Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

I'm sorry to be so brutal about this... you need to stop being obsessed with a second and focus on the child you have. You need therapy to help you do that.

I'm an only child in similar circs - my parents tried for 15 years after me and it didn't happen.

It was very clear to me how my mum felt my whole childhood from about 7 onward.

I felt like I wasn't enough for her. It affected my behaviour towards her in my early teens (I sometimes became violent). And it gave me a dreadful perfectionism at school which dogs me in my 40s. I have a lovely relationship with my parents, a husband, two children and a career but I feel like a total failure, never good enough, always like I've failed everyone around me

That's not accidental is it?

Don't let your DC go down the same path. Please focus on your existing parent-child relationship while you can .

Well those people should get a God damn grip and stop judging.
Jesus Christ.

No I wouldn't I had enough health complications in my last pregnancy and I was only 38 then.

Sounds like they just had a fuck ton of money tbh. Sorry to be cynical.

It’s not about judging. It is unfair to be an older parent. Not always in a drastic way, and there’s often some positives but let’s not pretend that considering having a baby at 50 is sunshine and rainbows for everyone involved. It’s hard enough when you’re younger.

Yes, this is possible in the UK, as are embryo adoption and surrogacy. In theory, commercial surrogacy is illegal, however, “expenses” can be paid to surrogate mothers and this term seems to be defined very loosely.

No because it's tiring doing late night driving around for teenagers and you'll be doing university runs when you're pushing 70.

Stop projecting.
You have no right to tell the OP she needs to get therapy.
You don't even know her.

Sorry but 47 is too old for us normal folk, celebrities have loads of money, the best healthcare, can afford childcare/get a rest.... etc etc. the thought of having a baby at 47 makes me break out in a cold sweat and I actually get anxious/heart palpitations at the thought 😱. The baby would be only 3 when you are 50!!!

In your situation and if your DH was on board yes I’d go for it OP. I know that yearning feeling very well and I don’t think it does go away! I know someone who had twins at 46. They are very happy older parents with very happy kids (and a dog!)

Wow. I hadn't realised this. That's dreadful.

Yes exactly this. ^ IME, the 50s seems to be a weird 'danger decade.' I know TEN people who died aged between 49 and 58, just this past 2 years.

3 neighbours (49, 50, and 53 - all died of cancer,) a colleague of my best friend died aged 54 (again from cancer, 3 months after being diagnosed.) then 1 woman I know in my street developed vascular dementia at 56 and died at 58 of a massive stroke. 1 man I know died from a heart attack at 55, and 1 man died of a massive embolism, and 1 more woman I know died after having a stroke at 54.

Then 2 people I know 2 people (1 woman, 1 man) developed MND at around 50-51, (and died within 18 months,) and I also know a woman who developed MS at 48. The lady with MS is the only one of these people who are still alive. I also know half a dozen people who developed chronic illnesses in their late 40s.

Purely anecdotal, but still, I don't know anyone under 45 who has died of any of these conditions/illnesses. Oh except one woman who died of cancer at 44. That's not really that far off the '50s' though.

(I know people DO die of cancer, embolisms, strokes etc, at younger ages - like mid 40s and younger, but I have just not known any personally.)

.

You just need to think about whether this is the best move for your family, OP.
Four people are involved - you, your DH and your teenager- plus the future baby.

If you have the time and income to continue giving your teenager what he needs both now and in the future, while pursuing the donor route, that's a huge plus.

If both you and your DH are prepared to actively parent until 70ish (assuming it takes a year or two for a baby to arrive), that's another plus.

As I said upthread, my friend has managed with her surprise third child at 47, but it has been hard work!

I hate to come over as all tin foil hat, but it definitely seems to be those born in Gen X/late Boomers have sudden yet serious illness. As I said, several people I know have lost at least one parent to a developing illness, all under 60.

By the time you find through all the necessary procedures and actually been pregnant for 9 months, you will be 50. Sorry but that’s too old. Don’t think of the baby- think of the teen you will have in your 60’s.

Do you not think one or two decades makes a difference? It’s a bit silly to pretend isn’t it. It’s like comparing 20 to 30 or 30 to 40.

Never!!! I’m early 50s snd the thought of having a Reception age child to look after gives me the chills!

Teens without additional needs can be hard work, but they’re also half way independent. A preschooler in your 50s, that sounds utterly exhausting. You see many posts here saying ‘my mum is in her 50s/60s but won’t have the kids for long as it’s too much’. And people will reply ‘of course it’s is, this is her wind down years’. Yet according to this thread, the 50s is when you get your second wind of energy….

Yep, and my best friends child has Down Syndrome and she was 28 when pregnant.

It can happen to anyone at any age but if OP is using a donor the risk is no higher than anyone else.

Maybe not pregnancy but I would consider adopting a slightly older child.

All the evidence suggests that outcomes for children get better as their parents get older.

Older, not half way to elderly. Over 35 is considered an older parent. At 50 it’s not even geriatric, it’s basically pensioner parent. At what age does it stop being ‘older parent’ and starts being somewhat selfish in your mind?

Edut, not sure why that bolded oddly.

Absolutely not, that ship has sailed and I have a life to live with grown up children, not small children. My grandchildren run me ragged, im fit and healthy but it far easier to parent when you're younger in your 20s and 30s not in your 40s

If I could wave a magic wand and suddenly be able to conceive at 47 naturally, I absolutely would. I would not go to the measures of using donor eggs.

Honestly, OP, no I wouldn't. I think it's too old and not really fair on the child. You would be in your sixties when they hit the teen years!

I also think it would be pretty tough for you. I'm in my early fifties now and really wouldn't fancy going back to the early primary years at this age, much as I loved them at the time. All those whole class birthday parties, playdates, fancy dress costumes etc... god, no, couldn't do it now!

My friend had a (surprise) baby in her mid forties and although she was thrilled at the time because she had always wanted a second dc, it really hasn't been easy for her. She split up from her dh when the dc was in primary school, so now she is single parenting in her late fifties, struggling with finances and dealing with some major teen issues. It isn't quite the life that she had imagined for herself!

If you do decide to go with it, though, good luck!