I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

I think this is the best thing I've ever read on here 🤣

Again, that is an evasive smokescreen as you cannot argue that statement is incorrect.

It was saying in a nutshell that a woman choosing to parent is hard working and a man choosing to parent is lazy.

Despite many saying that the parenting is the harder part, contradicting the idea of laziness.

If I come across as 'angry' it is because there is nothing I value less than inequality and double standards, and what I feel to be discrimination, and I will challenge that to my last breath if I see it.

As a predominantly female site I am stunned that there would be such a pushback on someone fighting for these values (equality etc), but I assume that as I am a man, and men have been the source of their discrimination since the Dawn of time, it will never be easy for a woman to embrace a man behaving this way, or believe he means it.

I totally understand that.

No one has said you're lazy op...that's not the issue. The issue is you have no idea what the reality will be like. Doing your own laundry and spending a short amount of time with a friend's child is nothing like being a sahp.

the early few weeks/months are during maternity leave.

Not what I was referencing.

Well clearly we live in different places. I'm basing my comments on my DSs experience of being (part time) SAHD a year ago. He was 28. The OP may live near you, but equally could live near me, so either could be true.

But you think your instincts merit you staying home? Also, if you split with said "lady" with a baby under 2 that she is breastfeeding, you will find that you do not have the same rights as her. Because parental choices are meant to be based on what is best for the children. Their rights should come first, over parental desire.

Also, interesting that you acknowledge paying bills and keeping a roof over your heads, but no plan as to how this would be funded except this lady working. I am not imagining many takers.

The one bit of 'discrimination' you're 'fighting' is the one that benefits your wants, not anything that will actually benefit women.

You just want a woman to give you a couple of kids and then work to keep you while you fulfil some weird fantasy you have and she gets to repay you with sex when you click your fingers.

@sussexcoast98 have you ever actually had a proper girlfriend? I mean in an adult relationship, living with a partner, having discussions about the future type relationship?

@sussexcoast98 you're not fighting inequality. You're talking about a hypothetical future possibility. Nothing is actually happening, and even if this were a real scenario happening now, you would not the first man to be a SAHP.

No no no, it's just women's work. And (you may have missed this) he's a man. His manly manliness and penis will ensure he's ready to go.

I am talking about AFTER mat leave, you know, when most SAHDs take the reins?

Not taking your early months away from you at all.

As simple as you want me to be, I'm afraid I am not so.

😂😂😂

Please report back in a few years if you manage to find this lady and let us know how the three course candle lit dinners are going with two toddlers rampaging through the house.

That's the bit most posters keep forgetting/conveniently ignoring to get their point across

I mean you just responded to yourself.

You might be a tad more simple than you think.

OP, sincerely, I think you might be a bit unwell.

No shame in that, I struggle with mental health too.

Are you aware of signposting to therapies in your area?

Ah yes the royal 'we'!

This.

Also news flash - a woman with young children who’s just been out to work all day is not likely to be wanting sex every night. Sorry.

My point is the OP is not as special as he thinks he will be.

One of my male friends who looked after his young children said one of his problems was that mothers didn't want to talk to him so he had to find other fathers who did. This means the OP will end up with one to a group of similar men parent friends.

Apart from one dad, my own DP mostly hung out with older working and retired people when he was looking after our DD. It was and is good for my DD as she doesn't have grandparents.

If that's what you want to think.

I'm not going to waste my breath!

It will be after her Mat period and depending on finances, could be until they start school or for a couple of years after that.

Everything that a woman would do on here and would not be critiqued for, people certianly would think her parental wishes were a fetish!

You will make a great father someday. My exDH would have loved to have been a SAHD, he eventually went freelance so he could WFH more and do the morning school run (I used to start work early). It’s a team game and although we are separated, we still coparent well and support one another when needed.

You’ve done all the research yet you think being a stay at home parent is cooking three course romantic meal the day!

Yes, deliberately, to expand on the point after I had posted it.

Have you ever spoken to a woman?

You are seriously comparing being a sahd to Rosa Parks, an incredible woman who risked her safety to stand up for black rights? I suggest you read some history books.

There's plenty of sahds. You can sit on any seat in the bus and will be told you're wonderful at every turn. You probably will be indulged in your ridiculous fantasy that you're some kind of pioneer. You aren't. My dh has been a sahd. He did fine.

By the way you will be a full time dad whether you are at home full time or not. I'm a mum 24/7, whether I'm at work, home or responding to bollocks on mumsnet.

Read what I said before about that bit being a romantic pipe dream