Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

I also had a natural pregnancy at 43 and I have a colleague who became a first time mum at 47

@SerenityNowInsanityLater
I got a puppy instead lol. It never passed... it's still there and no amount of puppies are filling it for me !

Maybe try fostering? Thats a very rewarding thing to do. Might fill that emptiness, there's no grantee having another child will fill that spot.

Absolutely fucking not. I have far less energy now at 49 than I did a decade or two ago. I cannot imagine having a teenager in my 60s.

No, absolutely not. Sometimes just because you want something, and medical science allows you to potentially do it, does not mean you should. Increased likelihood of disabilities or other long term conditions? A young child while dealing with menopause? A teenager while in your 60s? Utterly selfish and unfair on the child.

I’m sorry but someone doing IVF or adoption should be very much be thinking through both the pluses and negatives, if you go through the adoption process this is very much what you are asked to do, it’s not all roses and fairies ….someone having a child naturally should be thinking about pluses and negatives, it’s an important decision and if more people were thoughtful about having children there’d be a lot less problems in society!!!

No. It would be very, very selfish IMO.

Came here to make the point about disability risk being overstated but @Newnamesameoldlurker beat me to it. An egg donor would likely be in their 20s. There is some risk from the father being older, but it’s much less than the risk associated with an older mother. OP no one here can make this decision for you, the only thing you can guarantee from a post on MN is that sympathy will be in short supply.

no. especially if having one already, its beyond self indulgent and irresponsible.

Let alone unfair to the other child, what if your health takes a turn?
you're much more likely to be reliant on older child for support in looking after younger siblings.

You don't get everything you want in life and thats ok.

I certainly wouldn’t purposely go out my way to have one. I have my Grandbabies my nephews and dog to keep me busy enough.🤣but if I fell pregnant I’d go through with the pregnancy. However it’d have to be the immaculate conception at the moment. 🤣.
I would have had a baby at 41 but the pregnancy never worked out so it’s not that much younger is it.
I suppose you have to consider a lot. How is your general health.? Do you want to be going through the teenage years in your early 60s.

Hard question. It’s impossible to be able to answer objectively as I have 3 dc and had them when I was quite young.
In my head the idea of having another baby in 8 years time is horrifying.
BUT would I still feel the same way if my journey to motherhood had been different? Possibly not.

No. This is selfish- you’ve said yourself you would be having a baby to full your own feeling of emptiness. You will not have the energy to be a good mum, in their 30s you will be in your 80s, you’ll likely never meet your own grandchildren, your child has a massively high chance of having SEN - making it even worse that you’ll die when they are still relatively young.

Stop clinging on to the advice of the tiny amount of posters telling you to go for it and start listening to those who are telling you it’s madness.

or you and your husband would be at a point where care needs or ill health might kick in.

Have you considered fostering, or volunteering with Home Start?

I know someone who had twins at that age. The baby stage was hardwork. They needed help with the day to day as they were exhausted. I think early forties is doable. But maybe best to be grateful for what you have. At mid forties I’m tired more easily than 10 years ago. Dealing with teens in years to come doesn’t fill me with joy tbh.

You'd be 68 at least when they're 20. That's old. I also certainly wouldn't have one sibling being biologically fully your and your dp's child and another who will never know their biological mother. It's total madness, do not detonate this bomb in your family. Count your blessings and enjoy having more energy, time and money for your existing darling child.

Editing to add, if that doesn't sound off-putting, think about being 58-68 when they and sibling got through their teens.

The risk of Down's Syndrome is linked to the age of the person whose eggs are used, not the person who gestates them.

You can have a simple blood test at 10 weeks that is very accurate for ruling out if a baby has Down's Syndrome. If it comes back higher risk you can then test the amniotic fluid for a diagnosis one way or another.

OP if you want to have a baby then have a baby. I think a lot of mums are having babies in their forties these days. Yes it will be tiring. But it's your choice and that's what you've wanted for years and you think you can manage then do it.

Having a baby through donors is a different issue to age. I don't think your age is a barrier.

That is a fair point @Highlandspringg I wouldn't have chosen the situation and probably would have agreed with you if I hadn't had that experience. Just making the point that it's a blessing to have a child at whatever age imo.

I don't agree with donor eggs either. I know a woman who was really fragile and vulnerable and went through IVF. Doctor coerced her into donating her eggs so she could get a reduction in her IVF treatment. The IVF didn't work for her, no baby. But she has biological children out there that she can never call her own.

You're grandparent age. I have a friend in her mid 20s (I'm late 20s) and her parents are the same age as my grandparents.

Your teenager will have left home before this child is even in primary school! How do you think you risking your health and shifting your focus to a new baby who they will barely get to know before they leave home is going to be good for them?

Excellent post @Mabs49

I would also say no for all the reasons that have already been outlined.

Another point of view is that because people are now so used to getting what they want that coming to terms with something that isn't going to happen feels even more difficult.

What is wrong with accepting that we don't always get what we want? It's almost as if having a baby is yet another commodity these days.

If it was my own biological child I would consider it but it would still be a no. If it was a donor egg, definitely not.

Knowing what I do now (aged 53 and with a 15 yo) I would advise against having a child at 47. But at 47 if the yearning for a second child was very strong I can't say for certain that I would not go ahead with it.
The desire to have children can be very strong.

It’s too old. Unless you have staff to do all the grunt work. Even then, it’s still too old.

harsh !

No.

I desperately wanted a second child, but I couldn't. Now I'm quite happy with the one I have, who is now 25.

To still feel so empty about it after all this time is a bit strange, IMO, and I feel a bit sorry for your DS. I hope he is not aware of your feelings.