If a man can't afford to keep me

[sunshinesparklestar]

I'm not sure how well this post will go down but AIBU to find it unattractive if a man can't financially support his wife and family? I mean to the point where the wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to.

I am a SAHM to my child who is now in school. I have been a SAHM since my maternity leave ended and I have no plans on going back to work. My DH runs a business and earns enough to comfortably support us all. I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life.

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive? There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school.

I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.

"Spatchcock"!!

No op. We dress our kids in too small clothes and just have rammed drawers.😂

yes, everyone does, it’s a quick job. It’s like saying do you not cut the grass. Hardly worth mentioning. And honestly how bored would you need to be to think this is such a big thing it’d worth mentioning.

Your so so so so so lucky OP.
Your life must be 👏 amazing.
How did you bag him?
I dream about this life.
Find it so so attractive that A man can fulfill my financially needs whilst I wiggle my arse for him and brag to other Hardworking multi tasking women on MN what an adorable 1950s life I have.

Which tabloid/site?

Dartwarbler: I was joking. It was satire.

Not only can I do satire, but I can also remember the 60's and 70's.

On second thought, you may not have to worry about every career woman finding your husband attractive. I worked with a few of these dads and they were fucking insufferable. I remember one would complain that dinner wasn't ready on time or how it was so hard to relax after his day at work because the kids would bug him when he got home. Another colleague's wife packed his suitcase for work trips and one time he was all freaked out because there was an athletic team building event and he didn't have the proper clothing. He actually acted like we should feel sorry for him for having a wife who didn't read his fucking memo. Meanwhile, as a colleague to these men, I was running home to pick up and then care for my own kids, cook their meals and talk to them about their day, check homework, bathe, etc., what I called it my second shift. Miraculously, I was as good at my job as these men were despite doing childcare all evening. DH has always worked night shift, so he would do morning drop-offs, so I was much luckier than single moms who did both. The single moms also miraculously did as well as these 'hardworking' men at their jobs, but didn't have the work opportunities, like travel or schmoozing with the boss after hours, which are essential to winning promotions.

I have a feeling the OP missed the fact this is a comedy.

Except you quite clearly do, and it would be a wise investment of your parents’ or your husband’s money to access some help to find out why.

Then again, if I had a treatable neurodevelopmental disorder so debilitating that I couldn’t hold down paid employment and the means to access private care then I would, personally, have sought treatment for that. That’s just me 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Good luck to you.

OP, I would add that my mother never worked - for the same sort of reasons you state about wanting to be there for her DC - but when we all grew up and left home she was left with no sense of purpose and nothing to do. She also has a tendency to very much live through her children, which for the children can be quite oppressive to be honest. I wish she'd worked and had other avenues for her energies.

At the end of the day my child is looked after by myself, I don't need to ship them off on other family, carers, after school clubs etc. They will always know that mum was there emotionally

Nah, no need for this bullshit OP.

My child knows I'm there for her emotionally despite me needing to work and using childcare.

Fuck that guilt tripping, working mother bashing nonsense.

And fuck me the seasonal wardrobe comment 🤣🤣🤣

My child is funnily enough always dressed appropriately for the season, despite my 60k a year job (which incidentally I am proud to have worked so fucking hard for and I'm pleased I can set that work ethic example for my DD).
Amazing how I found the very small amount of time required to see to her wardrobe as a working mother, whilst simultaneously finding the time to meet her emotional needs. Imagine that!

Some of really are fucking superwoman I guess 🤷‍♀️

I think the OP is quite young. She mentions getting together in teens and being together 11 years. This could mean anything from her being 24 upwards.

Yes there’s been a pile on as to how she wrote her initial posts, but perhaps youth plays a part in this together with naivety.

I do think this endless ADHD tag needs to stop that all and sundry like to self diagnose to put forward as valid reasons as to why it’s impossible to work ever in life. As we can see from this thread many are able to work with relevant support. I feel that today many throw this out as a byline without even knowing what the circumstances are.

Haven’t read the whole thread because I read the OP and could see it was an obvious attempt at a windup on a Friday night.

That said I did think about it and realised how icky I’d feel if a man encouraged me to leave my job to ‘provide’ for me. It almost sounds creepy and controlling.

I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.*

I wouldn't bother feeling sorry for a woman who's self sufficient and can support herself, AND raises her kids. That's something to be applauded. I fucking admire those women.

He also finds a woman attractive who can run the home.

Because one who works can't? 🤣

No, I don't keep clothes in drawers, everything for every season is just hanging ready in the wardrobe and gets chucked out when it no longer fits.

Is this what we call a fanny lodger?

I’d find a person of either sex disinclined to support themselves pretty unattractive.

Thank you for telling me I'm incredibly naive. Actually I'm the opposite - as many people (especially many men) will unhappily tell you! I don't for a moment intend to live off someone else (I will always have my own earnings & savings) but if a man is prepared to "look after me" I'll let him. Whatever he thinks he will not be in charge though.

It’s completely subjective. If you find the idea of a man who can provide for his family attractive, you do you.

Whether it’s unreasonable to expect that a man should be the sole provider, is a different question.

Got to be the same. I reckon he's a Nigerian dating scammer who is doing some training on what he thinks women want to hear

If a man was wanting the wife to support him, you be calling him cocklodger, really is double standard, no wonder so many marriages break down.

The OP is quite possibly being intentionally provocative in the initial post and I agree it's in very poor taste to say she feels sorry for women who work (those who don't want to) because most have no choice.

But ffs. This thread is vile. If this is indeed a man posting to reveal how bitchy, petty and insecure working women are in the U.K. in 2024 - this thread has proved that... and then some.

800 posts calling SAHMs all the usual - even prostitutes!

Despite a few funny moments, this thread is MN at a new low and an exposition of women at their very worst.