To ask if everything collapses at 40?

[GruandDrew]

I'm 40 next year and have never felt worse about myself. I've got serious acne on my shoulders and face. My pelvic floor has never recovered from childbirth. My waist has disappeared and I have a roll of fat over my jeans. My hair is flat. My eyes are like tissue paper.

I don't want to have sex with my H which is causing issues. He can be a total arsehole so that might be it. But I feel so uninterested in men in general

All I do is work, kids, work, kids. I work hard and try to do the whole 5am starts but can't be consistent. I've got debt and no savings. My life is to do lists and coffee and feeling gross. I can't break the cycle

I've never felt worse in myself!!! Pls help.

Making sure you do 5000 steps a day (and maybe building up from there) shouldn’t have an impact on your pelvic floor.

But seriously speak to your GP about help for your pelvic floor - there is a LOT that can be done. And waiting til you’re in your 50s won’t help any….

Do you have Employee Assistance Programme at work? A few sessions of chatting to a counsellor might help. There is a LOT on your plate.

I will try to exercise. I feel so much shame that I do no regular exercise and haven't for years
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I've been telling myself i can't run or do weights due to pelvic floor issues

Stop giving yourself negative messages and excuses not to do things! The future is much more important than what you didn't do in the past.

PPs are right, you can only fix this one thing at a time, break the bad habits one at a time. Change one thing for the better and you are on your way. Don't expect things to change straightaway, but they won't change at all unless you get your act together.

I'm a big fan of Dr Chatterjee. He is a GP, his advice is sensible and easily achievable, he has several books, a podcast, stuff on YouTube. Or it could be someone else similar, choose someone you like and follow them

I had pelvic floor issues and managed to improve them with the right exercises. I was okay-ish after my youngest was born but when I hit 40 sarcopenia (progressive loss of muscle mass caused by age) slowly started and yes, the muscle loss is everywhere and it includes pelvic floor muscles. I could not laugh or cough or run without pissing myself.

Our healthcare system is probably worse than NHS, I could not find a physio that would help me, so I had to sort myself out with Youtube and what information I managed to find online. My pelvic floor is better than 10 years ago - it took time to see improvements but I was determined to fix this and the actual exercises for strengthening and relaxation do not take that much time and can be done while doing other things during the day.

Just walk. Put on some headphones, go and walk and escape. Enjoy the air on you. Look at nature. It doesn’t have to be anything more complicated than that. Walking for me is mental health healing, it’s my solace I love it. And I have got a lot fitter doing it

There are pelvic floor / body workouts on youtube - kill 2 birds with one stone

Ring round every NHS dentist in a ten mile radius and go on their list. Call 111 and get an emergency NHS dental referral. They should stabilise the tooth or remove it for about £20. Stop drinking wine. Eat as many fruit and veg as you can in a day. Eat them before allowing yourself your other food. You'll get more nutrients and be less hungry for the less nutritious foods. Go on a 20 minute brisk walk every day. Take vit D, B12 and magnesium supplements. Make sure you're getting enough calcium.

My 40s were okay, I'd lost weight and looked good (for me!).

The 50s however were when I really noticed the sags and stubborn rolls. Also aching much more. I'm on regular multivitamins, B12 and Magnesium. Lots of walking and water.

Yes this happened to me too!

OP I have heard of something called the Emsella Chair (I think I'm saying that right), a course of a few treatments is supposed to help with incontinence and pelvic floor issues. I'm not sure of the cost - probably expensive but it's something you could consider in the future.

In terms of exercise, I would advise you to find something you enjoy - or at least something you don't hate, that way you are more likely to stick to it.
I was never a sporty kid growing up, exercise was something other people did - I thought people who liked exercise and did it for fun were weird or lying. But eventually, a few years ago, as I was approaching 40, I decided to try a few things and eventually found something I like. I'm not very good at it, but that doesn't matter. I now do Reformer Pilates a few times a week, and love it. I think consistency is really important so I have kept it up and will continue to do so as long as I can. I feel stronger, calmer but more energised. Apparently Pilates is good for pelvic floor also, you could look into it. There are loads of free videos on youtube if you don't want to pay for a class.

Basically you need to start prioritising yourself, which is probably hard when you have put everybody else first for a long time. But it's your time now. Try a few small changes and see how you get on, then try a few more etc. You will feel the benefits.

This is really good advice. Start with small effective things like this.

You've got a lot on and a lot you want to change but do little by little, easy things first. More water. Vit d, pelvic floor exercises and be kind to yourself (you won't succeed if you're hard on yourself).

Instagram though, get rid. It's soul sapping. I generally feel ok about myself at 42 but after 10 mins on Instagram I hated everything in my wardrobe, was old and saggy with shit skin, not successful enough, not a fast enough runner etc etc.

@Nat6999 you might need them more often than monthly if you have peripheral neuropathy. I won't hijack the thread talking about b12 injections but just for awareness, if nerve damage has occurred due to b12 deficiency you should have injections every other day until you stop improving. For some this can mean for years. A lot of people now inject themselves (costs about £1 an injection), I inject weekly. The NHS do not give often enough injections.
There's a great fb page relating to pernicious anaemia or b12 deficiency. Please find that group for more info xx

I had daily injections for over a year, I don't think it is the low B12 that has caused the neuropathy, I had repeated courses of nitrofuarantin & it only started when I was on this, at one point I lost the feeling in my lips, tongue & fingertips which came back when I stopped taking it, I have do not prescribe now on my medical record but they won't admit that it could have caused the problems with my legs & feet. I had to threaten legal action to get one injection a month prescribed, I do my own injections on advice from the B12 groups on Facebook.

@Nat6999 ahhh great, I'm glad you're ok with b12. I find myself educating everyone on b12 and constantly saying don't trust your doctor. Thank goodness for that Facebook page! x

With respect, four years is a lot. I was at my best four years ago. Skin and hair were amazing. I felt great. 4yrs on and I’m perimenopausal. I have reflux now and my pelvic floor has disappeared. My bits are dry and sore. I am irritable and have acne.