Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

As the younger child of late parents I would say no. I was a surprise but very much wanted (at least by my mother). I spent my childhood being limited by their physical health (couldn’t play or do many activities due to their age), my late teens and early twenties as a carer and was orphaned by 30. My sister and I have a very positive relationship now but she told me that she did resent the age difference as she often had to care for me and could have used more attention to her own teenage needs when I was very small.

And yes, the above could happen to anyone and you never know what the future holds but the chances are increased by late parenthood.

46 is ok but 47 is too old?! That’s a very specific cut off!

lol, 46, but you think 47 too old 🤣🤣

Surely you don't mean 70? I'd say even 80 is when most folk start to decline but even then majority I know (parents, their siblings & friends) are all active, some do volunteering, most still travel albeit not quite so adventurous as they were in their 60's & 70's.
I was intrigued to know what the actual stats were and ONS states: "in 2011, people aged 85 and over represented 59.2% of the older care home population" and a big industry survey puts the average age of someone needing care as 84. What Is The Average Age Of Someone Needing Care? | TrustedCare Professional Services

There are some assumptions there, though.

I was 33 when DS1 was born -he’s in his mid 20s now.

My DM had me at 24 and was dead before I was 22.

Listen to this poster @Noangelbuthavingfun And that goes to anyone else championing having a baby past your early 40s. The child is the most important person in all of this. NOT you, the person desperate for a baby at 44-45+.

I'm sorry for your loss, @Maray1967. You were very young to lose a parent.

Yep, that's a weird comment!

We are not giving advice, we are giving our opinion just like OP asked for.

I was 45 and I'm doing absolutely fine!

You need to look at this from the potential child’s perspective, not your own.

Your kid would have too high of a chance of losing a parent pr even both before they’re properly adult.

I think it hugely depends on you and your individual circumstances (health/finance).
My mum had me at 42 (sibling a couple of years earlier) and due to this they had established careers and we had a privileged upbringing that wouldn't have been possible if they'd had us earlier. Also they have always been fit and active and 40 years later they still are very healthy (more so than most of my friend's parents who are generally 10 years younger).

Right, but if that's the reason they give to the assessor they will be advised to get some counselling and wait until they have come to terms with not having a birth child that they wanted before starting the adoption assessment process. Unresolved grief around not having a birth child cannot be solved by adoption. It's risky and harmful for the child.

I think @Noangelbuthavingfun you're assuming an absolutely straightforward birth for both you and potential baby.

Plus, you're counting on your existing teenager being delighted and supporting younger sibling if you or your DP/DH weren't around.

Equally that you'd have no lasting injuries or illnesses which would impact your ability to parent.

I think you're not being realistic.

If you had a disability as a consequence of birth, or found thar your child had additional needs requiring ++ medical appointments etc how would you manage your teenager's needs?

Keep in mind that OP didn't come on and say...could anyone who has had babies in their late 40s or 50s please give me some advice on whether it can work. She said....would you become pregnant at 47. Most people are saying no because its the last thing they'd want at that age.

Lovely. 😉 I'm 59 and doing absolutely fine too!

Hope everyone else is also doing fine. 👏

lol, 46, but you think 47 too old

That poster said that she was 41 (I think), it was her H who was 46.

3 people I know, in the last 2 years, have died under 55. All seemingly healthy.

No. I absolutely would not.

Yep and it makes a difference. Firstly because men don't go through pregnancy obv so aren't risking their health by late parenthood and also because at least the child will have one somewhat younger parent rather than both being old. OP is 47 and unless she's in a very unusual age gap relationship chances are her DH is that age or older, leaving the child with no parent of a rational age.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad about this but the fact is we cannot have everything we ever dreamed of. If you have one healthy teen you are ahead of the game; some of us never got the right partner, had medical issues, etc. and have no family at all. Most people go through life yearning for one thing or another that is absolutely not going to happen for them be it education, travel, money, health, love. It's part of being human.

Think about it - you would be 70 when the potential person would be in uni. What if you became ill or demented; they'd have to share the burden of caring for you just when they should be starting their own lives. What if they are profoundly disabled; can you see yourself caring for a non-verbal young adult when you are in your 70s? Lots of not-so-great possibilities in between those extremes, too.

My dad used to say "Quit while you are ahead." I am afraid that is the situation you find yourself in. There are plenty of ways to be invovled in the lives of children if that is what you are craving. Good luck!

I don’t know why anyone would want to uproot their life just for a biological urge. That will pass as soon as you’re through menopause anyway.

If your child has an ASD or is disabled for example it could obliterate ease for the rest of your life.

I wouldn’t, there is a big difference between me and celebrities. We have very different lives, mostly money and opportunities wise.

My mother had my brother at 48 although she admits the pregnancy was an accident.She had health problems but still worked part time well into her 50s with the help of my Grandparents. If you have or can afford help I say its up to you. My mother lived a long, happy and active life despite ongoing health issues.

One of my best friends died at 48 and she was super healthy. Another friend has had cancer twice. Two of my friend’s husbands died of cancer in their early 50s. Once you get to middle age you never know what’s round the corner.

@BettyBardMacDonald the word “demented” is no longer used to describe somebody with dementia, fyi.