Why do so many women blame peri menopausal for their moods?

[needsomewarmsunshine]

It's a totally natural thing but so many on here blame it for moods, bad behaviour, petty thinking and more. Inspired by another thread becoming annoyed about two men wearing caps in a restaurant.
You don't like it but why blame it on peri ? You are allowed to be annoyed /irritated about anything you want. It doesn't need an excuse to be human, just makes women look a slave to their moods.
I've been through it and used to get pmt badly. You are women and your body is taking its natural course in life.
If someone is being a twat, they are a twat whether you are peri of have pmt.
Ready to be flamed😄

Convenient scapegoat. It happens for everything.

I have had peri rage - this led to a 6 month separation with my partner and literally wanting to blow up my life. It was eye opening, as I am usually just the grin and bear it type of person, and it turned me into a crazy ‘this is not right - I need to sort this out immediately and with anger!’

Then we had counselling and got back together.

I am wondering if it will come back after having a baby recently. Scary days.

Well said, missamyp
Of course some struggle more with menopause than others, even though it's a natural process, and yes it can affect moods quite severely, but that hardly justifies taking it out on others

FWIW I'm another who didn't have an easy time of it, but took the view that I have faults enough without making things even worse - though admittedly that was years ago, before all kinds of neurodivergence became the subject of armchair diagnosis

Missed word

Because the rage I felt in perimenopause was like nothing I had ever experienced. And was uncontrollable. It wasn't being 'moody' it was debilitating anger.

When was peri menopause invented/discovered or whatever. I mean when was the term coined. I'm late sixties and I don't remember anyone talking about it. The first I heard about it was on Mumsnet.

Are you actually serious?

I'm 51 so probably peri, no symptoms yet though and I don't have any rage. I don't live with men though, so I think that's probably an advantage.

I was mildly annoyed at work though, when a male colleague referred to a female colleague who forgot something. She blamed peri, and he repeated it. I was annoyed with him, not her

I agree to some extent, but like clockwork every month the week before my period I will rage at every little thing it's awful. Hormones causing mood swings are a real thing unfortunately!

Well yes. You can be pissed off because you're pissed off and you can be pissed off (or extra pissed off) because hormones are affecting your mood. Either may be understandable. But what the OP really seems to be saying is 'Stop talking about how menopause affects your mood. It's natural, and therefore nothing to complain about, so shut up. Also, you're probably just pretending it's your hormones when actually you're just a horrible, angry woman. So doubly shut up.'

I'm way past the age of peri and menopause, being almost 76.

I didn't go down the usual menopause route as I has a total hysterectomy in my late 40s and was on HRT for a number of years.

I don't have mood swings but I can, and do still get angry about a number of things: politics (particularly Brexit), injustice, the treatment of women and so on and so on; the list is long.

What I have found though, is that as I've aged I've become more comfortable with expressing my opinions.

When I was younger I would bite my lip, more often than not, in order not to offend or upset anyone. And often if I did voice my opinions they might be ridiculed, or I'd been seen as a nag or harridan.

I think a lot of women have been made to feel that they need to offer a reason for having an opinion sometimes; almost as an apology for their thoughts, otherwise they might be called a 'Karen'.

I mean yes I'm allowed to be angry but every month I get angry, then burst into tears and say "I don't know what's wrong with me" and get really stressed about it
Then I check my phone app and without fail I'll be due on
Otherwise I would think I was going mad because it's so sudden and so unlike me

YANBU

It does affect your mood but that is absolutely no excuse to act like a bitch.

Same as when you come on your period.
Some women really struggle to regulate their emotions but again it’s no excuse to be a dick.

Every person you meet that is rude to you is likely because they’re stressed about something - but that is absolutely no excuse.

We are responsible for our own behaviour.

If we are feeling short tempered then we should try and remove ourselves from the situation if we cannot regulate our emotions.

We shouldn’t have to pay the price because you are in a bad mood.

