To tell Children's Services it is a malicious referal from school

[UndertheCedartree]

So DD's school have today told me they are referring us to Children's Services. Ever since I made a complaint they have been trying to off roll her. They are not putting in proper support for DD leaving her struggling and then not wanting to go in the next day. Apparently this is all my fault. I feel this is just another tactic for me to be so fed up with the school I pull her out.

This was my thoughts too. And yes, it's just so unfair. The game playing is other level. Yes, I applied for an EHCP but they turned DD down for assessment.

I am trying to work together- it is the school who are not!!

It is awful for my DD having everyone see her in a meltdown/mentally distressed so I'm not going to keep putting her through that. She's already on the verge of EBSA and this would cement it. Would you follow a plan that goes against everything the Ed Psych has said? Against everything the professionals are saying? Really?

You can't just 'try' every other local school - school admissions don't work like that. All the school's are oversubscribed. And you've obviously missed that at these other schools they haven't been able to meet DD's ASD friend's needs. All 3 have been pulled out of school - some more than one school. So what exactly are these 'options'? I looked round all the schools and spoke to them about DD and the reasonable adjustments DD had at Primary that enabled her to thrive. The school nearest to us wouldn't even give reasonable adjustments around uniform for an autistic child!

Again, you've not been following. They say they can meet my DD's needs. And you'd listen to the advice of a Head with no qualifications in SEN or mental health over the Ed Psych, the school nurse, the SEN team at the LA, the mental health specialist for children?

How about the school tries the experts suggestions?

They say they can meet her needs. We have plenty of professionals involved that are better placed to get specialist help than Children's Services. The referal to CS is specifically because DD's issues are nothing to do with her autism, her anxiety or the school. They are down to me, apparently. Teachers aren't experts in autism, no. So wouldn't you think they should listen to the professionals who are, like the Ed Psych? Her diagnosis was about a year and a half ago.

No @UndertheCedartree has stated that the "plan" that she's refusing is that she spends all day in reception with her dd when her dd is distressed. This is not a valid or viable education plan and no parent should accept such nonsense.

Op I know several parent who have had SS set on them by a school trying to cover up their abject failure to provide suitable adjustments and support for ASD children. I've even had it tried on me but the idiot teacher didn't realise that I'd already involved them myself and shall we say that it spectacularly backfired on the school. Work with SS invite them into your home, let them see the state your dd is in after school and then the fallout the next morning, bring the SW to the school meetings and show them the medical evidence and what the school are suggesting and ask for the SW to help get a better outcome. Basically use SS as a tool to put the spotlight exactly where it belongs ie the school, you'll be amazed how quickly the school start putting the required adjustments in place once they're the ones having to explain themselves to people in authority

So I was baffled as to why the SENCo kept telling me they could meet my DD's needs and the Head kept telling me they'd done 'everything' and couldn't. The SEN department at the LA told me they 'couldn't' say they couldn't meet her needs as they'd not put a graduated plan into place. So essentially they can't say they can't meet a DC's needs if they've not tried. It's infuriating!

Sitting in a busy reception having a meltdown in front of everyone with no resources is not 'helping her settle'! How much holiday do you have? Enough to cover the entire school year?

You'd put your DC through something that all experts are saying will destroy their mental health? And you claim your DC's well being comes first? Your definition of wellbeing must be very different to mine then.

You've always followed advice but wouldn't follow the advice of the ED Psych or the child development centre or the school nurse or the SEN team at the LA or the inclusion team or the mental health specialist or the Learning mentor or the LSAs? You'd ignore all their advice and follow the 'advice' of a HT with no qualifications or experience working with autism or mental health?

Exactly.

I've already applied and been turned down so am appealing. Yes, I think that is a positive at least that it will be further evidence to show school can't meet her needs.

A trial? A trial of what? If I'm not to be there in 4 years the school will need to put support in place. So why not put it in place now before my DD tips over into EBSA?

My DD does not abuse, attack or be disruptive. Like most autistic girls she masks.

Stay strong, don’t let them gaslight.
Don’t let them upset you/ don’t show it.

Say as little as possible.
Only answer what they have asked you. Don’t supply extra info.

Bring a friend to meetings, ask for agenda in advance, and what type of meeting, they might just ask you to come in and have like 8 people and then later tell you it was a “child safety” meeting where you thought it was a more routine meeting.

They can make anything, into a bad parent or “worry about mum MH” situation.

Op you state you're working with the LA, they're not your friend here. They're playing you and school off against each other so they can carry on doing nothing. They do this A LOT. Don't trust anything they say.

