If a man can't afford to keep me

[sunshinesparklestar]

I'm not sure how well this post will go down but AIBU to find it unattractive if a man can't financially support his wife and family? I mean to the point where the wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to.

I am a SAHM to my child who is now in school. I have been a SAHM since my maternity leave ended and I have no plans on going back to work. My DH runs a business and earns enough to comfortably support us all. I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life.

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive? There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school.

I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.

It depends on your expectations. I don’t know how wealthy your DH is but if you wanted a nice house in London, kids in private school, second home etc - one salary, even if generous, might not be sufficient.

I think most men would find you unattractive, you sound very money hungry, which prob means you got an dull personality, more fool your husband.

@Bangwam1

Some people hold no respect for a woman who enjoys looking after her own children, ironic as it’s not very feminist of them.

The OP started this fight. Not working parents. And you don’t know what feminism means.

We should just introduce polygamy if only men who can bankroll women financially are considered attractive.. someone mentioned islam says that men should provide for their wives, islam also allows polygamy.

That would save all the women fighting over the top 20% of men (probably much smaller percentage in places like London). It would be way easier for me to be the second or third wife of a multimillionaire than try to find a 25 year old who can inherit london property, susrain a london mortgage and kids and pay for ivf (if nhs doesn't work out) on post tax income..

In fact if all women think like OP, just legalise polygamy and get on with it, if not dating is going to be like the hunger games..inequality means the upper middle classes shrink over time so the number of eligible young men is going to shrink.

I would find it unattractive if a man had no impetus to work hard and reach a place of financial stability so that he could support his family. But I wouldn't go quite as far as saying it's unattractive if a man can't comfortably support his whole family on his income alone. You actually have to be an especially ambitious sort of person to reach that level in a career, and most men are just average.

OP does being on MN not make you think differently?

The site is full of women who never thought their DH would cheat and he ups and leaves to move across to the other side of the world or goes out every night with his female ‘friend’.

My DD is only 16 but I’ve drilled it into her how important it is to never rely on anyone. She needs to get an education and a career and so she can stay with a man because she WANTS to, not because she HAS to.

Its ok choosing to be a SAHM because you want to be at home with your kids or whatever but only being in a relationship where this is an option and being with a man who would prefer his woman to be a SAHM/housewife is very different.

I wouldn’t judge someone wanting to be a SAHP but I would advise that they don’t spend too long doing it and/or do things like study at home so they are at least in a better position if they do need to get a job.

Will you teach your daughters to have their own career or find a man who can support them so they don’t have to work?

FFS, please drop the snarky comments about people having no respect for women who enjoy looking after their own children. I bloody loved looking after my dc, I just happened to love my job as well. And my dc and I were perfectly well bonded, thanks. 🙄

There is no issue with women enjoying looking after their children. There is no issue with them being SAHPs if they can afford it and their partners/spouses are happy with that arrangement. People are laying into the OP because of her weird sexist stereotypes and her opening post in which she declared how sorry she was for women who work full time. Her pity is neither needed nor welcomed.

So what you are saying is - only the wealthy should be allowed to breed. Scary stuff.

You don't have to go into the office every single day to have an affair, no? When there is a will, there is a way.

The tide has turned and there is now a push for more days working in the office. Amazon has just ended its hybrid working policy. It is often the bosses themselves that want their juniors to go into the office for better collaboration and productivity.

Feminism doesn’t mean validating every single thing a woman does just because she’s a woman. Some things are not good for women as a class and feminism is about improving things for women as a class.
So, someone encouraging women to be tradwives and economically inactive - not good and entirely right to criticise even if a woman claims to have freely chosen it.
Ditto making money on Only Fans.
Or having loads of plastic surgery to fit some ideal stereotype.

the child's wardrobe is sorted seasonally

🤣🤣🤣

Understood on that point.

I just find women attacking women for enjoying the SAHM lifestyle classless.

I am a female bread winner and I totally agree with you. In normal families men provide. When I married, my husband provided. Then life happened and here I am. But I can't agree more! If people disagree with you, they disagree with biology and we all know how it ends!

Funny isn’t it, she probably feels sorry for you.

Don’t applaud yourself too loudly, life always seems to change in the 40s or 50s and the higher you are, the further you will fall.

At the end of the day my child is looked after by myself, I don't need to ship them off on other family, carers, after school clubs etc. They will always know that mum was there emotionally and physically and dad was able to be the best provider to give them the best opportunities and also be present in their life.

Your use of the phrase "shipped off" is extremely patronising, as is your assumption that a parent can't be there for their children because they work.

I’ve found one of the benefits of having my own career is developing a perspective out of my own myopic experience. I guess you’ve missed out on that. I feel sorry for you.

Why do you think you have a monopoly on knowing what is and isn't good for women? That's quite an extreme view you have there... I think most wouldn't subscribe to this version of feminism.

Feminism is about allowing women the freedom to choose but educating them on the pros/cons of said decision.

What I’m seeing on here isn’t that. It’s bullying, spite and judgement.

Speaking as a husband who willingly gave up his vocational but poorly paid career so that his highly qualified wife was able to pursue hers, I think the entitlement of this post stinks.

Absolute fantastic comment. I couldn't back this more. Ridiculous post by the OP.

Why on earth would any woman want to be financially dependent on a man?!?!

How does it end?

I am confused - how does it end? It ended with you being a female breadwinner. That must suck.

On the day ISG (Tier 1 £3billion Main Contractor) went in to liquidation and 3000 staff are out of work. 3000 largely very well paid staff too.

Tone deaf!

Is this an example of humble bragging?
Just checking.