Why were you annoyed at him?

I was never peri menopausal, I was just a moody cow. I had a hysterectomy that brought on the menopause and i was an even moodier cow, i own my moods but not every woman can, they will come up with any excuse for being mardy. It would seem the vast majority of British women become peri menopausal at aged 21.

I like how the op of that post was annoyed about everyone ‘having an excuse’ while using peri as an excuse to be judgemental 😂 I see both sides. I get horrendous PMS and am currently all up and down with breastfeeding/postpartum hormones. I feel ‘run’ by my hormones most of the time! I acknowledge it and apologise if I’ve been a dick, and I don’t use it as an excuse to be more of a dick!

Well in my case I can quite clearly see a change that can be attributed to peri hormones. At 42 my periods went haywire, I started getting really bad PMT (had never had it before) and became anxious and panicky.

I'm 52 and undoubtedly in peri. I don't get have rages or emotional outbursts, but I did start getting fairly major anxiety. I started taking some supplements, which really helped. I think it's fine for me to attribute my increased anxiety to perimenopausal hormone changes, as that is the logical, most likely cause. I'd have been a bit taken aback if someone had said to me 'Why are you blaming your anxiety on perimenopause? It's a natural process, you know!'

I’m usually a very chilled person. Never one to rant & very placid.

Except when I used to have PMT (not every
month - the hormones would be horrific around every 3 months. Paranoia increases, sense and reason goes out the window. I have a bit of high maintenance husband we would only argue during these periods as I couldn’t take his crap and or reasoning. This PMT has been replaced with something else.

Now I’m 46 it’s hard - the emotions during this time horrible, I just want to be me not this monster who is short tempered and struggles with confidence and full of anxiety. And weight gain - I look in the mirror and don’t always recognise the person in front of me once always a size 8 now hitting 14 (and occasionally 16) while I stare at the salad in front of me.

Be glad you’re lucky it hasn’t affected you in this way but don’t make out it can’t be happening or it’s an excuse.

I don't agree with this. I'm quite a sociable person. But ,during bouts of depression would probably come across as 'rude' ,simply because I could barely function let alone have a conversation with anyone! My niece has autism and has been accused of being 'rude' because she simply cannot make eye contact, amongst other things.

Surely it's not hard to grasp that some women are more affected by their hormones than others. Just because you were fine! I suffered terribly through puberty and I'm suffering through peri menopause at an early age at the moment. I never use it as an excuse to be an arse to people of course, I don't even tell people. But I do get horrendous anxiety, rage and mood swings.

Seriously? Just because something is a natural process, it doesn't mean it's good for you.

During perimenopause, hormones are in flux, constantly. For some, this will greatly affect their mental health and mood. Anxiety and depression is a common side effect of perimenopause to the degree that many GPs simply dole out anti-depressants rather than HRT.

Im on Day 14 of bleeding after taking HRT. The bleeding started after being on it for 13 weeks. I stopped taking HRT nine days after the bleeding started. Im much more irritated now than i was before taking it due to having heavy bleeding (not spotting as they like to claim) period pain, piles peeing every ten mins period shits All the things i had to go with my periods came back. I never had a sore fanjo before HRT but i do now thanks to all the bleeding. Ive been on the mini pill for three years. No periods for two years + My last heavy one must have been around 2018/19 Its affected my sex life (which wasnt a problem before) Took this to prevent possible future problems and in doing so ive created a problem in the present. Im 51 and possibly still in peri and mini pill possibly stopped my periods but i wish id never touched HRT and took the leftover pills to Boots yesterday to be destroyed.

Empathy is not your strongest suit, OP.

I think I agree with the OP’s point that women are allowed to just be pissed off. They shouldn’t feel they have to have a hormonal justification.

But on the other hand it’s well known that perimenopause can have an effect on mood/tolerance/patience levels.

Perhaps it's because we get to a certain point in our life managing just fine and then BAM! Might as well be having a second puberty.