To think people shouldn't have sex with people unless you would both be happy and able to raise children together?

[Jjiillkkf]

Just reading the thread about the mother's of disabled children they have really struggled to cope with and no mention of fathers. Should society stigmatise abandoning families more? Would that not necessarily include discouraging quite so much recreational sex because of the potential outcomes?

Also inspired by other threads by women who alter an otherwise positive dynamic in their new relationship by having sex with their new partner.

Why is sex the be all and end all when it creates so many problems.

Aibu to think it is nothing but love and kindness to tell our sons and daughters to save it for a good person in a mutually loving, stable, permanent relationship?

I do think that people should take more responsibility when having sex.

No contraception 100% works.

1. Both parents should always accept responsibility for children they have created together.
2. Recreational sex is fine for those who are happy with that.
3. Only having sex with those with whom we have some sort of meaningful relationship is fine for those who are happy with that.
4. Proper contraception should be in place for those not wanting children.
5. Abortion should not be used as a form of contraception.

These are the things I would teach my children and indeed have taught them.

I think a lot of people on this thread are underestimating the impact of abortion on a woman’s mental health.

Well that's why the OP's opening post isn't ludicrous, ultimately sex can lead to a baby, so you need to be comfortable enough with the potential outcomes and choices before doing it. If abortion is so heinous to a person, they will need an appropriate risk based approach to sex which should be more risk averse than someone comfortable with the choices.

If the father is abusive, the child won't do better in life. If the relationship is miserable and the parents stay together, the child won't do better in life. It's possible to have a happy home with only one parent

What defines "abusive" though.

Emotionally abusive?

I've often seen women call their ex partners emotionally abusive,

but then I see the woman herself shouting and screaming at the child. So she is also emotionally abusive.

WTF?
Unmarried couples, the man needs to attend the registration office to put his name on the birth certificate. So if he refused, he gets to walk away from any financial responsibility for the child he helped make?
In fairness to this poster though, men in the UK are allowed to walk away from their children without a backward glance or a penny paid to their children.

You’re confusing lone mothers with single mothers. I am a single mother but the children have an active relationship with their father. Possibly a more positive one as (is usually typical) I meet the majority of their care needs and he gets to do the bits that seem fun. You can be a single parent but it doesn’t mean the children don’t have two parents in their lives. Or even grandparents - I didn’t have a father growing up but I have very involved grandparents which (for me) more than made up for it.

No, but we should be pleased that they have access to clean, safe and legal abortions, and that they have the choice to decide what is right for them. I would 100% back my daughter without asking questions or shaming her if this happened to her and she made a choice for herself.

I do think people take such little responsibility around sex.

Sex is not just for enjoyment. It makes children.

I used to know a woman. She would go back and have sex every weekend with different men. She was also very lax about contraception. The men were also very lax about contraception. They didn't care.

She became a single mum to two kids from different dads. The kids grew up in very bad circumstances.

You have to look at what could happen

I don't think your terminology on lone mothers/single mothers is correct.

My cousin is a mother. Her child doenst see his father at all. My cousin calls herself a single mother.

Right to clarify, I'm talking about children who don't see their dad at all, or see them very little

That would not work as you can't just name a man. Feckless men would then have a choice about whether to be on the birth certificate.

@Abbylikeswine abuse is abuse. Do you really think emotional abuse is alright, because sometimes women do it too? Your later posts are quite judgemental.

A lone parent is just that - someone who parents alone, may be because the other parent refuses, or perhaps died. A single parent is someone who is not in a relationship with another adult, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re parenting completely alone.

This

Well if course shagging would come before children. Basic biology

YABU, I don't want a relationship but I don't want to be celibate for the rest of my life.

What we should be encouraging is safe, consensual sex whether it's in a relationship or not.

i feel quite strongly about promiscuity , internet porn, Only Fans, the sexual treatment of women. I feel society is going in the wrong direction. So many young men and women can’t find a partner at all. However sex is a normal part of a loving relationship, whether the relationship is long-lasting or not.

No...I think this idea is ridiculous. Sex is recreational for many. I mean plenty of married women with children already, feel strongly that they don't want more children ...does this mean they shouldn't have sex again with their husbands?

I am very old and the only conclusion I have come to after many years of working in the filed, that you can try your best to pick a good man and build a stable relationship but you have NO IDEA what pregnancy and a child will do to the relationship until you're in it.
It's sad but there are so many cases of a man turning out to be a tw@t or abusive or not engaging or doing his fair share, and you just cant always predict it.
And yet people still blame the women

Life would be a lot easier all round if absent fathers were pursued for child maintenance. If they can't parent, then they should financially support. Poverty is an added trauma for mothers doing it all. You will never prevent people procreating but being able to walk away scott free is so common, including the self employed who seem to organize their finances with impunity.

I can only comment on my own situation.

My ex became abusive &controlling as soon as our DS was born. I took DS and left. I returned to my career, and found a lovely childminder close to my office.

I then bought a house in a nice healthy rural area, when DS was 3, where we have lived ever since. Ds spent 7 years at a small rural primary and is now in the lower 6th of his senior school. He has 10 good GCSEs and is studying three stem A'levels.

I have provided him with security, consistency, a good standard of living. He is loved, safe, well fed, well cared for, happy, confident, well provided for. I and the school have done a far better job without ex around. DS does not see drunkenness or manipulation. No stupid game playing.

He sees his dad usually 6 hrs a week. Ex has never done a school run or a dentist appt. He takes him nowhere, adds nothing to his experiences. He visits only because he thinks it still gives him a vestige of control, then sits and browses his phone.

Every circumstance is different and I think most mums do the very best they can for their children. It's about time governments of every political persuasion recognise the enormous value single mums provide to this country, focusing on the needs of children, while working full time.

Aibu to think it is nothing but love and kindness to tell our sons and daughters to save it for a good person in a mutually loving, stable, permanent relationship?

but then what if this ‘permanent’ relationship doesn’t work out? What if they are in the position you describe above then have children and it still doesn’t work out?
It’s not sex itself that causes so many problems it’s people actions that do

Jesus.

Women need to start getting organised about changing the law around child support. The current system makes fathers' responsibilities optional (or tiny) and its massively unfair. Meanwhile, these guys are sitting around smirking about it.

Sex is the be all and end all for very few people.

And relationships for older people :(

But I suppose OP means fertile couples...