Not to invite my sister's boyfriend to my wedding

[Chittychattymatty]

Hi. First time ever posting!
I love my sister. We are close and live in the same town! She is with her partner 4 years. Roughly same time as I am with mine. I cannot stand her boyfriend. Nor can my partner. He is exceptionally rude and ignorant towards us. He isn't particularly nice to my sister either. But she just doesn't see it. I have often had private conversations with her, pointing out different things that were offensive. Or behaviour towards her even that I didn't like or think was fair. She deserves so much more but for some reason she just doesn't see it. All my family are on the same page as me. We don't like him. I recently got engaged and I am actually dreading him coming to my wedding, being loud and obnoxious. Making it all about himself or he'll behave like a spoilt child and sulk.

Can I invite my sister and not have him at the wedding?

It's going to be messy, but yes you can leave him off the guest list.

Well you can but she may not come and it will cause upset, so if you are ok with that then go ahead.

Probably not without really hurting your sister.

Not inviting him will be the quickest way to make you wedding all about him. Choose a drama free life and invite him.

You probably have to invite him. It sounds like your whole family know he’s a knob anyway. But your sister seems to like him.
Can you ignore him in the crowd?

What will the fallout be?

You don’t have to invite anybody, but not inviting him could damage your relationship with your sister. Is it worth it?

No. You invite him. Id you sont ot will come back to bite you. You may lose your sister You will be busy on the day you wont see him

Yes, I think this too. At least at your wedding there would be lots of other people there to dilute him. It would put your sister in a v difficult situation to not invite him. I’d just make sure he was sitting miles away and not in many photos.

If you want your sister to ever speak to you again, I think you do, unfortunately.

It's your wedding so it's up to you who to invite/not invite.

There's a chance your sister may be very upset and might not attend if you don't invite her partner so you'll have to weigh up whether it's worth the risk of that happening.

How big of a wedding are you thinking of having? You might be able to avoid dealing with him most of the day. Hopefully you'll be too busy mingling and enjoying yourself to notice his antics.

To avoid damaging the relationship with my sister, I would suck it up and invite him. I really dislike my husband's best man's wife, but it was easy to avoid her at my wedding.

Don't give the twat a reason to bully your sister and keep her away from your wedding, you'll regret that more than him being there.

I had this with my brothers wife, rude, obnoxious, crass, etc but rather than fall out with my brother I invited her and kept out of her way.

no one in the family likes her but we tolerate her being invited for my brothers sake.

I think you need to look at it like this - one day your dsis might realise that actually he's not good to/ for her and she's going to need support with that. If you push her away now then she might not feel able to lean on you if that time comes. I would be doing all i can to tolerate him but making it clear to her that it's only for her benefit because you love her. Then you pick someone in your friend group/ wedding party to run interference and 'manage' him during the day so you don't need to deal with him at all.

You have to tread carefully. What if they get married one day or have children and he never forgets you for not inviting him and he uses it against you having a relationship with his children etc leaving you out of birthdays and events and since your sister is so blind to see his behaviour right now, she will be by his side in these decisions too. I think you should suck it up and invite him too.

You can invite/not invite whoever you want, but do you really want to risk your relationship with your sister?

That's a very good point and a fear of mine. That if we distance ourselves we won't be able to make sure she's safe and well. I would not put it past him to start damaging her mental well-being

You’ll wreck your relationship with your sister, and cause all the wedding talk to be about how he wasn’t invited. The whole focus will be on him.

Skip the drama and just sit him and her far away from you.

The plan is to have a small intimate ceremony followed with a meal with close family and friends and then into a big party! He could easily come to the party I could avoid him but the dinner and church might be too much. If he would just blended in and stay away I would cope but he doesn't. It's really all about him and if it's not about him he won't engage with us. He is very argumentative and his opinion is the best. It's really hard to tolerate him! I work in HR I have to deal with many different types of people and manage very well but he takes the absolute biscuit and I honestly avoid her if she's with him but we are so great when he is not around!!!

Can you dose him with laxatives at the pre-wedding meal?

If you love your sister you need to think strategically and be smart about this. Do not stop inviting her ( and by extension him) to anything, - keep your sister as part of the family so she knows she has a means of support and she is loved by family if she decides to leave him. if you don't invite him, it will be an excuse for him to use to alienate her from you and the family. tread carefully.

Doing that would hurt your sister and cause a drama where you’ve given him a great excuse to put himself at the centre of it. Every wedding has a share of difficult guests. On the day you will barely notice him, but if you are worried he’ll do something to draw attention to himself, ask other family members to keep an eye on him.

This would actually be very helpful for my situation!!! Haha

My aunt is married to a vile man but won’t leave him, we all dislike him intensely but are polite for her sake. I think families are very difficult.

It's been 4 years. The reality is the next wedding will be theirs. If you don't invite him you loose your sister for all events in the future. There are two situations. 1. He is such an arse that you are worried for your sister and her safety and so you and your parents do what ever it takes to be as close as possible and make her safe 2. He's a bit of an arse. It's a difference in values and behaviours. You find some common ground and just accept you won't always get along. All weddings have someone who is less than ideal.If you don't invite him you risk the relationship with both your sister and your parents down the line too.