Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

This is because social norms are (not always, but often) there for a reason

Social norms are very often arbitrary; often the product of the conditions of a previous time (eg before new reproductive technologies existed) that no longer apply, or they are discriminatory , exploitative, oppressive. You really can’t infer much about what’s right or good simply from the existence of a social norm.

Another thing to think of is your general attitude to life. Of the older parents in my DC's primary class, one of the couples - now in their mid 50's - were definitely the cool parents. They are outgoing and cultured and have all the latest mod cons and technology, like to travel, wear fashionable clothes and are really into fitness (and are rich). I certainly wouldn't have been embarrassed to have had parents like them! But on the other hand, I've known some people to become total fuddy duddies by their mid 40's 😬

No.
Lots of celebrities don't do it, see moonbumps.

And the vanishingly tiny number who maybe do are incredibly healthy and monitored by very expensive private healthcare.

God no! At 45-48 I felt fine, at 49+ I am shattered most of the time. Adding a young child - no way.

The op wasn't lengthy did you miss the donor eggs and sperm?

@Noangelbuthavingfun

I did at 47. Made sure I was healthy and fit as possible beforehand. No regrets at all, my DS is my absolute world and very happy. I try and keep as healthy as possible now too.

Isn’t this only the case with older eggs and sperm? Technically the donor ones could be young and very healthy.

That's beautiful 😍

Isn’t this only the case with older eggs and sperm? Technically the donor ones could be young and very healthy.

No as I posted a page or two ago, it's not just about the age of the eggs or sperm, older women are at a greater risk of all sorts of issues in pregnancy that are linked to a higher risk of ASD, GDD and ADHD amongst other things.

OP says 'donor eggs and partner sperm'. Assuming her partner is a similar age to her, he's on the older side to father a child. I hope it's not possible in the UK to ask a fertility clinic to create a child with donor eggs and donor sperm. There surely has to be a genetic connection between the parents and the implanted embryo. Otherwise we're barely a step away from surrogacy.

Yes I have a friend who had her first and only child at 47 with donor egg, cesarian birth

Younger Husband is the stay at home parent, does EVERYTHING in the home. She is the breadwinner, big earner, also has rich parents who bought their house.

so it has worked out beautifully for them, but she has less stress on her than most in terms of a patient, totally dedicated dad and zero money worries.

They were both diagnosed with age related/genetic health conditions when I was a child. They weren’t in the peak of physical fitness but they weren’t slobs by any means. Working in very physical jobs for many years was a major factor in their diagnosis. My sister had the same parents but her experience of them was very different as they were younger and fitter when she was a child. My experience of my parents was only ever as “old”* people who were ill and not able to do the things my friends parents could do.

*I’m not calling late 40s old by any means but that’s what it felt like when I was attending my parents retirement parties as a teenager!

OP - FWIW, if you do decide to go ahead I wish you and your family all the very best. My view is my own and very much coloured by my own experiences. But you asked and I would want you to go into this with your eyes open to all sides.

'Bitterly unfair'???😂😂😂😂
OMG, hilarious.
This forum is nuts. Proved time and time again by posts like this.
OP, whhhhhy did you ask this question on mumsnet.

I didn’t think those issues were related to younger sperm and eggs. I know pregnancy in general can be an issue when older.

Well in some people’s eyes it may be unfair for the child.

Not with a donor egg.

My mums nearly 70 and she’s incredibly fit and healthy for her age. Eats really well, travels heaps and is at the gym every day. I still wouldn’t want her to parent a teenager! In fact one of the reasons she keeps so well is she has time to keep herself well. She still has more tiredness and health concerns etc than when she was in her 50s.

But it's OK if your in your 50s 🤔😂

That's less likely to be an issue given that OP is looking at using a donor egg.

No because all those celebs have full time nannies (some more than one).
I'm 42 with a 3 year old and absolutely dying on my arse. I am much less patient with her tantrums than I was with my eldest five years earlier

No because there are inherent dangers with using donor eggs and sperm as your body is far more likely to reject the unknown tissue.

Plus the ethical issues with donor eggs and the stress and danger placed in the donor. Many donors end up having fertility issues due to donating and can very serious health issues or even die from the drugs required.

Plus you'd be in your 50s when it started school.

So no, 100 percent no. Use the money to get some counselling instead.

I think saying "I'll just deal with having teenagers at 60" and actually living it are very far apart. I always think when I'm away from my 4 and 1 year old, how much I miss them and I shouldn't complain every day as they were very much wanted (I'm 37 btw). The reality is when I'm with them it's ridiculously hard, I'm pushed to limits, it's easier being at work, my body aches every evening as I crawl into bed. Trying to balance full time work and young kids is chaos. I love them dearly but I know I couldn't do it again.

I do not want to wish away their childhood but I do think of the day I (hopefully) take early retirement 55-60, kids will have gone off to uni/work and my time becomes more about me, I want to travel the world, spend money on luxuries, be spontaneous with my days. At 60, you'll be in the early secondary school days, raging hormones, mood swings, rebelling, not coming home till midnight, exam stress...there would undoubtedly be great times too of course.

My cousin had parents at 30 who were 70 and 90, their health is terrible, he lives in constant limbo as he isn't living nearby, but then immense guilt that they have falls and he can't get there. Think wisely, a baby at 47 might be fine but a teenager or young adult in later years might not.

"Bitterly unfair" is having a parent who dies prematurely (and that can happen at any age); or being abused or neglected; or having a parent who is an alcoholic or a drug addict. A teenager having a 60 year old parent comes nowhere near that category.

Already a large thread so not going to read everything, sorry if I’m repeating.

Older celebs usually use a surrogate. Many younger ones as well, but a whole other discussion. These ‘surprise’ babies they have later in life are usually the result of playing rent-a-womb.

There is a greater risk of genetic disabilities like Downs Syndrome. ASD/ADHD are inherited conditions typically - I had all my children before 35 (as was my partner) and all are ND. Love them dearly but I can barely find the energy these days, never mind whilst heading for menopause.

You are at greater risk of developing an illness that means needing high care or even passing away whilst the child is very young. We’re living longer because modern medicine allows it more than a natural inclination to do so. I know several people my age (under 40) who all lost one parent who was relatively young. One of mine died in their late 50s. I worry I’ll die at a similar age, my child will be in their 20s but it’s still shit.

👆🏻