Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

The pluses of doing it after the kids are grown us that you appreciate the freedom more rather than just take it for granted. Had I not had DS I'd have been 41 when my 2 eldest were 18. Having him put me back 10 years lol

Horrendous.

She's not going to be 47 anyway is she? Identifying a donor service, setting up contracts, going through the IVF process and successfully achieving pregnancy will take a minimum of 6 months and could take years. So she's likely to be 48/49/50 by the time the baby arrives.

Definitely no. Early 30’s and still find it so hard with a toddler, they make my pulse and blood pressure stay high!!!

also as PP said, increased risk of disabilities…

No

I’m pregnant now with my first at 36 so fairly late to the game, and I’ve always said 40 is the absolute cut off for me for any future siblings. Beyond that I just think it’s too old.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with doing what you are proposing. After all with a donor egg, it’s not like you are attempting to use 47 year old eggs so in theory the child should be fine. What would scare me would be being in my 50s with a 3 year old! What happens if you or your husband’s health takes a turn at any point? What is your support network like? Presumably your parents are in their 70s and your siblings are done with the whole young kids thing? So many variables.

That must have been her body’s last chance saloon choice.

I know 2 women in their mid 40s who I assume got pregnant naturally then as soon as they went on to have DD’s but no idea what the children are like, if they have additional needs etc. One of the mums had been adopted so really wanted the 2.5 though she hasn’t been able to have another child but she got marriage plus the child.

Thanks, just as I thought. So really the "don't listen to everyone on this thread" part was exaggerated as really its the same advice you'd have given too.

No, I wouldn't. That's not to say that you shouldn't, you might have bags of energy and patience. I know older parents who are doing a good job. However, a few reasons why I wouldn't:

• You're likely to die when they are in their 20s or early 30s. If they get married, their kids friends' have grandparents to support them, or they are launching their careers, you won't be there to support them
• You'll constantly be mistaken for the grandparent at gatherings
• You'll find it even harder to keep up with the ever changing technology that kids are accessing now
• If you have aging parents/relatives you're going to be caring for both at once
• It's going to be hard to maintain the energy needed for parenting a young child, sleepless nights etc.

Those things might not bother you or be applicable.

You already had one child, so it's not the yearning of someone who hasn't managed children at all. What would an additional child give you that the first one didn't? You would be disrupting their life for a potential baby that wouldn't be growing up together. What if you have another baby amd still don't feel done?

and what if you have another and feel incomplete or it doesn't take and you feel incomplete?

Your existing child doesn't make you feel complete or isn't enough?

Its really not a way to look at creating life and sounds like it needs interrogating further

I take issue with donor eggs.

I don't think its right for the child in the long run.

If you're going to use donor eggs, why not go for adoption instead?

I hear adoption is a long and stressful process and it's possible you may be considered 'too old' to adopt a baby. But surely it has to be easier than the rollercoaster of donor eggs and pregnancy at 47?

By the way, 47 is very different to 50/51/57. Don't underestimate the exhaustion, brain fog, sleep disruption, hot flashes, weight gain, joint pain, anxiety, sense of detachment and a whole host of other physical / emotional issues that are highly likely come with menopause. Listen to women in their early 50s - they are not making it up. It's difficult enough without a toddler in the mix.

It’s desperately sad that your son’s entire life has been with a mother who feels he is not enough and who has been consumed with the desire to have another child. Even if you’ve tried your best to hide it from him, he’ll have picked up the emotional issues you’ve been having. If you were to have another child now then his life would be massively disrupted, what teen boy wants to have a baby in his home and life? It will take a LONG time for them to become siblings who can relate to each other, if ever. All that will happen is your poor DS is likely to have to become a father figure to a younger sibling when that younger sibling has to cope with his parents being old or infirm.

I say this as someone who had a child aged 43. He is our one and only and I felt that I was too old to have another. I already worry that he is likely to be quite young when we die or need care.

you are thinking about you and not what would be right for a child.

This.
It’s not fair to put a potential child at risk of serious disabilities.
Older fathers too are now thought to contribute to certain disabilities in children.
Even with a young donor egg and sperm dealing with at teen at 60 won’t be easy.

Why is fostering a child any easier, though. You still have to do all the same things

yes but fosters can be short term

Completely not. 67/68 by the time they are 20.

how old is your current child? Bringing a baby into a house with a teen getting ready to say do GCSEs would be a terrible idea as well they need peace to study and help not a tired sleep deprived mother/father and screaming baby.

Sometimes you just have to accept it wasn’t meant to be. If you can suddenly do donor eggs (that has its own issues morally) why did you leave it till 47.

Those many celebs also have an army of help, nannies, night Nannie’s, cleaners, cooks, personal trainers etc

No, my second pregnancy just a couple of years later is hard enough at 35.

When I first got pregnant, I was suddenly very paranoid about lumps and ailments, terrified of terminal illness now I had a child on the way. So I can’t imagine starting motherhood with another child at nearly fifty as I’d worry they may not have me around for as long as I hope. I know terminal illness can strike at any age and people are living longer and fifty year olds might outlive me by a long time but I’m just being honest about what would go through my mind.

My friend at 44 had a baby with donor eggs.
The pregnancy was horrific, she spent months in hospital.
The now toddler exhausts her, every time i see them she says how tired she is and asks how the rest of our friendship group did it…well we, and partners were mostly 15 years younger, not mid/starting menopause. The grandparents were also 15 years younger and fit enough for helping. We don’t say that of course, but I’m not sure she’d go down that route again. It’s not the same as a celeb who’s got every help available.

The most energetic mum at our playgroup was prob late 40s. All the toddlers would flock to her. She did lots of cycling and looked after herself. There was plenty of mums in their 20s, very overweight and unhealthy looking, who found it a struggle to keep up with their toddlers. So I think that is quite individual in terms of how well people cope.
I'm more patient now than I was in my early 30s. Bit older and wiser!
I think only you can decide, which isn't helpful! Just go in with your eyes open.

Yes, if the desire was that intense. The only peri menopause symptom I experienced was irregular bleeding. In the past, nothing was thought of this. My great-grandmother had her last baby at 45.

No, OP.
Simply because when kid is 20, I would be 67, if everything goes well.
No life just for myself at all.
But I don't have kids by choice, so might be slightly biased 😁

I had my 3rd dc at 42 and I'm 45 now, I don't feel particularly tired and no sign of peri. So being an older mum wouldn't be an issue for me, though 47 is very different to 42. But I will have a teen in my 60s. However I didn't use any fertility treatment and for me, using donor eggs or sperm would never be a choice I'd make. Being my dc's genetic parent is important to me and if using donors was the only way to have a dc then I would have opted not to have any (or any more). I wouldn't have used IVF in my 40s as we looked at the stats and it seemed so unlikely to work (with own eggs/sperm) that it looked like a waste of money. The stats are better with young donor eggs though.

For me having a baby at 42 was a bit later than I would have wanted (but unfortunately nature decided for us) and I don't want an accidental pregnancy any older than that, so I have the coil and DH has had the snip.