Saying please don’t drop daughter caused resulted in silent treated

[Gorton]

We climbed the arc de triomphe with my 1 yo. I very light heartedly told my dh (child’s father) “please be careful, don’t drop my child” as we were walking down. In response dh said “OUR child will be fine” or something similar.

Dh basically ignored me for the rest of the day.

Who was in the wrong?

It's the sort of thing my DP and I would say as a joke. Like when they do something naughty he might say "your son has just done xyz"...it's kind of said in a tongue in cheek way. We also shift ownership of the cat from time to time...I think your dh over reacted.

Oh goodness me, I thought I was easily offended. Clearly not.

OP, is there a back story/more context here? His reaction seems disproportionate and a tad abusive.

I will jokingly and sarcastically refer to our DC as “my Precious First Born” if I’m being the overbearing one and he’s doing something silly with her. So I think there’s not much wrong with your comment tbh but clearly I’m in the minority here. My DH would not have batted an eyelid as he’s secure in how equally effective he is at parenting as me. Your DH sounds insecure and childish. If my DH was upset, he would have calmly and politely said “She’s my daughter too. She’s safe with me.” but silent treatment is not a thing in our marriage. It’s unnecessary, not how adults do relationships, can be cruel and, like I said, can be abusive.

Don’t be told/made to think rather his silent treatment is a reasonable response.

Exactly this.

Perhaps he feels undermined by your comments. Do you often say things that mean you are the parent with the experience/knowledge ?

will this marriage last, do you think.
seems like a lack of respect in the mix.

I think your DH needs to chill, it was a joke right? I joke around with my DH all the time about our girls when they do something. I say "well she's your daughter" its only a joke ??

Id find it annoying if someone said that to me.

Do you have form for digs and patronising? If so then his response is understandable.

Me and my dp do this too. Or if one of us is popping out somewhere we often say watch your child/children am going to abc

I think your comment was crass.

Did you apologise for it?

If he continued with the silence after your apology, then he was also BU

Unless your DH has form for dangling toddlers off very high historic monuments, then yes, it was a twattish thing to say to a competent adult parent.

Sulking is childish, but if you often 'joke' in this fashion, I can see his point: I wouldn't want to spend time making conversation with somebody who treated me like an idiot.

A joke is only a joke when both sides find it funny.

Does he have any reason to suspect she might not actually be his daughter after all?

If DH was dicking about - or regularly does dick about - with her in a way that put her at risk then telling him to be careful was warranted.
If it was intrusive thoughts then it's understandable, albeit annoying for him.
However if you're regularly telling him what to do when he's already being diligent then I understand why he was pissed off (though not enough to sulk all day).
Saying my child was insensitive.

Sounds like there's wider issues at play and you both need to act like adults and talk. Regardless of what you said was justified or not, it's ridiculous for any adult to sulk all day as a result - especially on holiday.

Bizarre voting imo. Some kind of worldwide humour outage maybe.

We unintentionally began a helpful dynamic when our first was tiny. We can both be jittery about safety though often on different things so if DH said “don’t cut her finger” when I was doing her nails I’d reply “oh you don’t want me to cut the baby?!” and we’d both chuckle.

A bit of levity has stopped either of us getting narky and we acknowledge we love them equally and share a concern for their safety so when someone says something daft the other acknowledges it’s been raised and doesn’t feel undermined or got at.

He’s a dick to have sulked at all, let alone for the rest of the day, but he’s within his rights to have been pissed off with that comment, however ‘lighthearted’.

It comes off as not only not trusting him to take appropriate care, but insinuating that he’s not an equal parent or as invested in your child’s wellbeing as you are. Do you often say stuff like that? And did you apologise afterwards or just double down?

You’re both in the wrong. But parenting a 1 yr old is knackering and doesn’t always bring out the best in partnerships, so you probably both need to cut each other a bit of slack.

When DS was a toddler we were in France, Anjou I think, at some castle/chateau or other. DH dangled him over the battlements and I freaked out.
We both still remember it over 20 years later, him for my unreasonableness (if that's a word) and me for his cavalier attitude to safety.

Good job you reminded him!

I have anxiety which I do my best to control but in certain times like one you've described, I might say (in a nice tone) "take care of our babies/boys". To my husband. He always just replies, also in a nice tone, "i will".
The fact you said "my" maybe is what set him off? Maybe the tone you said it? Still, it's not a reason to ignore you all day. He needs to grow up.

There was no need for your comment, no need for you to say she was yours either. I’d have been pissed at you too, but the silent treatment is childish and shitty communication. You’re both shitty to each other in this situation

So my husband dropped our son when he was 1 from shoulder height on his head down onto a patio. I felt it was okay to say please be careful you don’t drop him, in future. Because of the incident. But without any good reason historically you don’t need to warn him to be careful.

also I really hate it when husband calls our Dc, my son or my child. They are OURS

I used to say this all the time to my then partner (and father of my son), also in a light hearted way. It used to annoy him as well but he wouldn't have ignored me for the rest of the day.

All depends on tone, and general background of the relationship/parenting history.

From what you've said, you were both unreasonable. There might be background to suggest one of you was in the right.

He's not automatically a dick. Perhaps he's an exhausted dad trying his best and has taken a offhand, if unhelpful comment from OP too sensitively. I feel like we've all been there.

OP might or might not have form for doing that. Her DH might or might not have form for being oversensitive. But asking for opinions on this isolated incident seems a bit point-scoring in itself and I think the better thing to do is for you both to let it go and move on

Really, people don't day "my child" or "your child" ever to their spouse for fear of offending them so grievously they give them the silent treatment for an entire day? I've definitely said "Husband, your child is colouring in the dog" or "please don't teach my child swear words in Spanish" or whatever. Incredibly he's managed to take that biting cruelty on the chin all these years.

In a vacuum, the OP made a joke which landed poorly. I can think of several responses the husband could've gone with that weren't passive aggression and then throwing a day-long strop like a toddler. Unless there's some serious backstory of OP being overly controlling and anxious about the child, I think her husband is being a massive flower tbh.