To think that parents should be more responsible for their children’s behaviour in public?

[Silentfriend]

Yesterday I had an experience at a cafe where a group of kids were running around, shouting, and causing chaos while their parents seemed oblivious, chatting away without intervening. It really got me thinking about how parents are often not held accountable for their children’s behaviour in public spaces.

I feel that part of being a parent includes teaching kids how to behave in social situations. It felt unfair to those of us trying to enjoy our time when it seemed like the parents didn’t care about the impact their children were having.

AIBU for feeling frustrated about this? Shouldn’t parents step up and take responsibility, or am I being too harsh?

We aren’t talking about running around screaming though.

We are talking about walking around. That is ‘gently and appropriately’.

A 19 month old doesn’t understand ‘you need to wait patiently until I have done X’, they are too young.

Yes children need to be taught boundaries, but insisting upon restraint in public places isn’t the way to do that IMO. A child walking around in a hotel lobby isn’t automatically misbehaving and the result of bad parenting.

There's lots of entitled parenting.

Yes people are using the lobby, including me.

If I want to walk around with my toddler while my DH checks in, that is not bad behaviour.

Children have more modes than ‘restrained’ and ‘running around screaming and being disruptive’.

People absolutely could be wandering around with hot drinks, or glasses of wine, in a hotel lobby. They are often places where people meet and relax.

If I told mine to wait at 19 months she mostly would. Or I'd distract her with something. A snack, a toy, a book. Always had distractions in the bag. Or I'd carry her, have her sat on my hip or the desk and involved in the check in process (or paying, or whatever we were doing). Or if we were both there, I or DH would do check in and the other would take her to look at something, or for a walk down the street for some fresh air.

There's no scenario where a small child needs to be wandering around a public space when it's not safe for them to do so.

This is the first time you've suggested that you would be walking around with your toddler.

Everyone is talking about children wandering or running about on their own.

YANBU. Yesterday I was at soft play in the under 3 section with my DD 22m. A group of children who were at least 5 kept running in, throwing balls at babies and toddlers, causing chaos, whilst their parents were just standing chatting backs turned to the area, occasionally turning around to say “be good.” After a few hints to the children that “this area is for babies” I actually just had to go to parents and be fairly stern and tell them to get their children out of the area and then was shouted at by those parents, who were clearly annoyed at being called out. Some parents do not parent their children and it is the thing I find most frustrating as a parent as it’s not something I can control but it has an impact on my daughter’s safety and experiences.

Some parents don't care of realise there kids running around cafes is annoying but those parents are the same ones who will kick up if there child gets scalded by the hot coffee they just ran into.

Walking around with your toddler is fine, as long as you are mindful of other people and spaces.

Yep I agree.

My dad lived in France and often we'd go to the village "restaurant"... was also a cafe, attached to a bar, and shop, and place of many hardware items.

Kids would mix around and have fun... but anyone there who saw an issue would sort it out...

child near the exit, someone would distract them, child fell over, someone would dust them off, child approached something sharp/heavy/dangerous... 10 people would shout "NO", "STOP".

I work in a pharmacy and once said "no, can you put that down please" when a child picked up a glass bottle of TCP... his mum complained to my boss.

The poster I was responding to was walking about a 19 month old.

I have never seen a 19 month old anywhere in public not closely followed / watched by a parent.

I really don't think kids were more supervised in the past. Young children were expected to be out the house without an adult for several hours (with other kids) until at least the 90s. Children were left in cars so parents could go to the pub. The culture of adult supervision is increasing massively across the developed world - see the work of Professor Peter Gray.

I remember that, but honestly these days, who'd say anything to a child? I wouldn't. I'd be far more likely to get a mouthful off Mum and Dad than my parents' generation ever would have.
If we got told off by adults when we were out playing as kids (and it certainly wasn't always in a nice way, sometimes we were yelled at) we didn't go running home to say, 'oh, the mean people said this', because we knew damn well if we got told off we deserved it, and we'd be hearing about it again from our parents.

And my parents (70s/80s) would have been mortified if we ran around in a cafe. We would have been out of there in double-quick time and hearing about it all the way home. Just like we'd have heard about screaming at the top of our lungs in the garden.

I have. Not all people parent the same way you do, which is why threads like this happen.

