To think that parents should be more responsible for their children’s behaviour in public?

[Silentfriend]

Yesterday I had an experience at a cafe where a group of kids were running around, shouting, and causing chaos while their parents seemed oblivious, chatting away without intervening. It really got me thinking about how parents are often not held accountable for their children’s behaviour in public spaces.

I feel that part of being a parent includes teaching kids how to behave in social situations. It felt unfair to those of us trying to enjoy our time when it seemed like the parents didn’t care about the impact their children were having.

AIBU for feeling frustrated about this? Shouldn’t parents step up and take responsibility, or am I being too harsh?

It's not only the annoyance to others but a safety aspect as running in a cafe could hurt others,the children themselves hot drinks being spilled on them etc.

When I was a kid I remember this time when myself and a group of kids were running around in the bar where our parents were having a drink. (Kids not allowed in bars these days, so a long time ago). Anyway, if any adult was finding us irritating or if we were in the way they’d tell us in a nice kid friendly way or redirect us.

It takes a village. Not a village of parent shaming, judgemental, kid hating pricks, or people crossing the line and taking it upon themselves to discipline other peoples kids or undermine parents in front of their kids. Or people who have unreasonable expectations of age and stage of development aka kids behaving like kids. No!

It takes a village of reasonable people who recognise that public spaces (that don’t have age restrictions) are for sharing with everyone and who actually know how to communicate respectfully, kindly and effectively.

I look back and think parenting must have been so much easier in many ways for my parent’s generation. They were allowed to relax and enjoy adult activities and not be expected to micromanage their children, control their children, and could send their kids outside to play without having to go out there and constantly supervise them.

Yes, I know the world has changed. I have noticed that as the years have passed. But, this incessant nitpicking of parents is not a good change. This pretending that parents in the past were better than the parents in the present is also not good. It’s rubbish. There has been and always will be parents who could do better. No parent is perfect and it is a hard job.

If we want to see better parenting then we have to be a better village. And that ain’t happening with this current climate of contempt for parents and their kids.

Modern parents are rubbish at disciplining their kids… I can testify as I’m one too!

I do however have some help from my parents with discipline… but yes my 19 month old son did running around the hotel lobby including behind the reception desk! Much to the dismay of my husbands parents :(

Agree with the village

The UK society and culture doesn’t cater for families… compared to the other places. It’s not kid friendly

I think people should control their own children. Unfortunately standards of what is acceptable in public spaces differ greatly and many people are just lazy.

Not wanting children running around a cafe doesn’t equate to things not being family friendly.

I think that’s part of the issue some parents seem to be of the impression that family friendly = let them do whatever they want!

Perhaps it's not kid-friendly because parents no longer control or discipline their children...

I don’t think being annoyed at kids behaviour makes someone a judgemental “child hating prick”. kids are kids - it’s the parents I get annoyed with and a lot of people would massively overreact if you said anything however polite. Just ask most teachers!

Also I do suspect kids were better supervised in the past as there were no smartphones to gawp at!

Often parents don’t want others saying anything as their child does no wrong. I think parenting has got worse - parents want to be their child’s friend, for there to be no consequences and then we wonder why we now have children hitting teachers, rudeness, refusing to do as politely asked etc. It’s a real concern for the future.

A 19 month old must be physically retained not to run. I wouldn't tell such a small child off, just try to distract him or simply pick him up. However older children can be told to stop running around. Then again parents need to think about children's needs as well. Going to a café? Well, walk there or go to the playground first because children need to move about in order to be able to sit still.

I'm with you OP on that parents should be held accountable. But parents also need to make allowance for their children's needs before bringing their children to places where they ought to behave like adults (sit still).

You can't have it both ways though. You can't say that you want a village but don't want anyone disciplining other people's dc. And being part of a village means teaching your dc to respect other people and their space, and not letting them behave in a way that negatively affects others.

Basically what you mean is that you want everyone to be kind and understanding with wet blanket parents so that they don't feel bad. You want people to accept poor behaviour from other people's children. For them to look on smiling and say "well parenting is hard isn't it, they're doing a great job" when they are not actually doing a great job.

Personally I think that the UK is very child friendly. But people can only take so much, and they are getting fed up of entitled parents who think that they can opt out of putting the work in to raise their dc to be decent human beings.

Controlling a child's behaviour so it doesn't irritate others is the parents' responsibility not 'the village's'. Entitlement is the word that springs to mind - don't have kids if you're not prepared to put the time and effort into training them to be responsible and respectful of others.

As a kid I wouldn't have been allowed to run around somewhere like a cafe. And not just because it would irritate other customers, but because it would be unsafe for me and the staff.

I wouldn't allow my DD to run around a cafe either. She can go for a walk around (usually with one of us) to explore the new place, but safely and supervised. And she'll be told she can't because if she trips staff with hot food/drinks it could be dangerous.

We have to be able to take kids to public places, and it's not always going to go well, because they need to learn. But it's on parents to teach them the right behaviours, not to just let them run feral.

Some parentsof all generations have allowed their children to be a nuisance to others.

On the flip side, I get lots of judgemental looks when I tell my DC off for misbehaving in public. Like most things relating to parenting - you're damned if you do and damned if you don't

The UK is child friendly though.
Also, saying "it takes a village' doesn't mean parents aren't responsible for their own kids a part of the village.* *

I asked a child to push their scooter not ride it in the supermarket and got a right mouthful from the mother

Depends on the cafe. The cafe in my gym is always full of noisy kids after their swimming lesson. I accept this and don’t go at those times.

I'd smile at you if I saw you correcting your child - more folk need to consistently parent.

Yes the parents should tell them off and make them sit down.

I do think it’s a bit of a catch 22 though - people don’t take their kids places because it’s not deemed child-friendly / difficult to manage them in a busy cafe etc, so then they don’t learn how to behave in those places.

@Guavafish1 I wouldn’t feel too bad about your 19 month wanting to run around a hotel lobby - IMO these young toddlers can’t really be disciplined / told to behave anyway (only distracted!) and their tottering about is usually harmless as they are small / slow etc.

It’s bigger children running around in a small space that is more disruptive.

I've never had this. In fact I get the opposite when I tell my dc off in public, when I do notice how other people look it's usually sympathetic.

The 19 month old should be restrained by the parents.

The parents were unreasonable. I’d have made my child sit down or left if they were all hyped up. Surprised the staff didn’t say something. It’s dangerous too when people are carrying hot drinks

I agree. I'm all for the village and have no problem with other people speaking to my kids or telling them to be careful or think about whether X is the best thing to do here.

But I think out of the school parents I know (so see them with kids more often and know likely reactions) over a third would bite my head off for speaking / warning / disciplining their child (even if it wasn't discipline).

And I mean if I didn't know them, what they would do. Not because I know them