Saying please don’t drop daughter caused resulted in silent treated

[Gorton]

We climbed the arc de triomphe with my 1 yo. I very light heartedly told my dh (child’s father) “please be careful, don’t drop my child” as we were walking down. In response dh said “OUR child will be fine” or something similar.

Dh basically ignored me for the rest of the day.

Who was in the wrong?

It wasn’t said as a joke. I started to walk down and got a touch of vertigo given how steep and tight the space was. It just sort of came out like “omg, keep my baby safe”.

I apologised. We do unfortunately bicker more these days. We never did pre parenthood.

And when he does do you sulk for the whole day in order to punish him?

Haha no :)

It was wrong to say ''My child'' as he is the father.

What other stuff is he doing because I’d bet this isn’t the sum total of it?

In my (thankfully) healthy relationship my partner wouldnt even raise an eyebrow at me describing my kids as my kids. They are my absolute world, the air I breathe and I’d die in a heart beat for them. So he would totally expect me to say similar to you and would have reassured me not blanked me.

From his emphasis on "our", it seems to me that it's the "MY daughter" part that annoyed him, not the "don't drop her" part. I wonder whether you say "my daughter" more often than you think and it annoys him. You've actually also used the same phrase in your first sentence, "We climbed the Arc de Triomphe with my daughter". That should read "We climbed the AdT with OUR daughter."

Sleep deprivation and other child-related stress does that.

You'll find much worse things happen so best to build up some resilience (on both sides) and learn to get over/let go of things quickly.

You're both being unreasonable. I hope you apologised, but he shouldn't sulk for that long. I wouldn't be surprised if it's part of a wider issue, do you criticise his parenting otherwise, or not trust him? Or treat him like the inferior parent?

It wasn’t said as a joke.

But in the OP you said "I very light heartedly told my dh", which to me seems pretty close to a joke...

From this later information it sounds to me like DH may also have been concentrating hard with the steep/tight stairs. Under those circumstances, telling him not to drop DD, which the very thing he is trying hard to avoid, is not likely go down very well. In his place I be tempted to say something like "Well thanks for that, I was actually going to drop-kick her down the stairs but I've changed my mind now". I hope that I wouldn't say it out loud, but some people (I'm definitely one) have a low threshold for the bleeding obvious, especially when we're trying hard.

Ignoring you for the rest of the day seems a bit dickish, though. A bit of bickering is normal when you're under the constant stress of looking after a small child, but when DP and I have an incident of this type we just go to opposite ends of the house for ten minutes and then things get back to normal.

MY child, said to her other parent? Yabu.

Sounds fairly childish of him to sulk, but not if that comment was the straw that broke the camel's back in terms of you having everything your way when it comes to parenting/being controlling or similar issues.

did you mean to say ' please don't drop Daisy ' ? rather than MY daughter...

Why did you say MY child, rather than OUR child?

I suspect the answer to the question you have posed lies in why you chose that specific wording.

Light hearted in so much that I wasn’t commanding dh. Or giving strict instructions.

🙄
Fgs

You might have sown seeds of doubt in him that he is the father

Good grief, Op clearly said it was light hearted. Do MNetters really never joke with their husbands? Bloody miserable lot

How would you feel if he said, for example, could you watch my daughter while I nip to the shop.

It was an irritating comment, so he’s not unreasonable to have made a snarky one back. The silent treatment seems to be a bit of an overreaction but maybe there’s more to it - has he dropped the kid before?

She said it wasn't a joke.

We do unfortunately bicker more these days. We never did pre parenthood.

Well it’s no wonder if you treat him like he can’t parent. What on earth did you think he was going to do walking down the stairs? If it was such a bad staircase he was probably concentrating and comments like yours was not helpful

And if this is a regular thing then regardless if it was meant to be lighthearted it won’t be taken that way.

I must admit though, I have done this before, we live on a steep hill and walking home with our (then) baby in a pushchair I had to say to my dh "please don't let go of the pushchair".

I'm not sure what prompted me to say it, I was playing it over in my mind what would happen and would I be too late to grab it, I really struggled with intrusive thoughts like that for quite a while after she was born and on this occasion it just slipped out.

He didn't react though, I think he made a little joke about her "getting home before us" etc, I think he realised it came from anxiety rather than me actually doubting his ability to push a pushchair, so didn't make a fuss over it.

But I never used to undermine him and I would never have said MY daughter when talking about our daughter either, there's obviously a bit of back story missing here.

Are 1 year old's allowed to climb the Arc de triomphe?

She's now said it wasn't a joke.

Dh carried my daughter the entire way up the stairs. A one yo is not capable of making the climb

You said it ‘lightheartedly’, but it wasn’t a joke?

Also you started your OP by calling her ‘MY 1yo’, so I suspect you probably do that a lot more than you realise, and your DP has had enough of it.

I’d also hate it if my DP felt the need to remind me not to do something I had no intention of doing, it’s very infantilising.