I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

Be honest op, you describe yourself as a ‘nice guy’ to a lot of women, don’t you. You genuinely think you’re coming over with some enlightened modern views, but you’re actually coming over as patronising, chauvinistic and quite narrow minded.

@sussexcoast98 that's funny. You know that the working parent can come home and cook. Sometimes necessary if the stay at home parent has had a trying day with young children.

Aren’t you quite the catch. Said no one ever. You sound absolutely contrived.

Can your hypothetical wife not cook or order a takeaway for herself?

This

What if the theoretical "lady" has a job where she works from home...? Nice and stressful combining that scenario with a crying baby...

The 'misogyny in your office' is heinous but not my personal fault I'm afraid.

What can I do personally about the fact men think you're somehow an inferior version of the same species, despite the fact that you walk, talk breathe and shit the same way? Just shows we're a failed species and nuclear war can't come soon enough.

You financially support your husband in the same way that he would financially support you if between you as a couple, you decided that you would be the SAHP and he were to work.

Oh, and did I forget to mention that obviously you would first have the mat leave that you are legally entitled to to ensure you could recover and spend the early period having more of that bonding time?

Dead

Wait until the baby is two and a half! 😂

Have a little look online at articles regarding working from home with a newborn, Pampers do a good one! You probably wouldn't want to hear it coming from me.

What if you meet the one but she wants to be a SAHM?

We don’t have a SAHP, we both work (both full time, but fairly flexibly). It may blow OP’s mind, but we also manage to feed ourselves and our child of an evening! Astonishing stuff. And we both do housework as well.

I did. I wanted to be one ever since I was old enough to think about having my own kids someday, and it was a non-negotiable when it came to my relationship with my now-husband.

Best of luck finding a woman who will put up with you casting maternal instincts aside after she has spent 9 months carrying your baby, and who will get back to work ASAP to provide for you!

Could well do, but having been at work all day, perhaps I want to lighten her load and give her the chance to relax?

Perhaps I even want to eat with her when she gets in, rather than separately? Perhaps I want to do that because I love her and her company?

Takeaways cost money. They, and money, don't grow on trees I'm afraid!

One day

Have a little look online 😂 the poster you're saying that to just said she's been a SAHM for sixteen years.

With kindness and exasperation, I think you need to step away from the internet now and touch some grass OP.

I think you have unrealistic expectations of what it is like raising kids. You are too knackered to shag every night generally!

Were you expecting us to fawn over you and say "wow op, you're so progressive and sensitive. I wish my husband was like you!"

Yeah, we don't do that here....

What we are good at is recognising a 'nice' guy that is expecting sex/praise/adoration to fall out of the vending machine.

What makes you think that it’s your job to lighten her load? Don’t you think that after being at home with children all day, without a break, that you might be the one whose load needs lightening when she gets home?

You could probably afford a takeaway if you got a job and didn't plan a 3 course meal every night....

Being a trailblazer won't pay the bills.

As I said, she will have her maternal leave to build initial bonds with her baby and will obviously have the time when she is not at work to add to that as well.

Secondly, drop the misandrist and passive-aggressive 'provide for you' as if it is any different to that reverse situation.

As I'm being constantly told on here, lots of SADs exist so some women do clearly give their approval for it to happen!

In terms of 'instinct', it is a case of I don't know how you feel, and you don't know how I feel - so let's leave it there, shall we?

My dad was a SAHP over 40 years ago. I'll let him know he's like Rosa Parks.

I can't imagine anything worse than coming home to a 3 course meal from a man who then expects sex as a thank you. Which is how you come across @sussexcoast98 . Ick.

I'd also want to be a SAHM if I had more DC, like I was with my current DC.

And all the "all the housework would be done" is a pipedream! Actually it comes across as chauvinistic to me. But maybe because my ex always bitched and moaned if I expected him to lift a finger when he wasn't at work and how he'd confidently declare that if he "was allowed to sit around all day" the house would be spotless.

Edited to add: Referring to me as "my lady" would make my lady parts clamp shut.

Well your wifey will have two-people-working money for you to stay at home, so I’m sure she’ll have a bit of cheeky pizza money spare if you’ve been very good and finished all your chores. Your inadvertent (possibly not) misogyny is slipping in though. Your idea of a SAHP is that the other person has worked hard all day so it’s their duty to provide a meal whilst they put their feet up? Mmm. If this is what you truly believe the role of the woman is when not working out of the home, then you’re not quite the modern man you believe.