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Original poster

Just found out he's married

143 replies

suusbsbsklckx · 20/09/2024 23:11

Been seeing a guy for a few months, so not long at all but it's been amazing.

we just click, have amazing chemistry, everything has been perfect. I honestly felt like I'd met my person.

and today i find out he's actually
married, and has a child.

I feel sick. I feel disgusting, the guilt is eating me up. And I feel awful with myself that there's a part of me that doesn't even want to end it. I feel so strongly for him that I don't want to let him go and I know that's an awful way to feel.

i know I need to end it. But I just need the harsh truth of how stupid I am to even consider seeing him again

OP posts:
ForAmberBiscuit · 21/09/2024 00:51

I am so sorry to hear this. You must be devastated. It's a horrible betrayal. I presume he is unhappy in his marriage but he needs to leave it first before involving a third party. I suspect with a young baby his marriage has suffered so he's strayed. You are not at fault here.

forevernumb · 21/09/2024 00:53

They lie because they want to hook you before it comes out as they know you would have said no in the beginning. Don't be his victim in this.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 21/09/2024 00:55

But it's just hard to turn those feelings off immediately

💯 and this is true of many breakups, it doesn't make you morally deficient.

Remember, he's cheating on you too @suusbsbsklckx . You thought you were in a monogamous relationship with him.

Avatartar · 21/09/2024 00:56

Oh god another one! Sorry OP. Get tested, you may not be the only one.
Block him and tell his wife.
Chin up, antenna out, dust yourself down and good luck, well done for trusting your gut

Delphiniumandlupins · 21/09/2024 00:58

You know he's not the person you thought he was. This isn't the relationship you thought it was and it never can be. If he can do this once he will do it again. You deserve better.

Just block him and move on. I know that feels hard but you will never completely trust him so why put yourself through more pain.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 21/09/2024 01:00

Avatartar · 21/09/2024 00:56

Oh god another one! Sorry OP. Get tested, you may not be the only one.
Block him and tell his wife.
Chin up, antenna out, dust yourself down and good luck, well done for trusting your gut

antenna out

I haven't heard this one. Is it advice for ants? Usually it's chest out isn't it? 😁

Catsmere · 21/09/2024 01:02

He's an adulterer, think how you'd feel if you were the wife he was betraying - bad enough in your position, so much worse in hers, and with a child. And if he's done this with you, what are the odds he's done it with someone else? I'd be getting checked for STDs.

I wonder if his poor wife knows what a piece of shit she's married to ...

MidLifeXrisis · 21/09/2024 01:03

Feelings don't just turn off. Be kind to yourself OP, none of this is your fault.
Block his number and avoid any further contact with him

PuppiesLove · 21/09/2024 01:06

He's not the man you thought it was. You love someone who doesn't and has never really existed. He's lied to you and his family. You don't need to feel any guilt because you didn't know. You have been used and betrayed too. If you do continue though, then I think it does reflect badly on you as a person. I think his wife deserves to know too, so she can make choices.

Catsmere · 21/09/2024 01:08

@PuppiesLove perfect summation.

MeMyselfandI2 · 21/09/2024 01:11

Aquamarine1029 · 20/09/2024 23:14

Stay with him and one day he will do the exact same thing to you. You're not special. This is will not be a fairytale.

OP, you are not special to the dirtbag, but you are a special person who deserves truth, transparency, and respect.

I am sure this is what Aquamarine1029 means.

ThirstyThursday · 21/09/2024 01:27

@suusbsbsklckx

I'm sorry you're going through this & he's not who you thought he was.

well done for walking away

tell his wife, YOU have nothing to be sanded about. He led you to believe he was single SHE has the right to choose to leave him. YOU wouldn't be destroying his wife or his marriage. That's on him.

its hard though, takes your heart a while to catch up with your head.

how did you meet him?

how did he by pass the single/married bit?

be angry with him. He's led you up the garden path and hurt your heart- you deserve better

Quiinkong · 21/09/2024 01:47

suusbsbsklckx · 20/09/2024 23:11

Been seeing a guy for a few months, so not long at all but it's been amazing.

we just click, have amazing chemistry, everything has been perfect. I honestly felt like I'd met my person.

and today i find out he's actually
married, and has a child.

