To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

[Spaceg]

Just wanted to get your thoughts on this: would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children?

If yes, would you expect his to continue to pay school fees if you separated?

My response would be yes to both.

Youre a family, and therefore everything should be shared equally. If you did separate, you should continue to pay the fees the same way you would for your biological children.

Edit: the same would apply if the genders were reversed.

I think that once a person starts paying school fees, it's awful to just stop - this is the children's lives and they are innocent parties, not pawns in a couple's break up! So with that in mind, I don't think anyone should be making that commitment unless they have the money and commitment to see it through.

Whether a step parent should pay the fees, is very much dependent on the relationship, the other commitments the step parent has and their individual circumstances. For me, marriage is an 'all in' arrangement and I would want all the children in the home to be treated equally by both adults, when it comes to school options and division of 'our' money. But so much depends on the individual circumstances that you can't say a definitive yes or no.

Seriously? I don't thing there should be a distinction between parent and step parent

I expect the actual parent would beg to differ in this.

Very few stepfathers stay in their stepchildren's lives after splitting up with the mother. They generally tolerate their stepchildren and then disappear once the relationship is over.

This. Unless the child has been legally adopted by the step parent, they have no parental or financial responsibility to them.

This is something that should have been considered before committing to putting a child through private school if it was dependent on a step parent paying for it.

Right? While my stepdad has, generally, been great... I have my own father, thank you very much!

Currently, my step father has been very generous to me and my brother, regarding an inheritance he is receiving, but he is under no obligation to do so, and I definitely would not have expected it if he and my mom had separated!

My DH does pay for his DSD's ed.
Assuming it's a long term and good relationship he has with his step child, there is a special place in hell for him if he uses them as a pawn in a separation.
If him stopping doing so is against a backdrop of him not being flush with cash/ limited relationship etc, then it's on you. Does he have PR? Otherwise I don't know if you can force him to continue.

Seriously? I don't thing there should be a distinction between parent and step parent

And yet there is one.

lol, no. Free education is available.

This thread is fascinating. Into a few weeks ago a woman was torn to shreds for suggesting her parents don’t feel the same way about step grandchildren as their grandchildren.

If this was grandparents would they have to pay for step grandchildren’s school fees? I bet I will be told yes - if they are paying for their grandchildren they have to pay for step grandchildren because there should be no difference!

No and no

If the child’s actual parents feel so strongly then they can pay for them

No stop being a cheeky cow they are your kids not his you pay the school fees or find them a new school. Can’t believe you actually think he should continue to pay the school fees for kids that aren’t even his next you’ll wanting child support off him.

Umm, no?

If you and OH (kids stepdad) separated, would you still allow him to have a say in how the kids are raised, what they eat, what hobbies they have, what their curfew is, etc? No, because that's none of his business if you're not a family unit anymore. So why should it remain his business paying their school fees, what would he get in return? Nada.

Also he shouldn't pay for them even if you're still together. The kids have two parents, up to you two to get better paying jobs / forgo your own material needs if you want your OWN children to have private schooling. Jeez!

Is this a reverse?

I don't think anyone should do anything in this scenario, it is a decision you make as a family about what is best for your family situation while you all live together/share finances, once you are no longer a family unit and no longer share finances, it shouldn't be assumed that things like school fees will still come out of the family pot as it may no longer be affordable.

This is really sweet to hear. One of my best friends considers his stepmom his mother and would fight anyone who says otherwise. Have you looked into adopting him if it's a possibility?

Shameless place marking 😅

No how ridiculous. Pay for your own kids!

But where does it stop? If the relationship breaks down and he leaves and subsequently becomes step parent to another child is he liable for their school fees as well?

No, they have two parents who are responsible for the financial decisions they make. DH has no legal right to make decisions about how they are educated and therefore no responsibility to pay for the choices you and their father made.

We have considered it but the only problem is his BM comes out of the woodwork if she gets reminded she has a child. She is quite a dangerous woman and we haven't heard from her now for a few years and she would obviously be notified and would no way willingly give up the rights even though she isnt involved. We have said that if she pops up again then we will just broach it then. At the least for me to get PR. But in all honesty, the age he is now I am not too worried. I used to stress when he was young if something happened to my DH what would happen but now I am less worried.

It slightly depends on the relationship with the child. Stepfather from birth/young baby who brings up the child as his own and child sees step father as their only father (biological father out of the picture). Then you might have a point but otherwise no.

Yes, I do and while he's at it he can pay for me to go on a 2 week cruise and have my hair done every 4 weeks, because I see no distinction between a strangers money and my own.....

Of course he shouldn't. They are not his kids and he certainly has absolutely no requirement to financially support them if you divorce!

Something tells me the OP is not happy with the replies..

I think there is a difference between things like buying Christmas presents for grandchildren and step grandchildren if the alternative is for a child to sit there with no presents and paying school fees. I doubt a step grandparent would cough up 100s of thousands of ££ for school fees for children who presumably have their own other grandparents and parent. Emotionally being kind to all children of the family equally is different from paying out for step children.