MIL once snapped at my BIL for letting his 18 month old run round a restaurant while we were having a family meal, neither he nor SIL were interested in stopping him. My DD would never have been left to run. One of us would have taken her to investigate if she needed to move. But we have also told her she needs to stay in her high chair til one of us is finished eating.

If we weren't able to get her to behave appropriately (it happens), we would leave. We'd try again another time, but we wouldn't just let her run around on her own. We'd also limit how much she wandered around with one of us, because that's not what settings like that are for.

Huge difference between walking around a hotel lobby to keep a toddler occupied while the other parent checks in - been there, and as a PP said it's particularly necessary after a long car journey to get them out and moving - and the toddler running around unchecked to the extent they get behind the desk!

Hotel lobbies can be busy with lots of people moving luggage and waiters bringing hot drinks.

I hate when people let their DC run around cafes and restaurants - it's not safe and it's not the place. They're places to practise sitting nicely, making conversation etc.

I agree both that it is not acceptable to allow children to run around in a cafe, or in a hotel lobby, and that the UK is not child friendly.

You don't need to be a disciplinarian to teach your children how to behave in different situations. It does take a lot of effort and engagement though.

I don't understand this. I've been to lots of places in the world. I've never seen a culture where children running around restaurants etc and crawling under other people's tables is acceptable and described as being child friendly.

Children should not be getting into places they aren't allowed either. That's also not "not being child friendly". I work in dentistry. It was fairly recently I was working and my surgery door opened and two small children ran in laughing. I assumed a parent would be right behind them apologising but nope. I had to stop treating my patient and take all my gloves off etc while asking where their parents were. They didn't just run in and back out again. They came right in and started roaming around the surgery touching stuff. They were 3-4 years old. I had to physically grab one of them to stop them touching the dirty instruments on my tray. I managed to get them back out and mum was just sitting in the waiting room reading her phone. I told her she needed to keep her children with her and she just sighed loudly and shouted at them to sit down then went back her phone. They proceded to climb on some chairs and pull lots of leaflets off a stand. I had to get back to my patient and leave the receptionist trying to stop them.

Yes, children can be a nightmare in public. Running around, screaming around and shouting, while. parents sit oblivious on their phones or talking.🤷‍♀️

Lazy parenting. 🙄

Same goes for running around a GP waiting room, running on the seating area and piercing screams. It's not a playground or as I was told "yes they absolutely can run around, the floor is carpeted (carpet tiles over concrete) and there aren't sharks in there" whilst demonstrating swimming!

PP's 19 month old clearly wasn't in quick reach of a parent if they ended up behind the reception desk though.

The 'village' theory only works though when parents take control too.

Example being in a soft play when a 7 year old was hitting my three year old. Mother sat at the table, smiling away, refusing to tell her child off but soon started scowling when I told her son off.

Went for a meal in a pub the tables were close to the bar, outside was a covered area and then the garden. A youn girl aged about 10 kept running in and out and around the bar. Parents did diddly squat.
Completely inappropriate that a 19mth old even got as far as behind the reception desk. I recall that out accommodation I. France was booked kindly by our friends without kids. The hotel reception was a parents nightmare one cloth covered table had a large glass of flowers on it. My twins were 2 yrs old and all three of my children had been in the car for 4hrs. Toddlers were kept on reins as the lift was too small for the double buggy. There really is a time and a place to let your child explore !

Many people are just so entitled these days. Cafes, shops, business spaces.. these are not areas for children to run around in but you see it all the time. Take your kids to the park, playground, soft play, your friends garden. It’s convenience though isn’t it, as long as the parents are having a good time, sod everyone else.

No child should be running around a cafe or restaurant.

• it is disruptive for other customers
• it is disrespectful of the staff and makes their job harder if they are carrying food and drinks around
• it is a health and safety risk: the child could knock down hot liquid or food and burn themselves or cause someone else to be hurt...

It really is basic parenting to make sure your kids don't cause a nuisance in this types of places.

No need for a 'village': your kid, your responsibility...

But yesterday I also read a thread with someone complaining about people parenting too loudly as apparently that’s performance parenting. You parent in public, you’re wrong, you don’t parent and you are also wrong.
I think I’ll keep just doing whatever works for me and my children as someone on mumsnet will always be prepared to burn me at the stake for whatever I decide to do or not do anyway.