Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

Oh its tough.
I think the chances of success are tiny, and hugely expensive. And there are also significant risks to you.
Have you tried counselling to see if you can explore your emotions a bit more?
I know it's different but I started trying for a second at 35, having had my first at 26. I fell pregnant at 39 and had baby at 40. It was a very difficult pregnancy and a difficult birth which impacted my health. Now I am 56 with a 16 year old and a 30 year old. I'm already delaying my planned retirement to see the youngest through Uni. I think you do need to think about what it means if you do have another child at this age.

No, by the time the kid goes to uni, you'll be close to 67

100%

Of course children aren’t embarrassed by their grandparents. They’re embarrassed when people think their parents are their grandparents.

there is no guarantee for younger parents of a long life either

I'm sorry but it annoys me so much when people on Mumsnet say this. You must accept there is a significant difference in the chance of a parent who had their child at 25 being around for their 18th compared to someone who had them at 50?

I feel like this graph would be a big wake up call for many people on mumsnet. https://www.statista.com/statistics/1125118/death-rate-united-kingdom-uk-by-age/

At age 45-49 there's less than a 1 in 50 chance of passing away. But once you get to 65 for women it's more than 1 in 10 (higher for men) and just keeps rapidly increasing. There'd be around a 1 in 4 chance your husband wouldn't be there for the kid's 21st and close to a 1 in 5 chance you wouldn't be around anymore.

You can reduce your personal risk by being healthy but ultimately this is the reality of getting older. And even those who are still around need increasing help from family, usually their children. I know, it's not nice to think about.

For the sake of the child, I think it's too late. But if you feel you have lots of love to give then look into fostering.

No. Because I know that its not just about how energetic, young and well you feel at 47, but how you're going to feel from then until you're 65. I'm 55 and the picture of health, but there is no way I'd want to be looking after an 8 year old. I want my freedom now. To spend the time I'm not at work enjoying myself or relaxing. To have time for my friends and my interests, to excercise, rest and prioritise my mental and physical wellbeing, to stock up for a healthy old age. I suppose if you're wealthy enough to out source the hard work then it's not as bad, but I'd not really want to do that either.

No I wouldn't but I'm not going to click on "YABU".

No. My DM had my sister at 48. What about adoption instead ?

I think you might find that once the hormones disappear with menopause, so too does the desire to have young children, so it will pass. I am generally massively less interested in children as the years have progressed and I'm sure it's Mother Nature being kind (for once).
I had a baby at 43 and have never really found it too tiring or felt old, but I think the extra four years would have made a difference as he hit late teens/early adulthood.

You mean like the vast majority of parents in their 50s & 60s I met when my son was at uni. I was the baby of the group 😂

I know - but a baby at 47?
In your early 60s when your child is a teenager 😵‍💫
People always say 'what about old dads?' They often have younger partners to do the heavy lifting.

No. I don't agree with using egg (or sperm) donors. I also think it's selfish to have a child at that age.

No, I'm 47. My knees hurt. I met with the practice nurse today to discuss the HRT I'm taking for my per-menopause. I have been advised to take up more exercise to help strengthen musles and maintain bone density. We are discussing what happens in 5 years or so when DD is our of fulltime education and hopefully leaves home. We have brushed the cobwebs off our bucket list. I have to join a damn gym because of these bones.

My life is totally not compatible with a baby at this age (despite the odd wistful thoughts about getting pregnant with my new partner). It's up to you but no - too late for me.

@HeySummerWhereAreYou oh wow you had a baby at 59. I'm glad you're doing well

I resonate with the urgent longing to have a child; when you're experiencing it it can feel stronger than any other force of nature or any fact of life, but this could be coming from a menopausal storm. Especially since you haven't (unless I've missed something) seriously attempted to have a second child when younger. 47 is very late to start this process. It could take a while to get pregnant and then there is the possibility of losing the pregnancy and having to try again, with your body well into perimenopause and the number of years ahead as an elderly parent increasing. It isn't true that we only regret the things we didn't do, we can regret choices made as well.

Some young parents who let themseves go & overindulge in unhealthy food, alcohol & cigarettes look older than many Grandparents. Are they embarrassed by that I wonder? I would be.

OP don’t ask mumsnet this question!! People are so judgemental of anyone who makes choices outside of the social norm.
Of course you are not unreasonable to make your own reproductive choices as feels right for you ❤️❤️

I wouldn’t have a baby at 37, let alone 47!

Totally your choice, OP. One of my friends had her son at 47, he was unplanned, she conceived naturally at 46 having assumed that she wouldn't at that age!

At 63 with a sporty 16-year-old, she says that she finds it harder than with her older children, because she has less energy, but she's managing. Unfortunately, her marriage did break up when he was three so that has definitely made a difference.

One mistake she did make, which she didn't realize at the time, was expecting her oldest daughter to babysit. Although she's close to her brother, her DD has since said that she was resentful, because he wasn't her responsibility, IYSWIM. So if you decide to go ahead, don't expect your teenager to do too much, because the baby will be your decision, not his. He needs to get on with his own life.

The other aspect that my friend has mentioned is being at a different life stage to her peers, as none of her friends in her age group have teenagers. It's fine as she's met some younger friends like me (a mere 50 ) through school/sports.

These are just things to consider, not reasons not to go for it.

Absolutely not.
Couldn't have dealt with a baby, menopause and aging mum at the same time. Plus risk of SN. Plus tired DH.

No- I wouldn't think it was fair on the child and all the risks etc

No. I would love another but only got our first at 38. The risks are too high and I wouldn't want to put our DS through it. Trying to conceive feels like putting your life on hold and we want to make the most of our time with him.

I accidentally conceived twice in my early 40's and both pregnancies ended in miscarriage. It was very distressing and of course I was upset and grieved for the losses. But even those sadly short lived pregnacies took their toll on my health, it was nothing like being pregnant in my 20's. I was poleaxed with sickness and exhaustion. I can't imagine being pregnant at that age. The thought of having a toddler in my 50's makes me tired just thinking about it. But that is me, not you OP and none of us should say that because they could not or would not contemplate doing it that you shouldn't. If your health is good, if you have support and financial stability then go for it. I do think the famous later life mothers have a lot of help both biological and practical.

This is because social norms are (not always, but often) there for a reason. When people step outside them, it may have a detrimental effect on others. There's a balance to be struck between what an individual wants and what's best for everyone.

Whatever one’s views about using another’s egg (or / and sperm) doing so is complicated, requires invasive, costly medical treatment for you and the odds of a ‘live birth’ will be low. Eg your 47 year old ovary and womb to maintain any pregnancy.