If a man can't afford to keep me

[sunshinesparklestar]

I'm not sure how well this post will go down but AIBU to find it unattractive if a man can't financially support his wife and family? I mean to the point where the wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to.

I am a SAHM to my child who is now in school. I have been a SAHM since my maternity leave ended and I have no plans on going back to work. My DH runs a business and earns enough to comfortably support us all. I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life.

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive? There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school.

I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.

It seriously scares me that women like you exist.

Yes we do but it's usually not something we talk about as work. It's 2-3 times a year. Not a huge accomplishment.

Not really. It certainly doesn’t take up a whole day.

Also, your DH could not support you when you met. Were you going to dump him if his business didn't take off?

How old are you OP?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤷🏼‍♀️🤣🤣
You do know women have ALWAYS worked.

just for shit low paid work.

except, briefly in history in the uk around 1350s, when the Black Death killed of huge working male population, and women’s labour became needed and of equal pay (well according to scholars …)

it’s not innate - married women were not allowed to own property or even custody of her own children until 1870 . It all belonged to their husbands.

it wasn’t till 1975 a married women could have a bank account. 1975. Let thst sink in.

nope, it wasn’t about them feeling all masculine - it was about controlling women and ensuring they were limited in their opportunities to leave the labour market open to men.

you are confusing “patriarchy “ for “ providing”

I have more then one child and yes I get out the winter clothing and so on.. it takes about an hour tops twice a year.
Hardly something that needs a lot of planning .
I think mum guilt is somthing that's already fuelled enough online without posts like this implying that mums who are not home for school pic ups are in someway damaging their children .

Why is this so difficult and time consuming that it would replace a job?

Depends I guess on what you mean by 'kept'. We could easily afford to have a sahp if we made different life choices, but we didn't, so we don't.

I’m not running myself into the ground. Working, housework and raising children if you have them is just being an adult.

Do you think he knows that your attraction to him is completely conditional on him working?

What does he feel about that if he does? What would you do if he became sick and couldn’t work?

Ooo what a post!

I agree it’s attractive if a man can afford to pay for his partner and kids …. However , in the economy the UK is in today - no way! It’s not the man’s fault- it’s how society and capitalism is. Most couples have no choice but for both to work as one income isn’t enough anymore. It’s not anyone’s fault , it’s how the world is set up.

I think your post is either a joke or really embarrassingly boasting. I say this as a wife / mum who also doesn’t work and my husband can afford everything we need etc but I don’t have your back on this- I think your post is very misguided and smug. 😏

"None of these awful comments are getting to me, I have a large loving family, a happy marriage and I am genuinely happy with my life."

And yet here you are trying to justify it to a bunch of strangers who don't know or care about your life.

Lots of interesting "goady" threads over the last couple of days...wonder where they've all come from....🤔

TBH you just sound lazy…

Finally! You have at last admitted that you're just lazy!

If we all just sat and enjoyed our coffee in peace the world would grind to a halt! So thankfully not everyone is lazy!

@MotherofPearl I also organise my children’s wardrobe, I also have made some of their clothes and pillows etc for their rooms , I always cook from scratch and we read stories every night and we spend time with each doing homework. I also work. What it takes is huge organisation in fact , actually I had traits prior to dcs and working of becoming easily distracted and unfocused, work and managing a family has given me a focus and push , I have to be organised and this actually spills into my work. Making home cooked meals is really important to us I batch cook on Sundays. I find work mentally stimulating and weirdly it motivates me in other areas of my life.
The thing is @sunshinesparklestar many mothers are doing what you are doing but also working.

I take it this was some years ago? I can't imagine most men would find a stance like that at the dating stage remotely attractive nowadays.

Let's just suppose you're a genuine poster for a minute...

Don't feel sorry for me because my husband and I both earn 6 figure sums (in fact I earn twice his salary) and so we have a great standard of living. I do a job that means something, my kids are proud, I contribute and pay my taxes....so life is good.

On the other hand, I'm not sure you bring much to the party in my view.

Okay maybe my thread should have just said.... "AIBU to find a man who can support me financially attractive"

I'm coming off this thread now anyway, I don't need to prove myself to anyone,

Cue the OP asking for it to be deleted. 🙄

That's surprising. Normally someone in their late 20s establishing a business would be working all the hours God sends?

However, @sunshinesparklestar, what attracted you to your DH back when your family were bankrolling both of you? How did you know he was going to have money eventually?

This is known as "the flounce". 😂

Anyway, why would the spouse on £30k have to pay for the entirety of the childcare? Surely the husband would pay half as childcare would also have been enabling him to work too?

I also quite like to have my coffee in peace at 11 a.m. on a Tuesday. And I work full time while I'm at it. Amazing, isn't it? I have a career with flexible hours and a great deal of freedom. And I receive a good salary as well. Wouldn't you prefer to use your brain and accomplish something worthwhile, rather than frittering your time away with invented tasks such as seasonally sorting your child's wardrobe? Do you really want to look back on your life and think, "Well, I put away little Billy's winter coat every year, that was such a good use of my time"?