Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

Because fostering is about the needs of a child. Seeking to create a donor egg child at the age of almost 50 just to meet a desire to be pregnant again is about the wants of the adults.

I’m in peri menopause with a 2.5 year old. Wouldn’t change having her for the world but heck I feel old some days (44 but feel 100!). My peri came on earlier after having an ovary removed. I was 41 when I had DD. I wouldn’t want to do it at 47 for many reasons, but I was lucky to have DD, who’s my second DC. I waited a long time for her and had three miscarriages between DC1 and her, so I can completely understand the longing.

I wouldn't, most people i know need care by the time they are 70. the child will have only just reached 20 and should be out enjoying life not worrying about there 70 year old parent

My pregnancy was natural. Late pregnancies are a lot more common than people realise.

Just to clarify what I said earlier- having had my own son at 43 I am very envious of those who had their children younger and have more chance of seeing that child grow well into adulthood. I am, however, very at peace with the idea of him being an only child. So to me what you already have is a wonderful thing.

I accidentally got pregnant at 44 OH 50. Was a breeze. However at 65 started having trouble walking. Covid lockdowns so went private diagnosis scoliosis, born with had finally caught up with me. Now 68 using a stick in lots of pain so drugged up.

Did a third baby do for me who knows. But menopause didn't start until I was 56.

DC was through university and fledged before my body gave up.

There are going to be positive and negative experiences of birth, parenthood, menopause at any age. There are also loads of different considerations for every parent of every age group. One size/approach/route doesn’t fit all.

That’s as it should be.

Not a chance, knowing what 47 feels like for me.

They certainly were pre the pill.

I wouldn’t.

I’m 45. I could no more cope with a night waking baby, an active toddler than fly.

I am in peri though, and my children are now 16 and 10.

Celebrities do this, yes, but they have the money for ALOT of help. They can hire night nannies so that they don’t have to do a single waking night unless they want to. They can have a separate day nanny so that even if they think they are looking after the baby themselves, there’s always some one on hand if they “need a break”.

They can hire a chef to make their food.

They can surround themselves with people encouraging them to take a break and look after themselves.

I am due to get my state pension in 6 weeks.
I will still continue to work because DD is applying for a post grad degree and is only entitled to a student loan to cover the fees. She won't get a maintenance loan. It is a very full on and full time course with placements which isn't compatible with working.

no the chances of disability are so much higher. I had a baby with significant disability’s in my teens. I have cared for my child their entire life, i will care for my child till their dying day most probably as their illness significantly shortens life’s and will probably be around your age at that time. I’m very fit and still quite young however if I was in my 60,70,80s I wouldn’t be able to give this level of care no matter how fit for my age going for a hike once a week is very different to giving full care 24/7. It would also impact the things you can be available for with your already existing child i absolutely would not risk been in my position especially at your age. (My child’s illness isn’t something traceable before birth as many disabilities are not)

I wouldn’t dream of getting pregnant at 37 let alone 47.

Obviously though if you haven’t already spent your 30s and 40s juggling work and children you’re going to be a lot less broken and more able to have a child at 47 than those of us who have been through it all.

Are you insane? Everyone should be giving this serious thought before having a child that isn't biologically theirs. Certainly if you adopt you have to do extensive training on this exact subject

I know someone who had a baby at 50 alone using a foreign clinic. Child is about to become a teenager and she’s in her 60s. Frankly it’s all odd. She does look like his grandmother had she also has an older outlook in life and her attitudes are so far removed from his generation.
He started school late so she will be into her 70s by the time he graduates.
she was single when she had him but is now in a relationship with someone every older than her, nearly 10 years.
on top of that she has major health issues. I don’t know what the future holds for that child.

No. Adopt or foster if you are that desperate.

am coming in arse over tit cos the shit bit = attempt to poo poo..life expectancy /agey arguements with child will have big brother...THts not good enough for said big brother.Potentially life changing situation for BOTH kids has to come higher up priorities.
I wont pretend so im asking -what? if ?any? are risks other than it medical\surgicl not happening? i genuinely do not know is the fact its NOT your eggs gonna increse\decrese\eliminte standrd concerns??is it stored husband sperm?or tody?does that alter risks?
are you emotionally,financially,home dynamiclly /lifestyle adaptble +secure to ensure WHATEVER the baby outcome is you can all cope?are you sure?
my kids are 14 yrs between them,tho i ws 37 with ds2.
its a beautiful thing, they are closer than most.at 47 (had it happened)id prob have had another....
at 51 i think- wow! my utter lack of foresight is scandalous. (they dont tell you but 48,49,50 is like three rapid blows.i ache(weird) i am...facetious(thats always been my thing) its maybe do-able.that doesnt make it "right"
if its truly a yearning that your mother calling,instinct is...unfulfilled....would you consider lifelong sponsor/provide for a child.av no factual evidence as to wht service is best-but knowing and seeing the nurturing,otherwise denied,or compromised or neglected CHANCE of a already here,wrong place n time child must be rewarding?
youve only really told a snapshot of YOUR wants\needs....as a mother,you oughta know whilst vital-you put your child(ren) first everytime.?
lifes not a fairytale. count your blessings.
i wouldnt judge you right wrong or otherwise.
another baby,well yes thankyou-ive got this(personally 12+mths is my favourite times) you have to recognise ,they dont stay wee.
also-at time i unintentional lnded preg ds 2 both my sisters was go through cant concieve,or do but miscarry.ivf /intervention etc was essential. i truley was at stage their hearts breaking ,was horrific i was gony offer carry one each.(and would have )there are a million circumstances and i bet youve played through most em..
whats your dh thoughts on all?

At 44 with two much older kids 18 and 20 when I got accidentally pregnant I did have a private amniocentesis which checked for everything.

My mother was 47 when she had me, completely natural (and unplanned! I was the last of 7).

I am perfectly happy and content with my upbringing but OP I really wouldn’t recommend this approach as a conscious choice (I’m sorry, I know that’s not what you want to hear). The strain on your body, the risks, the fact your child will have to grow up with a much older parent, the generational gap - all of that can make it harder for you and the child growing up. I agree with others that fostering might be a good option to explore.

Like another pp said who had a baby at the same age - only you can know. Any answers to the question ‘Would you’ have another child? are not relevant to the question ‘should I have another child’. I have no children and went through some years of real pain about that but that’s gone now - I couldn’t carry on feeling like that and not try I don’t think.

It's ridiculously selfish. You are not thinking of the child at all. 57 with a ten year old, never mind the issues they could have physically and mentally!!

I personally wouldn't, I might consider adopting an older child. I think there would be a lot of ethic to consider

Because if you discover along the way it’s not right for you you can give the child back, when the time comes. Fostering can be both short and long term.

OP could try short term fostering.

No.

My mum had my sister in her 40’s and having a baby around whilst trying to do GCSE’s, babysitting, picking up some of the parenting tasks because menopause kicked in etc was really not fair on the rest of us.

caring for a younger sibling, then an older parent in succession is not fair on the older child.

Having children she never got to meet is also heartbreaking.

All because my father wanted to try for another child.