To think people shouldn't have sex with people unless you would both be happy and able to raise children together?

[Jjiillkkf]

Just reading the thread about the mother's of disabled children they have really struggled to cope with and no mention of fathers. Should society stigmatise abandoning families more? Would that not necessarily include discouraging quite so much recreational sex because of the potential outcomes?

Also inspired by other threads by women who alter an otherwise positive dynamic in their new relationship by having sex with their new partner.

Why is sex the be all and end all when it creates so many problems.

Aibu to think it is nothing but love and kindness to tell our sons and daughters to save it for a good person in a mutually loving, stable, permanent relationship?

Well for people who don't want to continue a pregnancy, it is.

To be honest I was very conscious of this when I was a student (met DH straight out of university so that was the last time I was single). I was meticulous about contraception but knew abortion wouldn’t be an option for me, so was very aware that anyone I slept with could potentially, if things went wrong, end up being tied to me for life. I had two long term relationships before DH, one of whom would probably have been a wonderful father, the other less so, but never had casual sex - it just wasn’t for me, but the thought of getting pregnant was certainly part of it.

I too was terrified of becoming pregnant and it shaped how I was around sex and making sure I didn't. (I know my parents would have thrown me out for starters !)

@Gigiopk "
What do you mean? That sounds like you’re saying abortion is a contraceptive choice"

It's not, by definition, a contraceptive choice. But it should be a safe, easily obtainable, judgement free solution to an unwanted pregnancy.

Umm no, I don't think people should only have sex with people they'd be happy to raise children with. That's a bit much OP.

I don’t know that he didn’t

Well I've never wanted children so do you think I should never have had sex?

For too long men who abandon their children have been let off the hook. They need to be prosecuted if they don't pay for their children.

What on earth is that meant to mean?! Is it that you're annoyed I'm not actually homophobic? 😅

Well, it is a risk you're taking!

Hello, Pope Francis, how is it there in your white frock, velvet slippers and diktats the blame the daughters of Eve for all the world's ills?

Btw, we bring up children, especially in the UK. We don't raise them, that verb is for barns
Bring up" is typically limited to the context of taking care of a child during development, while "raise" can encompass various meanings which include increasing something or lifting something to a higher position.

YABVU. Sex is sex. That’s all. If an adult of either gender wants to have consensual sex with each other for any reason, then enjoy and have at it. As adults each are able to make and take responsibility for contraception. No adult should be made to stay with anyone (child from the relationship or adult in a relationship) if they don’t want to. That is how you get abuse. Yes financially accountability should still exist. Improvements to child support agency would have been a better title for this post. Societal shaming. No. We should be aiming to have better support to enable families to cope rather than expecting them to manage cokplex
children on their own.

This.

I’ve never wanted to get married and never will :) I love that marriage isn’t seen as necessary nowadays!

I agree that an actually or potentially fertile person should be prepared for the consequences of a pregnancy if having sex with an actually or potentially fertile person of the opposite sex. However, raising a child happily together is not the only reasonable consequence of an unplanned pregnancy.

We definitely need to improve as a society in terms of shifting the degree to which women end up with most/all of the childcare responsibilities if a couple splits (or never really were a couple). I don't know that stigmatisation is very effective, but it would be an improvement if what stigma there is for shirking/failing at one's fair share of parenting applied much more equally to men rather than primarily to women. We HAVE become more effective at holding both parents to account financially, but the bulk of the actual work of childcare and parenting still falls disproportionately on women.

... women who alter an otherwise positive dynamic in their new relationship by having sex with their new partner. How are the women altering it on their own if both people are having sex? Are these all same sex couples (both partners women)?

Just reading the thread about the mother's of disabled children they have really struggled to cope with and no mention of fathers

They chose to have children though. Obviously it’s not right that the father hadn’t stepped up. But the mother chose to have a child and whatever that brings with it. She could equally have chosen to have sex and not have a child. Women don’t have to be prepared to have a child with every man they shag - they have a choice.

But it’s not is it? We carefully use contraception. If it was to fail abortion is available and we are ok with it. So therefore my risk of having a baby is zero. Yes if you use the withdrawal method and don’t feel you could have an abortion, it is a risk. But that isn’t true for most who absolutely don’t want children.

Yet even in those circumstances, oh patronising one, it can still fail

I will tell my daughter that the most important decision she will ever make is the father of her children.
I'll also tell both my children that sexual attraction and intimacy is essential for a happy fulfilling long term relationship.
A life with crap sex or no attraction isn't something I'd want for either of my kids.

@Allfur "Yet even in those circumstances, oh patronising one, it can still fail"

Not sure what your point is.

That sounds like an attempt to control other people’s lives. How would that even happen? Some people have a stronger sex drive than others. Eg teenagers, who have sex at 14 (which is too young) and those, who don’t start until well in their 20s.

I don't think sex drives are necessarily the driver for when you start having sex

What is the driver in your opinion? Teenage hormones are all over the place, can be going wild. Sex drives are high at this age for evolutionary reasons.

Using contraception correctly can still fail as can the morning after pill