Why do so many women blame peri menopausal for their moods?

[needsomewarmsunshine]

It's a totally natural thing but so many on here blame it for moods, bad behaviour, petty thinking and more. Inspired by another thread becoming annoyed about two men wearing caps in a restaurant.
You don't like it but why blame it on peri ? You are allowed to be annoyed /irritated about anything you want. It doesn't need an excuse to be human, just makes women look a slave to their moods.
I've been through it and used to get pmt badly. You are women and your body is taking its natural course in life.
If someone is being a twat, they are a twat whether you are peri of have pmt.
Ready to be flamed😄

Totally agree, own it, it's natural.

I don't think I've seen people use it as an excuse often, rather more as an explanation for it. A lot of women don't expect it to be as bad as it is, my poor mam turned into a demon and really struggled with it.

@ComtesseDeSpair is right. (As usual).

Peri does absolutely impact mood and it can be quite severe.

I think that quite often though it’s easier for women to use “hormones” as an excuse to speak their mind in certain situations when they have been socialised to be very accommodating and tolerant. See also PMT and pregnancy.

As a younger woman I very often let someone have both barrels from me if they pissed me off only to cringe back to them saying “sorry it’s my hormones” because I felt I had overstepped the Be Nice barrier.

Nowadays I don’t really care about keeping the peace and I know myself well enough to know my boundaries have been crossed. So if someone pisses me off I will own it rather than saying “sorry I am a hysterical woman who has no agency because I am a slave to my menstrual cycle.”

90% of what’s described as “hormonal” behaviour imho is women lacking the confidence to tell people to take a hike and thus channelling their righteous anger into tears, sulking and other less direct forms of communication.

Hormone fluctuations can cause mood changes that you would not typically experience, it is a natural stage in life but it can and does come with symptoms, some people experience this in varying degrees.

Not sure what the point is tbh?

Maybe because what you're saying doesn't make any sense. Hormones are capable of having very real, very powerful effects on all kinds of things in the body and and brain, including mood. It's no more wrong for a woman to recognise and acknowledge that perimenopause is affecting her state of mind than it is to recognise that, for example, teenage boys' behaviour can be affected by hormonal changes during puberty.

Just because something is 'natural', that doesn't mean it has no effect on you. Childbirth is natural too, and it fucking hurts and can cause all kinds of physical problems. Sounds like you've got a heavy dose of internalised misogyny going On there, OP.

Yep, agree.

So you know more than doctors and the experts that have studied perimenopause and worked with women who are suffering? Or do you think these medical experts are lying.
I nearly killer myself when peri hit. I guess you’re going to dismiss that too.
The one thing you're right about is that some people are twats. I can’t call you that on here because it will get deleted but If the cap fits …

I agree to a certain extent. Earlier in our marriage DH used to suggest that maybe I was annoyed/angry because "it was that time of the month". He wasn't acutely aware of my cycle but it was a convenient get-out clause rather than consider that I might have been justified by being annoyed/pissed off. Using "women's hormones" excused him from looking at the way he behaved , and whether I had good reason to be annoyed!!

But I can accept that peri/menopause can affect your mood. I am 46 so I imagine peri menopausal, so far I haven't found it awful but maybe I'm really grumpy without knowing it, or maybe I haven't properly experienced the symptoms so far.... (I'm not looking forward to it!)

@AllProperTeaIsTheft

Maybe because what you're saying doesn't make any sense. Hormones are capable of having very real, very powerful effects on all kinds of things in the body and and brain, including mood. It's no more wrong for a woman to recognise and acknowledge that perimenopause is affecting her state of mind than it is to recognise that, for example, teenage boys' behaviour can be affected by hormonal changes during puberty

I think both can be true though?

Peri undoubtedly can make people anxious, short-tempered, moody and intolerant. Thats unequivocally true.

But it is also true that “hormones” is an established get-out-of-jail-free for women who have been brought up to believe it’s unseemly or unfemine to tell people in direct language that they are pissed off.

As a recovering people pleaser I have done this many many times. My ex husband would typically respond to any criticism or anger from me by saying: “Are you on your period?”

It’s a time honoured way to shut down valid criticism from women and sadly we are shockingly complicit.

Right. But that's your whole point isn't it. It's due to peri.

Would you prefer women to say 'due to declining oestrogen levels I'm feeling irrationally angry over things that didn't bother me before" then? Bit of a ring to it.

It might be natural but that doesn't mean it isn't horrible and doesn't affect moods. I had to be signed off work for 2 weeks for the first time in my working life when I started HRT because of the impact on my mental health. Yes I was more irritable than usual but that was because I was highly anxious, miserable and stressed. Perimenopause is debilitating for some women, so what if it's natural? So we should never complain? Check your internalised misogyny.

I don't know about moods (mine went easily), but I am often flummoxed by the amount of women on MN who blame meno for their body weight.
In some, rare cases, perhaps - but not generally.

Even medical research has concluded that whilst weight gain may grow in different areas (belly instead of hips) it has nothing whatsoever to do with what you weigh. Unless you have medical issues or a metabolic problem, there is no reason peri or meno ought to make you fatter.
Middle age invariably correlates to less activity on the whole, from dependence on cars, seated jobs and WFH. A few hours at the gym won't shave off the extra cheese brick

I personally don't know anyone who gained weight at meno, unless they decreased activity and ate more.
The metabolism might slow somewhat but not to the extent that one has to live on 600 cals per day. This is extraordinarily dangerous advice, and I see it a lot on here.

I eat as I have always done, and only get a belly when I increase drinking wine. I am no more active then 20 yrs ago.
I do think meno is used as an excuse, tbh.
Some people's bodies alter after having children, but that is a completely different issue.

I am amazed by how many threads in S&B and Weight loss Chat focus on not being able to eat much now meno has arrived. People are taking this as factual and blaming it for weight gain. Not a healthy approach, really.

And to bust a myth - no, we don't all have to diet and exercise like crazy after meno to keep to a healthy weight.

Peri Menopause would make a great name for a middle-aged drag queen.

It's become trendy/fashionable. Mostly, it's nonsense, because it's perfectly normal to have bad moods now and again.

I agree with you, OP. Never bought in to the 'baby brain' thing either or used it as a reason / excuse for anything.

I don't know about moods (mine went easily), but I am often flummoxed by the amount of women on MN who blame meno for their body weight.

Oh nice. Throw in a bit of fat shaming as well.

Lucky you

I sort of disagree. Humans will always be slave to their hormones, that’s what they are there for – to drive behaviour. And some people have higher sensitivity to them than others.

A lot of the responses here just highlight how insidious misogyny is.

It is well known that for most people menopause onwards you need to eat less and exercise more.

I disagree with everything written here.

👏👏👏👏👏👏😂

To an extent I agree with you. I have a friend who is a bit of a bitch (friend of a friend really) and since being diagnosed ADHD she'll rant at us then go ' I can't help it - ADHD' so I'm kind of sick of bad behaviour being blamed on something.
But...I am peri (diagnosed through blood tests last year) and I'm a different person than I used to be. So I can't deny that my attitude to things and people has changed as a result.

This is like something my mother in law would say, from the same book as:

”I didn’t have any pain medication during child birth”

”periods are natural, just get on with it”

sigh.

Somehow I knew neurodivergence would be brought into this.
🤦🏻‍♀️
FML.

Although I should mention that neurodivergent women typically have a hard time with depleting oestrogen levels as this restricts dopamine transfer across the brain.