To tell Children's Services it is a malicious referal from school

[UndertheCedartree]

So DD's school have today told me they are referring us to Children's Services. Ever since I made a complaint they have been trying to off roll her. They are not putting in proper support for DD leaving her struggling and then not wanting to go in the next day. Apparently this is all my fault. I feel this is just another tactic for me to be so fed up with the school I pull her out.

Number 2

@PickAChew really nails it: "This reflects exactly how much the actual SEN system lets down parents who aren't excellent communicators (or, as can so often be the case, have some additional needs of their own.) so much of the time, it relies on parents being able to advocate effectively and sometimes aggressively for their children just to get their basic legal right to a "suitable" education met."

This is so true and a grim reflection of systemic, ablist practices which actively disadvantage families and create, rather than remove, barriers to children and young people accessing education.

I really feel for you, OP. I'm a teacher and SEND parent and have supported pupils' families to make direct applications for ECHP needs assessments as the process schools go through is clunky and, let's face it, even the most clued-up, empathetic SENDCO in the world won't match a parent's commitment to getting their child's needs met. Local authority resources are gatekept through a cynical process of attrition and running down the clock which leads to poor outcomes for children.

For all the posters suggesting that schools do not off-roll or make mendacious referrals; this absolutely happens. The definition of off-rolling includes school leaders deliberately making a child's experience of school, or the family-school relationship, hostile or strained to the point where parents agree to their child being taken off a school's roll or request this as a result of thinly veiled coercion.

OP, my advice for you would be to lean in to the referral, be open and transparent ‐hell, ask them how they may be able to support you and make it clear you welcome their involvement. They can help with so many things. I'd take care not to be defensive, confrontational or apportioning blame; just emphasis your efforts at working with school and what it is you would like to happen.

Good luck to you and your DD. This is becoming a distressingly common reality for many of our autistic girls.

That is just disgraceful and deliberate to antagonise the situation I’d suspect. Other students seeing her sitting in Reception in distress with her mum! Ripe for being bullied if she’s not already.

This is it exactly. There is an excuse for everything. Opposition to absolutely anything. If I said the sky was blue, the Head would argue it was green. And she would be absolutely delighted if I removed DD.

Is that the same as section 19 provision? I wanted to discuss that at the meeting but was unable to due to the Head dominating. But I will speak to the LA about it.

It doesn't sound like your daughter is suited to mainstream school with the scenarios you're describing. What support do you want from them, like exactly what is it you say the psych ed said?

I have a DC in Yr 9 mainstream with ASD and I know there's other at his school with various ND so I'm wondering exactly what support you say your daughter needs? It doesn't sound like its something a mainstream secondary can offer if things are as extreme as you say.

Yes, I have applied. I don't know if they need the EHCP money. I have appealed the decision. I have spoken to Sendiass but they can't support in a meeting. I did have someone to come with me then the school changed the date at the last meeting so she could no longer come with me.

This.

I asked earlier what you specifically asked for. It may not be realistic for the school unfortunately.

If there was another school I'd go for it. But the 3 other ASD DC we know who have all be pulled from their schools were at the remaining local schools. I ruled them out when selecting schools as their SEN departments were terrible.

yes! If no mainstream or specialist schools in your area can meet your child’s needs, then your LA has to provide a suitable education for them. It is a ridiculously hard battle to fight but, in my experience, it’s worth it to suddenly see your child (who was ‘failing’ in school for 3++ years) start to thrive and flourish,

It takes a massive commitment on your part to challenge the la at every step, to ensure that the legal documents that they draw up actually reflect your child’s needs. I challenged/re-wrote the EP report and the ehcp. I researched and drew up my own budget proposal based on my child’s needs, I sourced appropriate tutors and provisions and I facilitate his education by driving him to all of his lessons and proviosns (it’s so much more than ‘just’ a school run when your child has tutors at an education centre, home, a farm placement, work experience, art club…and you have to drive them there throughout the day.). I keep track of how the ‘personal budget’ that the council pays me is spent,and ensure it is in line with what the agreement was. I am basically the headteacher, hr manager, finance manager and sendco for my son’s individual school.

Its a ridiculous amount of work, but worth it.

I complained as my DD was unable to go on a school trip due to her autism. I made it by email. They should put a suitable plan in place for DD.

It is very specific on the Ed Psych's report as to who, when and specific resources.

They could accomplish what has been requested it would just take a bit of work. The situations where there are issues are not like you4 example.

I think you're missing the point - the school should admit they can't meet her needs so we can get an EHCP. Not keep insisting they can and trying to implement stupid plans.

As I've already said we are already working with the LA.

