefer I pass it on again.
I say it balances out my throw away nappies 😆
I think you should get most of their clothes off vinted and perhaps make a point of both getting a nice new coat etc.

I bought a gender neutral sleep suit in newborn size and it was the first thing both my children (a son and then a daughter) wore. I treasure the photos of them wearing it.

The only downside is I can never get rid of it but I'll only be able to pass it down to one of them.

Same here!

I'm excited to start putting DS in the lovely mustard yellow winter coat DD looked so cute in.

From about 2 mths old my son was a full size bigger than his twin sister and she wore hand me down clothes for the first couple of years of her life, only really finishing because he was so hard on his clothes that they were only fit for the bin when he had finished with them.

My in laws are very money-savvy and love a good bargain themselves so I would have thought they'd be very impressed with the way we reuse things, but obviously not! I'm not spending an arm and a leg on the eldest clothes, I'm very intentional when I buy and am not excessive with his clothing in any way. He doesnt get brand new designer stuff or anything like that. Just simple clothes I buy what he needs and I make sure its good quality as it can be handed down and then donated/sold. Thanks to all who replied, you've reassured me that I'm not being a horrible mum to younger ds

I’ve got a 2 year age gap. Kept most things from DS. DD doesn’t care that she’s wearing dinosaurs. She still gets new stuff

They're being absolutely ridiculous, it would be environmentally hideous not to reuse stuff! Sure, maybe as the little one gets older it might be nice to treat him to the odd Brand New Nice Thing of his own. My kid just inherited a lovely and originally expensive coat that went from one friend's daughter, to another friend's 3 daughters in succession, to mine! We are both delighted with it.

DS and DD are 2 years apart, and we do hand me downs! Joggers, tops, trainers, pjs, wellies etc. DD gets some dresses and other things that are new (or new to her). She loves mining his drawers for new clothes, sometimes before he's ready to pass them on!

The price of baby and kids clothes atm is crazy, I don't blame you for doing this. What's the point of wasting money on clothes they wear for a few months especially winter coats.
YADNBU

Is your MIL a youngest sibling/cousin? I completely understand the logic of sharing clothes, but I'm the youngest and I remember disliking that my clothes weren't really me, and were worn out so I felt scruffy.
I would probably reuse some clothes but I would always make sure they were in near perfect condition and get every child some new clothes that were picked with them in mind.

My DM always insists on buying new stuff for my younger DD (as well as elder DD) as she always felt she was treated second best to her sisters and doesn't want DD to feel like that. But that's her money.

DDs frequently swap clothes now they are similar sizes! Its gets handed down to a cousin after them

Stupid woman. DD lives almost entirely in DS's hand me downs. I rarely buy new for either kids.

YANBU...My son had his sister's old rompers, even her pink ones. I also deliberately bought matching dungarees in neutral colours so they could match as babies and then, when he was bigger, he got her old dungarees sets.

When he overtook her in size, she got his hand me downs such as t shirts, joggers, coats, wellies etc. They're teens now and she still gets some of his hand me downs but now it's the branded stuff. She's currently wearing his year 7 school shirts and jumpers.

They both get new stuff but it's ridiculous to spend money when you don't have to.

Gosh she sounds like a snob. My kids liked wearing other peoples hand me downs and got quite excited if a lucky dip bag of clothes arrived for them. They could recount who gave what and friends LOVED seeing people wearing their kids old clothes. We pass small stuff on too. Environmental and cost effective.

MIL is BU, I have 2 DDs and saved everything too. Youngest is 9 now so does get to choose some new stuff, but at 3 I definitely wouldn't have bought her new stuff unless she needed it.
I also bought a lot of stuff second hand for eldest DD too

YANBU at all. My eldest wore hand me downs where available, my youngest wears his brothers stuff when appropriate - even now they're tweens.

I do buy some stuff just for the youngest obviously, since things wear out, he's an entirely different shape, and has completely different tastes to his older brother - but for stuff that passes down OK (coats, some joggers an t-shirts etc) why on earth would I buy new when there's perfectly fine used.

youngest doesn't care, as long as I don't make him go shopping TBH.