I feel sick. I feel disgusting, the guilt is eating me up. And I feel awful with myself that there's a part of me that doesn't even want to end it. I feel so strongly for him that I don't want to let him go and I know that's an awful way to feel.

i know I need to end it. But I just need the harsh truth of how stupid I am to even consider seeing him again

You're probably not his first affair and might not be his only one right now. When I was a teenager (17), I met a married man (in his late 20s or 30s, can't remember) online and chatted to him everyday for hours while he was at work. I didn't really have friends and so, I grew attached to him and liked the attention i got from him. It eventually turned sexual online and I went to meet him at his work place where we had sex (lasted 30secs and I'm not even lying) and the way he acted right after made me feel used. He apologised and acted remorseful towards his unknowing wife and myself, i never did meet him again although we kept communicating for almost a year or so (he sent me a fb request around 2yrs ago, no bloody clue how he found me because I'm using a fake first name and of course I've ignored it).Now, as an adult, I would never cheat on anyone or be the other woman because I now know better. Be better and you will definitely find better.

Wittyapple · 21/09/2024 01:49

I’ve been here too OP and I’m sorry it’s happened to you.
its difficult to accept that they aren’t the person that you thought they were, but at the end of the day, you know the facts.
i think it shows a lot that you walked out and left.
just a reminder that this isn’t on you, you aren’t the one that should feel disgusting, but the only way to heal from this without regret is to rip the plaster off and go no contact.
there are men out there that will give you what you deserve.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/09/2024 02:14

You are as much a victim of this duplicitous piece of shit as his wife. Well actually less so as that poor cow cant just dump his sorry ass like you can, but YKWIM

Sadly, if you told her would no doubt charm his way out of it so no point in that. But at least you know that you did theright thing.

He is a serial cheater, as my ex husband was. Will string them along but never leave his wife. My ex was genuinely gobsmacked that I wouldnt have him back because (his words) "I only love you! I didnt care about them!" (this wasnt actually the reason the police removed him but in his head it was the reason I wouldnt have him back....). You didnt fall for it, good for you xx

HazelPlayer · 21/09/2024 02:22

but no he just admitted it. No shame.

I think you have encountered a sociopath/psychopath in the wild.

Run far away

And be glad you're not the one hitched to him and, much worse, with a child by him.

(Oh and the great connection you think you feel/felt is probably because he's a sociopath who's mirroring or fuck knows what).

Gunnersforthecup · 21/09/2024 03:44

I'm sorry, but the person that you fell for doesn't exist. He has shown you now what he really is and he isn't worth your time. You are lucky not to be more committed to this person than you are.

Edingril · 21/09/2024 03:46

So a married men has a bit on the side this story is as old as time, you are just another just move on

suburberphobe · 21/09/2024 03:52

OP, he lied to you and posted a pantomime character to you.

You've left the theatre now. Think of it like that.

Anyway, you do not want a man like that in your life. He's not real.

suburberphobe · 21/09/2024 03:55

Oh, and if you know, let his wife know. She deserves the truth.

Thevelvelletes · 21/09/2024 04:04

Op he doesn't value you nor his wife and child.im sorry if this sounds crude, you're a new fanny to use and obviously you deserve better..block and move on and then take time for yourself.

Onthemaintrunkline · 21/09/2024 04:21

You know what the right thing to do is. This isn’t going anywhere, and knowing what a lying cheating scum bucket he is would you in your heart of hearts want it to…..or could you ever trust him going forward. ‘‘Do it with you , do it against you’’.

DreamTheMoors · 21/09/2024 04:22

I’m probably old enough to be your mother, OP, and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that

He cheated on her — he’ll cheat on you.

I’m sorry.

Beforetheend · 21/09/2024 04:27

I’m sorry this happened to you @suusbsbsklckx

My twin strategy for extracting myself from unsuitable crushes is to focus on his negatives and find a better (fictional ) man to crush on.

So imagine him picking his nose or clipping his toenails, in vomit inducing detail.

And lean in to good box set series or book, and think about Mr Darcy or Jamie Fraser or whoever does it for you.

It’s a bit silly but it does work. You’ve got this.

TealPoet · 21/09/2024 04:27

As PP have said, the man you loved was never real. He’s a liar and a cheat and will be willing to do the same to you. It’s horribly unfair on you, his wife, his child - this is a ‘him problem’ and you need to run a mile. Then you can grieve over what you thought you had.