Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

Rightly so it’s mainly looked down upon these days to parentify an older child for younger siblings even without disability.

No. I had a baby at 40 and she has sucked out my soul. I wouldn't have it any other way NOW, but that's after I've carried her and loved her and squished her. The pregnancy was much harder than my first(which was only 5 years previous but boy it made a difference). I look like an old parsnip, I am always exhausted, I developed pmdd when my period returned, put a new career I was pretty excited about on hold...the list goes on. I was also very lucky that she was a healthy full term baby. Some are not so lucky

If you want it, go for it. I had my two at 43 and 45. I’m 51 now and menopausal and although it’s tough, it’s all I know. One of the other Mums in the school yard ask me where I get my energy from as they’re in their 30s and too tired to exercise while I still run half marathons.

Had no 1 at 42 and no 2 at 45 after years of infertility. Of course I would have preferred to have been younger but I have absolutely no regrets. I was mature, less self-centred than I was as a younger woman. I vowed to keep fit and active and taught them to swim, cycle, ski and zip wire. They are now students and I don’t want them dealing with an elderly sick mum too soon so I need to try and stay fit. Perimenopause / menopause was a whole lot better than Pms for me mood wise and wisdom wise. Anyway just wanted to share another perspective. A friend of ours got pregnant by accident at 48 - her 10 year old son is a delight and blessing beloved by his young adult siblings and parents. There are no absolutes in this.

If i accidentally fell pregnant in these circumstances I can’t say what I would do as I am not and never will be in this situation. Personally, 47 is too late to have a child.

No

It's too late. Use the money for therapy

This. Words of wisdom from a voice of experience

I would go ahead, yes. The majority of people saying no have already had children in the expected way. I wasn't able to have any and fully understand that feeling of desperation. If I had the chance, I'd go for it.
But don't listen too much to the advice of strangers on the internet. You already know what you want to do. Make your life work for you.

I'm 47 and no way could I cope with another now. I'm very peri-menopause and it's killing me.
Also I'd fear it wasn't as straight forward as my earlier pregnancies/children (by pure stats) and how that could affect the happy dynamic that I have right now.

But only you know your health, energy, support to make this decision.

There is absolutely, catergorically no way I would do this

It depends on your health. Many women are healthier at 47 than 27 - if you’re healthy, happy, are financially secure then why not? You’d be 68 when child is 21 but if you have a family history of living well into your 90s then you could be useful to baby until they’re in their late 30s which is good enough imo

No way. I would be grateful for what I had, and thankful not to be a pensioner with a kid at university.

I’m 49 now and we did use donor eggs to conceive our daughter, because we had not had any success with my own eggs. I was 42 when I got pregnant and 43 when I gave birth. She’s six now and she’s wonderful, I wouldn’t change a thing and I can’t imagine having a different child. Love makes a family, not DNA. I’m often knackered but then so are all my mum friends, most of whom are 10-15 years younger than me! We used my husband’s sperm as he is seven years younger than me and he didn’t have any fertility issues. A lot of fertility clinics have an upper age limit for treatment even using donated gametes so I’d not wait to start proceedings if you do want to do this. There is a lot of support out there for those considering donor conception and that support continues into pregnancy and parenting too. Please do connect with organisations like Paths to ParentHub and the Donor Conception Network for support and advice. Also do research the perspectives of donor conceived adults, learn about how important it is to be honest with your future child about their origins. The support organisations I mentioned have lots of resources to help with all of this. I recommend you and your partner get specialist counselling (it’s called implications counselling), and I also recommend reading Three Makes Baby by Jana Rupnow.

I had my DS young and in my 40's broodiness hit me hard.
I threw myself into demanding work, doing case work satisfied my maternal instinct and I did not have a second child.

Wow some ignorance in that comment.

Absolutely not. 47 is to old and it's selfish.

this is the most obnoxious response I think I’ve seen in a long time on here.

like oh it’s ok for me but not for you. 46 ok, 47 not.

and kids deserve parents together? Sure all the single parents here doing their very best are pleased to read how you believe they’re failing. And every person who’s not your magic 46 age but dared have a kid older than that too.

Kids deserve love. Everyone’s story is different.

Not with donor eggs.

Sperm ages poorly as well increasing the risks of disabilities.

Hi OP, I have never posted before but this is a topic I feel strongly about and I too know the feeling of yearning for a baby. I now have a beautiful baby boy after many years of trying and it was completely worth all my efforts.

I suspect you already know the answer deep down, and only you know but as you’re asking for advice, mine is - weigh up the pros and cons, go into it fully informed and if it feels right, go for it.

You only do regret the things you don’t do and I know I had to try everything in my power to have my son or I couldn’t settle and you sound the same.

We used donor sperm too and I totally disagree with it being unethical if it is done properly.

You may also like to check out the Defining Mum instagram account run by a woman who has had her children with donor eggs.

If you go for it, it’ll be hard work yes, but we can do hard things. Sending you lots of love on your journey xx

Selfish, this is about what you want, not the ramifications on your child.
Make peace with the healthy child you have.

Sorry but only regretting the things you don’t do is bs.

I regret many things I have done in my life. Just because it’s taboo to say actually I’d was better, nicer, easier before child 1/2/3/4/5 doesn’t mean people don’t think it.

You can regret buying a house or a car. You can sure has he’ll regret turning your whole families lives upside with a new baby because your biological clock at 47 is ticking loud and hard. You can regret how your oldest feels pushed out and moved out as soon as possible. You can regret the fact that retirement is further away because more money is needed.

Are you cool with the much greater chance of that child having Down syndrome or other disability? Because that is a risk you're looking at, big time. Take off your hormonal tinted glasses and get real about it. Fucking stupid idea.

@Ozanj I can only speak for my friend who had her third at 47 - she has said that it's taken a bigger physical toll on her than her older two, from the birth until now (he's 16). It's just because her body's older, she took longer to heal, longer to lose weight, etc.

She's fine at 63 with a teenager, but we have to be realistic that we're not going to bounce back as quickly!