I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

men could see it and going forward into the future, understand that there is no shame in wanting to do things their way,

Men wanting to do things their way - now there is a novel concept.

Gosh having now skimmed all your posts OP I honestly am ASTONISHED that you haven't been snapped up! 😂

Rosa parks was a genuine trailblazer you are a follower there is nothing at all new about what you want to do

I know the younger generation are a very creative group but this is the first ‘incel self identifies as tradwife’ I’ve seen to be fair. All the ideas of a conservative family set up with the no so subtle ‘control and sex’ aspect of basement dwellers.

Oh really? So a woman that plans to stay at home and be a mother, as other posters on here have said, does happen occasionally, are they lazy too?

And before you mention 'maternal/primal' instinct - yes, it is true that carrying and birthing a child will create a special bond, it does not mean that fathers can not have a biological paternal bond with their child and want to care and rise them, and additionally, be attracted to the idea of being a parent for a few years as their 'occupation'. They may like the idea of doing parenting activities!

We have all been discussing on here how much hard work the home parenting is, and I very much doubt that a woman would be called 'lazy' for completing those activities while the husband was at work, but if a man wants to do the home activities, it suddenly becomes laziness?

How so?

The SAHDs that we have been told on here already exist, would you walk up to them in the street and tell them they are lazy for taking on that role? When you don't have the anonymity of an online forum to shield you?

I have my doubts, I'm afraid.

You will tell me that they have 'settled' for that role due to personal circumstance rather than proactively choosing it, so that defines whether it is laziness, does it? Seriously?!

I'd have assumed by the responses on here that whether you choose to be a SAHP or settle for being one, the day to day tasks do not change. So how does that make me lazy by being one of the 'proactive choosers?"

Most people who have stayed at home for a few years would almost certainly tell you that being a SAHP is harder work than being in the office, for example, so how on god's green earth can you believe I am lazy for choosing the option many would consider to be harder?

I certainly believe you are the kind of person that if I was to say Ketchup is red, you'd call it crimson.

I was a SAHM for 5 years.

After a day of housework, kids shit, washings and cooking dinner (not even 3 courses) the LAST thing I wanted a shag.

Trust me mate, you'll be knackered.

😂

Wrong in the family crts when it comes to a child under 2 it is recognised that the mother is the primary carer due to the mother baby diad and any disruption to that bond is harmful for a child.
Also unless you are married you have no rights until you are put on the birth certificate.
Tbh you are coming across as a creepy insell/MRA especially with your more recent posts, you don't have a clue about anything when it comes to women and children. You do reassure that "your lady" will require time to recover booth physically and emotionally from her pregnancy and birth even if it's a "simple easy" birth, if there's any complications she may not be physically able to return to work for months if ever.
You are speaking about your future partner in exactly the same way as the men who buy babies speak about the poor exploited women used in this disgusting practice (surrogacy).
I do wonder how many other women on this thread are getting a serious case of the ick from your posts

In reality at some stage you’ll have a bitter partner that feels they’re being made run the hamster wheel while they feel you have loads of free time and spend all their money. Then when you try to get back to work you’ll be older with a gap in your cv and the added little job of trying to find flexible childcare because your oh just heads off to work like they always did. As the lower earner it will be up to you to take the children when sick off school (because oh’s job is more important). I honestly wouldn’t aspire to the way most of us have to live op

I think my vagina just fused shut. Permanently.

There's something I can't put my finger on, but it's very 'I'm a nice guy but women always go for assholes.' Serious ick.

Oh come on...after a full day of providing, don't you want to come home m'lady for some pampering 😂and cuddle time on the sofa....

OP you sound so young.

It is rare now to have one full-time stay at home parent.

What is more realistic is:

1. Both parents work part-time at different times so they can look after their children
2. Each parent works full-time but at different times so they can look after their children.
3. One parent works full-time while the other one works part-time

Lots of my siblings did 2 when their children were primary age and younger. The "children" are now older teens to adults in their 30s. Myself and my DP currently do 3. I'm the full-time worker but DP due to the nature of his work can work at very random times and for say a full-day at a time.

What's to stop me cooking when I am capable?

Not sure about you, but for me it’s JustEat.

So you can then say 'he stays at home and does nothing' and have your clique tell me what a deadbeat I am?

Mmmhmm. We can see you, you’re not good at hiding it.

What do you do for work currently?

I’m CRYING 😂

I think you’ve missed the boat in being a trailblazer! I know a few SAHDs, they just tend to get on with it though not song it from the rooftops.

I think it’s lovely you want to do this. I can’t personally understand it, one of us could afford to give up work, but we both opted to go back, it was the right decision for us.

The advice I would give is:
Save up as much money as you can, it’s expensive!
Make sure you and your partner are in the same page financially (ideally a joint account)
Make sure you can contribute into a pension
Keep your job skills relevant. You’ll have to go back to work eventually (or you may divorce), so make sure you can support yourself and your children

Also, stop romanticising it, you might not enjoy it as much as you think and there is no shame in that!

Sew it shut If you want to!

I didn't say they always did, I said that often on this forum, women have an issues with unpleasant husbands/fathers.

I wanted to provide an example of a man who would be a positive role model in both of those categories.

Read what I am saying, not what you'd like it to say.

If you think that a man calling out other men for poor behaviour is an 'ick', then your personal life experiences have almost made you believe to yourself that it's wrong for men to be anything other than awful.

I mean I've only raised two children to near adulthood as a sahm and through a pandemic so I reckon I have a lot to learn....

They're not all anonymous vipers on here, thank you for your kind answer:)

So you can then say 'he stays at home and does nothing' and have your clique tell me what a deadbeat I am?

Now you're really showing who you are. Your clique indeed!

Ah the mask indeed slips.
" I am not like the other men".
Oh yes you are.

Do you think women always choose the bad boy types op?

They're not all anonymous vipers on here, thank you for your kind answer:)

Anonymous vipers 😂😂😂 And you are..? What, exactly?

Go outside OP. It’s a lovely day. And maybe try and speak to some actual women (not m’laydeez) in real life some day?

Hurrah. A man has arrived again.

Not just a man who is better than all the other men who arrived on mumsnet; but a man who can better than all the women too.

I can barely imagine such a creature. A unicorn in human form. A man who can look after the baby and cook his lady a nice meal.

Just like Rosa Parks indeed.