To think people shouldn't have sex with people unless you would both be happy and able to raise children together?

[Jjiillkkf]

Just reading the thread about the mother's of disabled children they have really struggled to cope with and no mention of fathers. Should society stigmatise abandoning families more? Would that not necessarily include discouraging quite so much recreational sex because of the potential outcomes?

Also inspired by other threads by women who alter an otherwise positive dynamic in their new relationship by having sex with their new partner.

Why is sex the be all and end all when it creates so many problems.

Aibu to think it is nothing but love and kindness to tell our sons and daughters to save it for a good person in a mutually loving, stable, permanent relationship?

The current birthrate suggests that women in this country have got the hang of birth control. It is society’s expectation that women should settle down with the men they fancy that is a problem. If women threw back the bad ones after sex, there wouldn’t be an issue.

Oh, are we morally postulating this morning? I haven’t even had my coffee.

Absolutely not. No responsibility sex is the best sort, I wouldn’t have missed that era of my life for anything.

@Jjiillkkf "Contraception fails and are abortions particularly something we would hope our children get the joyful experience of in their lifetimes?"

No. But we would hope that our daughters have easy, quick non judgemental
access to essential medical care.

So we go back to a Victorian situation where families are forced to stay together in utter misery, to no-one's benefit. Children see abusive relationships and think they are normal, and the whole ghastly cycle perpetrates itself for ever.

Why would anyone think that is a good idea?

Urgh blame everyone and everything for people who abandon their children 🙄 instead of the people who are actually abandoning them

My disabled child was planned he was still ditched by his so called father and we were married too

Men are perfectly capable of getting themselves on the BC, so why do you put it all on the woman, like she could force him to come register the birth anyway, especially if it benefited him not to be? When are men going to be held to the same level of responsibility as women?

I agree with you. I don’t think we should tell young people that if they use contraception everything will be fine, because contraception is unreliable. For boys this is especially important because they only have control over condoms, which are obviously one of the less reliable forms of contraception and because they don’t get to decide what happens if the contraception fails.

The obvious conclusion is that heterosexual, fertile people should ideally only have sex in the context of a committed relationship or with someone they’d be happy to co-parent with.

Aibu to think it is nothing but love and kindness to tell our sons and daughters to save it for a good person in a mutually loving, stable, permanent relationship?

Good people can change, no relationship ever comes with a guarantee

Instead, why not accept and organise society around women having children without permanent, live-in partners? That's what we get, anyway, so why not be open about it? Boost child-maintenance, sack 50/50, boost childcare, make more opportunities for flexible working etc. Make life liveable for women. Accept that most of us are going to be mothers.

Indeed.

I'm not sure why people are criticising women for having kids with bad 'uns.

The reality is that more and more women are refusing to, but it's going to take time.

I imagine we'll end up going the same way as Japan, Italy and South Korea in terms of birthrates.

For some people it will be, for some it won’t. My friend and I had abortions in our late 30s and early 40s and it was a practical decision that neither of us regretted. It’s not a universal experience but it’s not a rare one either.

It’s almost like sex is pleasurable and people enjoy doing it or something..

The whole topic of this thread seems as silly to be as saying if you should never drink alcohol unless you’re happy to have liver failure.

Cute but not all children who have been abandoned by their birth father is as a result of not saving themselves.
Mum and dad can be married for years and go onto have a baby.
Sometimes men are triggered by pregnancy and just walk. It's possible it's a psychological issue but midwives do ask questions to the dad in the assessment and note that domestic violence is increased during this time.
Others find that they just don't have it in them to be part of their child's life if they are disabled. The responsibility of keeping a child safe and we'll is challenging for most but when they come with health conditions which land them in hospital a lot, some adults just cannot do it.

"I think a lot of people on this thread are underestimating the impact of abortion on a woman’s mental health"

For some women yes. For many others no impact at all. And for many others a bit of sadness, but an understanding that it's the best course of action. Scaremongering is not a good thing.

I understand that, I think being very young and dealing with it must be very different to being a fully grown adult. BTW, never said I regretted it, it was the right decision and the one I would make again but it was a very formative experience and I just think it is being suggested very flippantly here, where in reality it should be a last resort.
I am a huge advocate of long acting contraception in addition to condoms particularly for the young.

Well done OP. All that money spent on developing safe contraception etc and all that was needed was a quick word with the children. Just say no. If only we'd known that centuries ago, just think how simple life could have been.

I would rather they had the option of having an abortion than being stuck with a terrible father or not experiencing sexual pleasure with another human EVER.

The CSA just needs sorted out.

The errant fathers need to feel the pain of having no life and no money the way the women they impregnated do.

They get away with far too much.

First you completely forgot that same sex relationships exist, then you suggest that it’s just a choice to switch.

Sex is fun, it’s also an equal responsibility of both (or more if that’s your thing) engaging in it to be protected. It’s less about abstinence (which never, ever works as a society) and more about stopping putting a culture of responsibility and blame on women. It’s not just a woman’s responsibility to protect from pregnancy occurring, it’s not just our ‘fault’ if it happens. Teach your sons that they should never accept ‘woman on pill’ as an absolute, unless he is actively wanting a baby or as sure as humanly possible both are clear of STIs, it should always be wrapped up. Or suggest making vasectomies mandatory, get them reversed when they want kids (there would soon be a huge outcry…)

No, of course not. It's perfectly valid to want to have sex with someone you have no desire at all to have a child with.

But plenty of people are lax with contraception, the fact STI rates are increasing makes that clear. The growth of the "natural cycles" thing and younger people thinking the pull out "method" is a thing are both concerning. I know lots of people who have a fairly "what will be will be" attitude.

Use hormonal contraception properly plus a condom and the likelihood of getting pregnant is absolutely miniscule. Then you can shaggy as many dodgy blokes as you want. 😊

This any good?
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-ZT8y7OkzW/?igsh=MW04c2kxbXFpMTNwcA==
Might have persuaded me to remain childfree tbh.

Oh and as a mother of disabled children, yes life can be very hard. But my once absolutely fine relationship was unsustainable after we had the children. In our case we’ve worked out a fairly ok system of shared care, but if you said I’d have to be a lone parent or stay in that very long term relationship, I’d choose be going it alone every time.

Or perhaps more homosexuality as is free of the consequences of potential children. I wonder if there’d be an increase in bisexuality within society if an opposite sex partner was not possible. I’m sure I saw a documentary on a woman’s prison and some inmates were in sexual relationships despite saying on the outside they were straight.

How are children brought up by single mothers a better idea though?

All studies show that children do better in life, when they have a father around