AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

[Supermummy88]

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice. I started my new job about a year ago and one of my colleague’s who lives in my area needs a lift back home at least 3/4 times a week. It’s not hassle for me because I have to go past her house to get to mine. However, at the end of the working day I’m in a rush to get home as I’ve got very young children who have activities after school etc. However, she always takes her time getting her stuff ready and talking to everyone before we leave. This ends up delaying me by 15/20 mins every time. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time but I have to rush home, get kids ready for their activities etc so that I can get them there on time, so for me 20 mins late makes a big difference. I do sometimes say that I need to leave bang on at a certain time, but she still delays it and is never ready on time. In a way I miss just being able to go home and not waiting for anyone. AIBU? I don’t want to ruin my working relationship with her!

Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm!

I am a born people pleaser. As I’ve got older I have had to repeat the above phrase to myself over and over again. Do not put the needs of some random colleague above yours and your children’s needs.

Tell her firmly one last time - her dilly dallying is negatively impacting on yours and your children’s lives. You will be in your car and leaving at X time - if she wants a lift she is at the car at that time, if she isn’t there then you will be leaving without her. And do it.

Poor you. She sounds like a selfish bitch, or at best extremely thoughtless and entitled. I would go on the dot and don’t wait if she’s not ready. Can you tell her your routine has changed and you can no longer give her a lift if you like the car to yourself? Her being your line manager in a few months is an added worry for you but think you need to make your position clear. Very hard when you’re obviously a nice person and she’s taking advantage, the vaping is an added rudeness.

Move house.

She's spectacularly rude, disrespectful and a nasty bully.

I agree with pp that have suggested you stop altogether, completely, forever, with a watertight excuse such as you're collecting DC from opposite direction at such time every single day. End of.

If you won't do it for yourself, at least do it for your DC who are indirectly affected by this woman's self-centredness.

She thinks NOTHING of you.

I agree with others who’ve said try and change department or team before she becomes your line manager.

If you can’t change team, join a trade union before she becomes your line manager as her selfishness and rudeness as a colleague are red flags for what she’ll be like as a line manager.

I agree with @AllThePotatoesAreSinging it’s a disaster waiting to happen. You need to stop giving her lifts. She’s pushing so many boundaries OP you need to say you can’t help her out any more and you dont need to specify why. It’s a favour not part of your job.

Omg! This would put me over the fucking edge!

”meet me at my car at x time, or I’ll be leaving without you”.

and do it.

”no vaping in my car”

any pushback, “my car, my rules”

and give her notice that you won’t be giving lifts any more as of x date’

fuck this shit. Woman up love.

Line manager or not, she’s not entitled to treat you like this

And I don’t think there needs to be an excuse. Seriously,

@Supermummy88 has been doing this long enough to know it’s not working and has every right to knock it on the head

Oh and @Supermummy88 SHE is ruining the working relationship with you. Not you.

Can't add to the good suggestions given here - apart from maybe about payment. You don't mention if she contributes or not, but if she doesn't, I wouldn't suggest it because then she will think she's paying for a service and you're her taxi driver. Without payment you are doing her a favour.

I think the best thing is what people have suggested saying in front of witnesses (preferably some of the ones who keep her talking at the end) and look a bit stressed when you say it. It would be hard to actually leave without her but I think it might take you doing it once to make her realise you mean it. I would also mention on the way home about how much you have to do and keep checking the time - and look a bit distracted.

This line manager thing is a concern, but as pp have said, if you think she is treating you unfairly I presume there are procedures for that.

This. Absolutely this.

Ended up in this situation once. A colleague and myself had a car share going. Got on great, always on time, txd if ill, had plans after work so couldn't make a day. Still friends 10 plus years later.

One day a manager asked us to pick up and drop off every day another colleague who couldn't drive. It was an absolute nightmare. She was never there for pick up, we had to come off a main road to get her an queue to get back on, she was never ready to leave on time in the nights which resulted in us hitting more traffic. She was supposed to contribute towards the petrol £15 per week as agreed. She never offered this we always had to ask. One month later we had to tell her we weren't doing it any more. We were late getting to work, getting home and she was rude. I feel for you OP x

OP, make your life better from today. Heed the good advice on here in dealing with this situation and remove the unwanted stress caused by your colleague’s behaviour.

You need to get tougher. " I am leaving at X time on the dot and won't be able to wait for you if you aren't there", and then stick to that every single day. You are letting her walk all over you. Leave at the exact time that you want to, if she stops talking to somebody then keep going and leave. She is never to change or be on time while you keep putting up with it.

Also, tell her to stop vaping. Nobody vapes or smokes in my car because I won't let them! I am an ex smoker, but when I got my new car I decided to keep it very clean and tidy which includes no smoking.

If you think it will cause a problem when she is your line manager, then write down everything that happens now, so that it is clear in your head for future reference.

I would tell her be at my car at 5pm (or whatever) waiting for me if you want a lift. I'm not waiting if you're not there. Simple as that. I wouldn't be waiting for her. That is ridiculous if you are doing someone a favour.

She doesn’t “need” a lift! She would like a lift as it’s more convenient for HER. Agree with pp, leave when it suits you, and your family.

Wow. I’d have reported that as a GDPR breach as a minimum. It’s gross misconduct. Completely inappropriate use of your personal data.

If you say you need to go, don't the people she's talking to say anything like... ooh you better go 'betty' as SM88 is leaving?? what does she reply?

If she is going to be your line manager, she can afford to buy her own car now!

You shouldn't even have to explain to her your reason for wanting to leave on time, she should be polite enough to be ready to go when you are.

It doesn't matter if you have 12 kids at home or a Mars Bar and an episode of Love is Blind, she shouldn't be encroaching on your free time.

I'd also hate having to have someone else in the car to/from work. Occasional lifts are ok but it's a little peaceful bit of time to reset before you get home.

She’s a rude and entitled twat and knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s clocked you’re meek.

If she’s vaping in your car and late every time I would stop giving her a lift altogether.
You are waiting every time, she knows you won’t challenge her and she’s getting away with it.
The whole thing is just plain rude, especially as she knows you have young children at home.
Tell her it’s no longer working for you, you don’t have to say why. It’s not part of your job description to give anyone a lift.
I am not even going to ask if she offers towards petrol costs.
Stand up to this CF. If she causes you any grief report her. You are not a taxi service.
My blood is boiling for you OP.

Have you raised this with HR

I would just drop the lifts; she’s an adult and (if I’m understanding correctly) in a more senior role? She should be capable of sorting herself out! I’ve done colleague drop offs in the past, if I had to live that time over I wouldn’t have offered in the first place as it was just unnecessary stress.

You have to be more assertive. You can do assertiveness courses or find stuff on line to help.
In my experience, if you say yes to everything, people respect you less and ultimately like you less, so its counterproductive even for a people pleaser really.

Jo, im not being funny but the leaving time is getting later and later and its doing my head in. I don't mind dropping you if you're ready to go, but im not going to keep being late for my kids for it obviously. I have a life too! Can you make sure youre at my car ready to go if you want a lift. Also no vaping in the car. Thems the rules.