To be surprised by the amount of people on here who have no family and no friends to rely on

[fossilgap]

It always strikes me as odd that a couple only have each other and nobody else to call on , and this has been the same for years on here, it’s not a new thing.
Of course with the family, this could be by choice, but surely everybody has a mate or two left unless you live in total isolation

No, I don't.
Family died, and friends dropped me because I believe in biological sex and support women's rights.

I had one day a week off work and spent the afternoon (every single week unless absolutely torrential rain) sat on the park near school chatting to other parents while we watched our children play. Week in week out.

Not doomscrolling. Chatting to the people near me. It was scary at first, but over the years has given me great friendships.

Top tip: in winter take a thermos mug with your choice of warm drink.

To the people astounded it does happen. Some people have had very chaotic upbringings which causes issues bonding with people. My violent upbringing gave me CPTSD, I saw things no kids should see and it scars you and makes it hard to form connections. It’s easy to judge just because you haven’t walked in our shoes. You can say oh well just put the effort in, it’s not that easy for some of us. And yes I keep getting back up, I try my best.

Even if they have grandparents they don't always get on lol.
Plenty of mother and father in law problems on here.

My family is in another country and DH’s nearest family member is a little over an hour away but they have their own lives and his parents are over 5 hours away. We have three children with the oldest being non-speaking autistic which makes getting childcare difficult. We rarely see our neighbours and the one behind us works away most of the time.

MIL has hinted at us moving up near them for years, but we love where we are and it is not an option due to the lack of SEN schools in their area and spaces. We’re lucky our son is in a SEN school 20 minutes away, others we know are not so lucky.

We don't really, my parents unfortunately both died, my in laws live 500 miles away so we only see them maybe once a year when we go up to visit, I have siblings that are 15 or so miles away and although we see them regularly they both work full time and have young families so really its just me and my husband, eldest is 18, 2 others primary school age and we've probably had help with childcare maybe 3 or so times, between us we manage. The 6 weeks school holidays are the hardest

I emigrated and had my family in another country, so my parents and in-laws are in our home country. I put in a lot of effort to make a strong circle of friends, particularly when I had my children. People often tell me I’m lucky, and I agree to an extent, but also I put myself out there and did things that felt more like hard work than socialising to get to this point. I think sometimes people don’t realise that they need to work at making friends that you can rely on to help you sometimes.

My DM had 2 close friends who offered to look after me and DB when we were children but family, forget it. The family lived approximately 30 mins away, same direction but different houses. My step grandmother did mind us a few times when we were teenagers but this was paid.

It's a mn thing. In RL not one single person I've ever met, nor anyone / any of my friends - or people they know , or family - and the people they know, has no one. So of 1000+ people all have one person to call on.

My partners dad is dead, his mum lives across the country. My mum and dad are both disabled. Don't have close friends that I could ask for help regularly. So no support system its just me DH which honestly is very difficult with a 1 year old and 4 year old but is what it is.

Yes to some of these but anyone helping me out with my child needs training in epilepsy emergency meds and what to do when he needs them (his respiratory drive is often affected when he needs his emergency meds) . They need training G-tube feeding and how to replace a Mic-Key in an emergency (he had a emergency replacement at school today and even the staff at his specialist school needed to call out the community nurses to do it) and they need a good understanding of how to manage dystonia, they also need a WAV to collect him in as he travels in his wheelchair and not in a car seat like a lot of his age group would do. We live an hour away from his school so there are no school gate meet ups.

@OnceIWasAMormon
200 hours. I don't agree with that.

Yeah, I think that if you find a friend you just 'click' with, it doesn't take 200 hours to connect and become close.

Unfortunately in my field of work, I regularly see people who have no body in their lives and the only people they have a chance to speak to are supermarket assistants or carers.

I take it you work with the elderly? Sadly, I fear this is my future. I have no children, no siblings and no nieces or nephews. It's looking like a long and lonely road through old age for me.

I think a lot of people have family but the family are not in a position to help out even on an equal favour basis.

This we are some distance from family - and they have ill heath, work, other caring responsibilities - they are at the end of the phone which is a help just not a practical one.

Also we moved around a bit - and while people mean to keep in touch many aren't great at it. Changing jobs location or divorces- kids getting older or falling out - takes two sides to put effort in to stay in touch. DH keeps trying to meet up for a drink with ex college and friend in city we used to live in - he's only one left there - every time he ends up nearby - the excuses get lamer and lamer - last one even our teens mocked.

Plus areas aren't the same. Some place it easy to get to know people - often many in same boat not near family - other places it's near impossible how ever much effort you put in.

Plus when shit does hit the fan like PP I found my friends vanished - though came back when things had quieten down to ask for favours from us again.

I think we had more acquaintances - people you nod to at gate ask quick questions off and very occasionally a small favour - but that stops past primary years.

It’s not surprising that a lot of people who use an online support forum don’t have a great deal of support from family/friends. I do not find that at all strange.
i work in a community based job and this isn’t unusual at all. A lot of people have traumatic childhood and are estranged from parents. A lot of parents have friends, but they have children of their own who aren’t on hand to help.

DH's parents are 4.5 hr drive away but have no interest in being helpful anyway. My parents live 45 min away but my sister's children live with them full-time as she's not well enough to look after them and their father is dead.

We're fairly new to our area and haven't made close friends. Everyone local seems to have grown up here and is surrounded by their own family and long-term friends. They don't seem to want to get to know anyone new.

Depends what you mean - dh and I don’t have much family, especially me, but I have some good friends who’ve been there for me over the years, and vice versa. As for a proper emergency, that’s harder as we did have one a few months ago - thankfully in the end it was ok as there wasn’t anyone around at that exact point to help - maybe dh’s brother, which sort of proved you need some family or very close friends.

We’re a military family moving every couple of years, living 6 hours away from my family and childhood friends. His only family is his sister 4 hours away. It’s hard making and keeping friends moving so frequently, especially when your neighbours are doing the same and change every 5 minutes

You've had threads about this before and you need to have some therapy because your worries are ruining the life you have now.

I know, but they are surely very valid worries. I know someone else who had therapy for the same thing and it didn't take her worries away therefore I fear I am stuck with them for the rest of my life.

My parents had both died by the time I was 30 so never even met my daughter, my in laws still work and all my friends work, so when it comes to things like emergency childcare there really isn't anyone but me and DH who could do it.

I have mum friends at school who can help out with pickup and after school/holidays on occasion but wouldn't take advantage of that so we tend to switch off and help each other out.

I guess it’s really hard to meet people if you aren’t naturally outgoing, especially as you get older.

I’m lucky enough to have several good groups of friends but we don’t readily accept new people into our groups as it changes the dynamics.
I might like X to join but perhaps A might not like them. Or B might want to include Y, but I’m not keen on Y. It’s just easier to have an unwritten rule to keep the group as it is.

The only new friends I’ve made in the last 20 years are individual friends that I see on their own, or work colleagues who count as fun friends rather than real close friends who I have a lot of shared history with.

I have a lot of people I could ask for help on a temporary basis, but tbh I think longer term help would strain relationships too much. I’d have to be pretty desperate to ask for that type of help, and I wouldn’t be keen to give it either. Life is far too busy. Emergency, or help with an end date, absolutely.