Just found out he's married

[suusbsbsklckx]

Been seeing a guy for a few months, so not long at all but it's been amazing.

we just click, have amazing chemistry, everything has been perfect. I honestly felt like I'd met my person.

and today i find out he's actually
married, and has a child.

I feel sick. I feel disgusting, the guilt is eating me up. And I feel awful with myself that there's a part of me that doesn't even want to end it. I feel so strongly for him that I don't want to let him go and I know that's an awful way to feel.

i know I need to end it. But I just need the harsh truth of how stupid I am to even consider seeing him again

This is actually a great reaction. Your instinct was to get up and leave. Keep walking! You didn’t react emotionally; you had the wherewithal to withdraw. That shows your innate strength and sense of right and wrong. More power to you.

Oh crumbs, OP - I'm so sorry. Your head must be in an absolute spin. It's easier said than done to just lose feelings for someone, but you've acknowledged that staying with him would be wrong. Someone that could do that to their wife and child would never be faithful. You are, unknowingly, the mistress. I hope you're able to move forward with you life - there are truly lots of decent men out there. He clearly isn't one of them.

Just know that one day he may betray you. Get out before it gets messy! Sorry, by the way.

Your feelings are based on a fantasy version of him not reality.

The fact he admitted it so easily shows he doesn't care about cheating on his wife and thinks you're fool enough to overlook it. Sounds like he's well practiced at affairs, you're probably not the first and almost certainly won't be the last he'll have.

As soon as you dump him he'll be straight back online looking for the next mug.

How did you find out?

Oof, what a horror. Will you tell her?

Have you heard from him since?

I think you reacted well too. Has he contacted you since you left? If so, what has he said? Is he trying to use the script or anything? Give yourself some time and please do think about telling his wife.

Well, he doesn’t sound like a keeper. I’d probably try to let the wife know anonymously so she doesn’t waste the next x years of her life with a rat….

OP it is hard to just switch your feelings off - even when you find out he was a lying twat and the man you fell for isn't real. It's more than just 'feelings for him' it's chemistry - pure and simple: endorphins, adrenalin, serotonin - all the good stuff that you get from a rew relationship - it's exhilarating and that 'buzz' makes it really REALLY hard to walk away.

But you just need to rip off the band-aid. Nothing good will come of this and the more you invest the more you and his DW get hurt. You will be the loser ultimately and it will be a lot harder to recover from when you also have the guilt of having knowingly fallen into being the OW.

It's shit. It's hard. You will miss him for a few weeks, but you'll be grand and he will still be a cheating fuck. Just bite the bullet and end it. Text would be fine.

If you pursue this he will tell you that things aren't going well with him and his wife, that they aren't in love anymore-they are more like brother and sister. He will tell you they are separating. He may tell you that he has never loved her and that he was trapped with a baby. Be wise OP. He isn't the love of your life. He is cheating with you on his wife, the woman he married and said vows too.
You are the other woman.
I'm sorry OP, I hope you can move past this and find someone.

He already has betrayed her!

@suusbsbsklckx I’m so sorry. Don’t ever speak to him again. The man you knew is fiction. This guy is not worth your words.

OP it's not just his wife he has cheated on and his family he has betrayed. He has also cheated on you who thought you were starting a serious relationship. He has betrayed you by putting you in a terrible position.

Get angry.

How awful and disappointing for you.

I think it shows that it takes a lot longer to get to know people than just a few months. It goes to show you cannot rely on chemistry and feelings that you click. I remember reading that new people are like foreign countries - you don’t know what lies beneath the surface and you have to watch and observe them over a long period of time - watch not how they treat you (because they are on best behaviour) but how they treat those who have been in their lives a lot longer.

What a horrible man. You'll just be one of the many notches on his (marital) bed post. Block and run and get yourself booked in at the sexual health clinic for a checkup.

Hope the next one does turn out to be your special person as this one doesn't deserve another minute of your time.

You’re sad about losing the person you thought he was not the person he actually is.

the person he actually is, js a lying cheating scum bag and you don’t want or need that.

heal and move on and you will find a good decent man.

This is one of the best pieces of insight and advice I have read on here. 100% this.

YANBU because you didn’t know and when you guessed you asked him.

You would be v unreasonable to contact him again. For all the reasons PPs have said.

I won't tell you to walk away. That's your decision. But I will say that I'm familiar with cheating men - my dad, and a former friend. Both superficially charming, with high libidos, interested only in getting the sex they wanted, whatever it took, whatever they had to say to get it.

Edited to add: Dad married his mistress, then cheated on her. Of course.

You had a lie. His lie.

Dump. Block.

Well done on asking him outright though.

I am so sorry, this is such a horrible situation for you. Please try and find the strength to finish the relationship. He isn't a decent person and you deserve better. My advice, never try to build your happiness on someone else's unhappiness.

The lovely single guy you thought he was, the one you have feelings for is not real. You’ve peeled of the mask and there is a lying chest underneath.

Say goodbye and mourn the imaginary guy, and then block the man behind the mask.

This happened to me, I found out after 10 months he was engaged with a child
Told him I knew, blocked him and waited a few days until he probably was relieved I hadn't told her
Then I told her

Tell his wife x

He’s not the guy you thought he was. He’s not the person you were falling in love with. Accept that and it will be easier for your heart.
dump him by text; “It’s over you cheating arsehole. Do not contact me ever again. You disgust me”