For example:

The ehcna assessment, the LA know school aren't putting support in place, they agree the schools plan isn't suitable, you hav3 it in writing school can't meet her needs?. The legal test for an ehcna is that a child MAY have Sen and MAY require an EHCP. Your child's situation clearly meets this criteria, they don't need school to 'do their bit' to decide to assess, they have the evidence your child meets the legal test but they've said no and are forcing you to appeal.

section 19 education is the LAs statutory duty, it cannot delegated to schools but the la will say the school have to arrange it, fobbing you back to school when school could provide it yes, but they're not are they and it's the LAs duty to ensure suitable full time education is in place once it's clear a child will miss 15 days (those 15 days don't have to be consecutive or entirely out of school, a situation like yours would count). I've had two upheld Ombunds decisions re this crap off my LA. So watch out for this one when you ask for it!

That should say ombudsman!

Ombudsman decisions re send are an eye opener I tell you.

Maybe the school are trying to first of all break the habit of daughter ringing her mum in a state of distress and mum dropping everything and whisking her home. I think they are probably trying to establish the idea first and foremost that going home isn't an option, before gradually trying to embed time in the classroom. The problem is, when a parent just keeps insisting on taking a child home because they are distressed amd its what they want, school don't get any chance to implement other strategies, first and foremost they are trying to find a way to keep her on the school site!

If a situation has escalated to this point ops dd is in where she's highly distressed and self harming school are too late with their strategies.

(Some) Schools don't listen to parents, then when crisis point hits (because they didn't listen and didn't put the right support in at the right time), blame the parents

⬆️ !

I work in a school & would be amazed if this is the case - it will be VERY closely scrutinised & is not a decision taken lightly by any school. There must be a lot more to this story.

Also op you can take a school to SENDIST for disability discrimination. it doesn't have to cost you anything if you're prepared to do all the work.

She wants to be able to go to school and access her education like any other child. But she is so scared and gets so overwhelmed. She's getting to a point that she just can't face it anymore.

The meltdowns have stayed pretty static. They involve her shutting down, silently crying, shaking, head on desk or slumped with hair over her face. With me (and sometimes learning mentor) where she feels safe she will pull her hair out or punch herself in the face.

She has one close friend at school but they moved her class so she wasn't with her anymore. She has other friends as she is generally well liked but she struggles in a group of people.

So, at the end of last year (as suggested by the Ed Psych) the school put in place that myself and her Learning mentor would exchange an email everyday as to what had happened at home/school so we could find patterns. It is one of the positives that has been happening. At the meeting the Head accused me of sending too many emails and one criticism being that I email the learning mentor every day and expect an email from her! Apparently it is unreasonable of me to expect something to happen which the school put into place! It's so bizarre. It's like she sees something that is working and just wants to destroy it. The last meeting we had she removed a reasonable adjustment that was really helping DD. It's so shocking you end up questioning yourself - is this really happening? I feel like I'm going mad.

Firstly DD needs a transition back into school so she can feel safe and be able to deal with the demands of lessons. Then some support with self regulation. Positive talk in front of her, positive relationships so she feels safe. Social stories for some situations. Being able to leave class and go somewhere calming when overwhelmed and the same at lunch. Information provided so I can prepare DD for her day/make her visual timetable accurate. Consistency. Following through on agreements.

But it is a one-sided situation. Parents can do what they like with their child at home, including allowing outrageous behaviour, and schools have no say in the matter. The same is not true the other way round - parents complain at the drop of a hat if they don’t like what the school does.

Parents only have their own little darlings to worry about at home. Schools have to be concerned about how the behaviour of said little darling is affecting the education of the other 29 children in the class.

In any case, management of behaviour problems is always far better if parents and school work together and parents are involved in the school's approach.

Ask on any send parent group/forum and you'll find people who've been reported to ss once they've started to dare complain about a schools attitude towards their send child. That's when the attempts to off roll start too. It's not rare I can assure you,

Parents only have their own little darlings to worry about at home. Schools have to be concerned about how the behaviour of said little darling is affecting the education of the other 29 children in the class.

Why do people assume a sen child's behaviour always affects the rest of the class? It's so ignorant.

Really sorry you’re going through this. I believe you. But I advise you to not say this to anyone in real life so it doesn’t come across like you’re hiding something or in denial.

Hold your head high and go through the process. You have your evidence. Fingers crossed this will end up getting your family more understanding and support.

(School management is made up of people with no management training. They only know to treat people like they’ve been naughty or good, like the children. Teachers have said this themselves on here plenty of times.)

She was diagnosed a year and a half ago and was diagnosed by an Ed Psych, OT and paediatrician at the child development centre.

And you'd be quite happy to follow a plan you knew would damage your ASD DS?

Yes, I can't literally do the whole thing myself.

Parents only have their own little darlings to worry about at home. Schools have to be concerned about how the behaviour of said little darling is affecting the education of the other 29 children in the class.

why do you assume that all Sen children are disruptive. It's absolutely not the case and so bloody ignorant. Aren't you ashamed of posting such nonsense?

It's not that type of referal. School are not supporting an EHCP. I tried to raise alternative provision at the meeting but no-one could get a word in with the Head non-stop yapping.