Saying please don’t drop daughter caused resulted in silent treated

[Gorton]

We climbed the arc de triomphe with my 1 yo. I very light heartedly told my dh (child’s father) “please be careful, don’t drop my child” as we were walking down. In response dh said “OUR child will be fine” or something similar.

Dh basically ignored me for the rest of the day.

Who was in the wrong?

So, not light hearted at all then?

And again! I think you probably do it all the time, as you’ve done it without realising several times just on this thread.

Blimey! You're at it again!

What a dick for letting a comment that you apologised for ruin the whole day. Sulking on a day out is pathetic.

Everyone saying 'you undermined him' etc, if your DP made such a comment would you sulk for the rest of the day?

Okay maybe I’ve used or interpreted the word light hearted incorrectly. To me it was light hearted as I didn’t say it cynically. Ie as a nagging command. It was almost blurted out like “please protect daughter” - that was the emotion behind it.

What do you mean?

Looking at it from DH's viewpoint, he was concentrating on carrying a wriggly toddler down some steep stairs, and you made an unhelpful comment about not dropping her - he probably felt a bit patronised and like he couldn't be trusted, especially as you called her "my daughter".

He shouldn't be sulking for hours over it, but I can understand why it pissed him off.

Btw these are the stairs. I made the comment out of fear when we started the descent. (Google image)

You don't joke about sensitive things though do you? If this is a pattern, the OP treating her husband like he doesn't care for their dd as much as she does or acting like he might hurt her, then it doesn't become a joke anymore.

Without knowing what their relationship is like it is impossible to say whether her dh over reacted or this is a pattern of behaviour that the OP has where she infantalizes her husband and treats him as an unequal parent.

Ok, we all know that parenting a one year old but can be challenging and stressful... but in the post above you again used the phrase my daughter. That is what I mean.

You seem to be missing the point, it's not ridiculous to stress safety somewhere like that, but the way you put it seems to be particularly galling to him. He's really the person you should be talking to here.

You keep saying MY daughter/child, not OUR?

Do you know why you do that?

But again, from his view, your comment wasn't helpful, was it? He was the one trying to walk down them with a toddler, he didn't need you to tell him not to drop her - it comes across like you don't think he can be trusted.

Well yes, as per the thread.

But my point is do they allow "babes in arms" to be carried by their parents who climb the AdT? I should have made myself more clear, obviously.

Seems like a H&S nightmare.

It depends if it is a one off or if I am constantly being treated like I can't keep my own child safe. If he did, if this was a pattern in his behaviour I would absolutely walk away. Without respect a relationship isn't worth shit.

they do allow it

Oh i see. Not sure why I do this. I would say dh has never mentioned this as something I do constantly. I haven’t recognised that I do this (consciously) either.

You were in the wrong.
Unless he's that emaciated not to be able to carry a one year old.

My DH will often refer to the children as each others, I can see me saying “ please hold my baby tight” in the same circumstances just is he might well say the same to me in fact there was one occasion when he said to then toddler so. ‘ well I know mummy feeds my little boy when I’m not here “ he was joking because said son was over fed on party food at the time and had just been sick 🥹.

we do it now even as adults I said to him this morning “ your son needs a loan to pay a bill “

it’s light hearted maybe it’s just us ?

but yes I think in panic under those circumstances I might well have referred to her as “my baby” doesn’t mean I think she’s more mine than his, unless she’s just been sick that is then she’s definitely all his 😂

Of course it must be the man's fault, 'underlying issues' and so on. So many women refer to 'my baby' on this site then wonder why the child's father is not as hands on as she thinks he should be!