Saying please don’t drop daughter caused resulted in silent treated

[Gorton]

We climbed the arc de triomphe with my 1 yo. I very light heartedly told my dh (child’s father) “please be careful, don’t drop my child” as we were walking down. In response dh said “OUR child will be fine” or something similar.

Dh basically ignored me for the rest of the day.

Who was in the wrong?

MY daughter!

this I honestly didn't expect the replies on this at all.
I had my children out a walk with my oh last year and he was carrying the youngest near a steep hill and 3 times I said to him don't drop him- he got a bit frustrated understandably but the silent treatment all day because of that is unnaceptable!

You say he has "never mentioned it" but even in your OP, you describe his reaction as being:

In response dh said “OUR child will be fine” or something similar.

You must have done it at least 4-5 times on this thread, so it seems you do this all the time without thinking, and it obviously pisses him off, yet you continue to do it, and have no awareness of it even when it is pointed out multiple times, I wonder how many times he's mentioned it and it just isn't registering that he is getting fed up.

I'd personally hate it if my DH did this to me, it's like you are treating him as a member of staff AND someone who needs instruction on how to care for YOUR daughter, rather than treating him as an equal parent, only you know why that is, but if he hasn't done anything to deserve that then you need to acknowledge it and work on it going forward as it is you causing that resentment, I'd be in a mood with you too to be fair if this is an ongoing issue that you refuse to acknowledge.

I would have been pissed off if I was DH. I hate that kind of commentary - oh please don't do this thing which you are obviously already trying extremely hard not to do - it is extremely patronising. Sounds like he sulked because you didn't apologise - I would have also been annoyed until my DH apologised.

You.it is our child and why on earth would you think he's incapable of carrying him?

Agree @ErickBroch you're carrying something delicate and precious on a rather tricky staircase and someone says the annoying 'ooo watch out!! Don't drop X' 😐

Why would you keep saying it all the time if you knew it annoyed him?

If he carried her all the way up he was probably tired and concentrating. I wouldn't want a comment like that either.

You both need to grow up

DD and DSIL joke with each other that the DGC are 'mine' when they are being lovely and 'yours' when they are being awful! If this was just a jokey lighthearted comment then I think he was being supersensitive to get sulky over it. In a good relationship I think one should be able to say something like this and the other person say something jokey back or if they found it unfunny and annoying they should be able to explain how they feel without sulking.

Unless there's some back story about you being constantly overlooking and criticising his care for DD, or making it plain she's YOURS, then he is being ridiculous over a light hearted comment. I honestly couldn't be with someone so sensitive they'd ruin a day in Paris by sulking over something like that. While we should be sensitive to feelings, there's surely a limit as to how many egg shells we need to walk on.

Your warning came from a place of concern, so to punish you with silence all day is ugly behaviour.

OP, MN posters love to give a kicking for no reason.

He replied to you. Absolutely no need to spoil the rest of the day.

I bet this behaviour is not in isolation.

You were in the wrong. By saying what you said you inferred he wasn't capable or careful enough to hold his child, that ye was incapable of keeping the child safe, that he was incapable of sensing danger etc.

He was in the wrong for the silent treatment. Is he 12? God damn be an adult and communicate when you feel aggrieved instead of resorting to childish muting.

I would say this to DH when DDs were small because there is no way I could carry them somewhere high up while steadying myself, while DH is very sure-footed, and it all just makes me a bit anxious. DH's reaction would just be to say "No, I won't!" to reassure me and that would be it. Which I think is an entirely normal reaction, not getting cross and then sulking all day!

It is condescending. Both in stating the bleeding obvious and in saying "MY daughter" to your husband. You may not mean it , but it comes across that you see yourself as the more important parent. She is yours and you know best.

I'm pretty sure I'd be snappy if my DH said something similar to me about DDs. I don't think the silent treatment is right of him, it's petulant and spoils a day of holiday but if it's something you make a habit of doing I can see why it would be wearing thin.

You treated him like he was a side character in your life with that comment. Hes your Husband and thats both of your child

He acted like a control freak, with the silence as that is what it is control

But that is prob because you have diminished his role in your life and he is lacking control

You need to figure out which part is he upset about

• using my rather then her name or our daughter (this can really make him feel like a second class parent) do you do this in others ways we well?
• stating the obvious, you were scared so probably said it in a panicky tone, rather than a lighthearted tone.

Sulking is not good, but it very hard to tell if this has been a problem bubbling away for a long time.

Plus, holidays with a one year old are stressful so it could just be that. Especially if she was wiggly and making her harder to carry down and then you said your unhelpful comment. I’m think in hindsight arc de triomohe wasn’t a great activity fora small child.

Unless there is a huge back story YANBU. You were just messing around.

Does he often overreact and act like a petty child?

She made an annoying comment and he gave her silent treatment all day but she’s in the wrong?

Is he not the dad then with you referring to her as your daughter??

As a father, I've found it quite astonishing how many mothers have told me how there's a special bond between Mother and Child which is unique and special and better than any other parent-child relationship in the natural kingdom --- so I kind of get it.

He is massively overreacting.

How would you have felt if he'd said it to you, OP? Not pleased, I'm sure.

Silent treatment is petty and not nice for your daughter to witness, he should stop that. I think perhaps you behave as if you're the 'boss' of your (joint) child? That's a slippery slope, I wouldn't let that one grow roots.

It's his child too. Presumably. If you're doing this all the time, it must be irritating as fuck.