To think people shouldn't have sex with people unless you would both be happy and able to raise children together?

[Jjiillkkf]

Just reading the thread about the mother's of disabled children they have really struggled to cope with and no mention of fathers. Should society stigmatise abandoning families more? Would that not necessarily include discouraging quite so much recreational sex because of the potential outcomes?

Also inspired by other threads by women who alter an otherwise positive dynamic in their new relationship by having sex with their new partner.

Why is sex the be all and end all when it creates so many problems.

Aibu to think it is nothing but love and kindness to tell our sons and daughters to save it for a good person in a mutually loving, stable, permanent relationship?

I absolutely believe the Christian teaching on sex is correct- it is to be enjoyed only in marriage, not least because so much drama and heartache could be avoided.

Yeah I think they could definitely improve care around abortions.

Like a lot of things to do with womens health, there are very few studies or health developments in the area.

Well yes. Life is full of risks, OP. And ways to mitigate those risks. In this case, contraception. And abortion if necessary. No, the latter is not 'a joyful experience we would want our children to have'. Neither are lots of other things. If they take sensible precautions, they probably won't have to.

If you have sex, you might get pregnant. If you drive, you might crash your car. Does that mean nobody should drive?

Excellent point.
She can’t just name him, he has to agree to have his name put on.

And I know people who have had babies they didn't want and are traumatised.

I agree. It's more to do with who you hang out with, what's the norm in your friendship group, peer pressure, how strict your upbringing is etc.

@AgileGreenSeal "I absolutely believe the Christian teaching on sex is correct- it is to be enjoyed only in marriage, not least because so much drama and heartache could be avoided"

Not sure marriage is the cure all you think it is.

And people I know are not remotely traumatised by termination. Stop scaremongering.

This.

No it's not a cure all, and admittedly it's no guarantee. But it does provide a lot of rights and protections and security. Which is why it exists, after all, in the first place. This site is proof positive that women - and the children -, are basically fucked without it.

I never said it is a “cure all”.

@CrochetForLife

Not sentient or nerve receptors till the third trimester? How are babies surviving before 24 weeks?

This is a curious take considering

1. The world is full of people who are in perfectly happy, long-lasting relationships with happy, well-adjusted kids, who have never contemplated marriage
2. This site is also full of women complaining about how marriage has failed and left them up shit creek regardless.
3. 50% of marriages end in divorce in any case, which suggests that married relationships aren't any more viable long-term than unmarried ones.

There are no guarantees.
Just better chances.

If you're pregnant at 17, it's probably going to have a major impact whatever you choose.

I wouldn't say becoming a mother at 17 is exactly an easy path.

With a huge amount of medical intervention

No acknowledgement of the women who feel their life has been, or would have been ruined by feeling obliged to carry a pregnancy to full-term and deliver a child they neither wanted, nor were interested in having.

I had one termination due to contraception failure. I've had sex thousands of times in my life, so I don't see that as particularly alarming or in any way a suggestion that I'd have fared better by just abstaining completely. I don't regret my termination in any way, I never give it much thought if I'm honest, and I'm still absolutely of the mind that not having it would have resulted in a child that would have exacerbated my own poor mental health, a child that I did not love, and a child that I resented for "ruining" my life even though I had full agency and the reason for the child's existence was entirely down to me. It was also a pregnancy by a man I had no intention of ever having children with, and would never have wanted to be tied to for the length of time it takes to raise a child to independence.

Feel free to judge me, but I neither give shit for your opinion, nor feel obliged to live by your moral standards, because I do not necessarily share them. So no, it isn't remotely the case that all women who have a termination regret it or suffer trauma as a result. Mine saved me from a lifetime of regret and doubtless also trauma.

@AgileGreenSeal I think you are underestimating the impact an unwanted pregnancy can have on a woman's mental, and indeed physical, health. To be honest, I don't understand what people who talk about women being traumatised by abortion are getting at. Are you using it as a reason for restricting abortion rights?

Great parenting.

I thought @GeneralOwl has a voice that should be heard. Her experience is as valid as anyone else’s.

I’m not in a position to be able to affect the law on abortion in any way whatsoever.

.

1. This site is full of unmarried people who thought they were in perfectly happy long-lasting relationships. Until the man did them wrong, then they're left with no home, none of his pension, basically fuck all.
2. Yes but at least they still had legal protections for when that happened.
3. Same as 2.

No one said that all women suffer trauma though did they.

Women are not a hive mind, and every woman has different experiences.

You didn't suffer trauma and your experience is valid.

I know a woman who suffers a lot of psychological trauma after getting an abortion. To the extent where she crys about it ten years later. Her experience is also valid

Quite. Research shows 95% of women do not regret their abortions (I heard two years ago that has now gone to 99%).

What study was that? You said 95% of women.

How would 95% of women who've had abortions have answered a study?

You mean 95% of whatever amount of women they asked. It could have been 200 women