Not quite. Section 19 is essentially short-term education provision where attending school is not appropriate, whether that's medical grounds (physical or mental) or behaviour grounds - child has been or is at risk of being excluded. It will usually be the LAs agreed alternative provision provider, which could be home learning (usually self directed ie lessons sent by email), online lessons, a tutor in the home for a limited number of hours and/or small group in person sessions. It will likely be standard education only ie not therapy. It's intended to only be until the child is able to return to school (although given how long EHCPs take these days, that could run to a couple of years especially if you need to appeal). It should apply as soon as child has been out of school for 15 days, and those days don't have to be consecutive. If you're not getting anywhere with SENCO, try the safeguarding lead at the school instead and point out your child is becoming increasingly distressed and is at risk of burnout.

EOTAS is an agreed outcome of the EHCP process where no suitable education establishment (maintained or private) can be found to meet needs in the plan so the parent is instead given a personal budget and told to find suitable provision themselves. It's a hell of a lot of work, not just to argue for, but to manage thereafter.

The reason given on the suspension letter is 'not following instructions' - which obviously she can't do when in meltdown!

And yes, I agree. I wish I'd never tried to be friendly and cooperative and had just started fighting earlier on.

My child was off rolled from year one, it definitely happens. We were given lots of hints that we were doing things wrong or there were issues at home causing his behaviour. My son was asked "What happens at home?". The school were suddenly shocked when they realised I have older 'successful pupils' in the foundation where I was given all the parental accolades. We are at another school now where ASD is treated properly and I don't feel the pressure of accusation's. I could see that we could have been referred to SS as my child was struggling and it was/is a really tough situation. I would go through the process honestly and maybe you'll get better support.

Wtf does being married have to do with anything?

I guess you never had to deal with a child with high support needs which the school wants to off-roll because the extra support they need costs money and they school doesn't want/or cannot afford it? happens sadly far too often. Been there myself. It's easier to throw families under a bus instead of putting proper support in place.

How can you possibly know this?!?! 🙄

OP, FWIW I believe you too. I was reported to SS by school for neglect as DS was very thin - despite his having been very thin for several months, they coincidentally made their report the day after I told his (non-maintained special) school that I was taking him out as they had repeatedly failed to stop him being bullied and beaten up by other students. This is a school with literally more staff than pupils, btw.

He had lost weight partly because of the stress of the bullying and partly because school had failed to provide him with a quiet space to eat, as stipulated by his EHCP, because he refused to eat in the presence of noisy eaters (as unfortunately a lot of the other children were). I'd pick him up at 3.30 and he'd have eaten nothing since breakfast.

It took a ten-minute conversation for the SW to realise the referral was malicious. But she turned out to be an amazing ally and fought to get him into the mainstream school of our choice.

From what you say, your DD's school is dreadful. I have never understood why schools refuse to engage in the EHCP process. But hopefully you too will have the good fortune for this to land on the desk of someone who can see the glaring injustice of what's going on here.

All power to your elbow, OP.

I wish posters would stop spouting utter bullshit they know nothing about. Schools don't do this, schools don't do that. Yes the bloody do. Schools and local authorities try to sidestep their responsibilities all the time.

Home education is certainly not an option for everyone and all the parents I know with kids with any kind of SEN who want to or who have no choice but to stay in state provision have had to fight tooth and nail to get local authorities and schools to provide anything.

Parents are routinely blamed and gaslighted for matters caused often almost entirely by the appalling state of so many schools.

And I say that as someone who loved DDs' primary school so much that I was on the PTA for five years and regularly helped at school. DH was a school governor there for ten years. We are both in professional jobs and did well in school ourselves. We were passionate supporters of state education until four years ago.

DD1 went to grammar school and is off to university. DD2 was utterly failed by secondary school and the local authority. We are very fortunate to be able to afford online school.

once upon a time i would have said schools absolutely don't make inappropriate referrals. 30 years professional experience working in safeguarding.
but i have a child who is struggling in school and doesn't feel safe there. his medical management plan has been a disaster and is being rewritten.
while some staff are trying to help, one is a narcissistic, gas lighting liar. i'm gobsmacked at his behaviour. to the extent that i have refused to have any verbal conversation with him without an adult witness.
i am getting my child in to school everyday but i would not put it past him to make a safeguarding referral because i have challenged his behaviour. he has already spoken to another agency behind my back and exaggerated the situation to the extent that agency has cancelled a much needed appointment as they felt things were too bad based on his hyperbole.
he is colluding with my equally as narcissistic and gaslighting highly abusive ex who is relishing pairing up to bash me as a mother and both are undermining me even though i am the protective parent.
i honestly would never have believed this was possible until i am in the receiving end of it.
i am consenting to support and ed psych for my child but i have turned down Early Help as there isn't anything they can offer that we need.
i must pull up a PP who said schools don't tell you if they make a safeguarding referral. unless discussing it with a parent escalates risk of significant harm to the child or others, Working Together to Safeguard Children is very clear that discussion with a parent is absolutely standard behaviour.
i would recommend documenting absolutely everything @UndertheCedartree and try and find support from autism organisations who may be able to support with an advocate to attend meetings with you and support you because it is draining trying to do it all on your own.