I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

It would only be attractive to men like Hugh Heffner

@sussexcoast98 funny actually because that's my background! I knew a few other people who made it work too. No luck about it, or opportunities other than we made for ourselves 😏

Of course, those who stayed and blamed everyone/thing else they could think of, don't believe it's possible and are very bitter about my 'stroke of luck'. And as a recent poster mentioned, they are not waiting around for someone rich to magically turn up and pay the bills.

That's just dodging my point completely!

You'd just told me that there are less fiscal expectations on women if they are able to 'look nice', as this will provide a man with the attraction he wants for the sex he needs.

You see nothing wrong with that?

There may be the odd one, but are you hearing the overwhelming view that you receiving here? Every response you post just squeals cock lodger.

Yet quite a few posters on here have said they wanted to do that and saved up adequately for it. It didn't seem to come across as 'weird' in their case?

I love how OP woke up this morning (must have been tucked in by Mummy and sent to bed last night), and came on here doing the whole "tail between his legs" game. Within a couple of hours he's back to the same attitude and still can't accept a single thing women are telling him, about his views and expectations of women and children.

I said 'afghan culture', as, whether we like it or not, it is currently the culture of Afghanistan. The same way one might call US culture 'loud and brash' - is that racist too?

Another working class poster here from a poor family and so was my DH. We didn't get the same opportunities as moneyed people from well connected families but it didn't mean we couldn't do well. Stop making excuses.

I never said that. Try again.

Do you live in a deprived inner city?

I don’t see the problem with men being a SAHP and think it’s good that there are men willing to give up their careers, rather than expecting the woman to.

However @sussexcoast98 you are coming across like such an incel in your posts and your wording. You’re incredibly patronising, literally mansplaining how women are judged by society like we don’t already know. The whole post reads like ‘I’m such a nice guy willing to cook for my partner and look after the children, how could any woman not want this. But I’m being ridiculed for it and that’s not my fault in how patronising I am it’s just that those silly women are so ungrateful and want rich husbands and don’t understand men like me’.

By all means be a partner willing to take on childcare, share work and childcare etc but you word it like a woman should be so grateful for you being such a modern feminist man, and in my experience those are usually the guys with a huge chip on their shoulders about all the rejections from women they’ve had. Not realising that their faux nice guy act can be seen right through.

And if you ever want a girlfriend again, dont refer to potential partners as ‘my lady’ it’s so cringey.

Scotch mist??

"What would a higher earning man 'need' from a lower earning woman?
Come on, you know mens wants from women are completely different. Men want sex, if a woman is attractive enough they don’t care what’s on her payslip. They want someone to take care of them and their home so they can go to work and not think much beyond that."

I wouldn't have a problem if my partner decided he wanted to be a SAHD, I mean he couldn't as he earns a lot more than I do and on half the hours but he does more than his fair of childcare and housework as I'm out a lot longer every day however, this "I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!"

This is what I have a problem with. The airy fairy way of describing being a SAHP. I was a SAHM for years with my daughter, some of which through Covid. It is HARD. It is constant and incessant and it never ever stops. Put that with endless housework, endless chores inside and outside the house, endless sleepless nights. It is real hard graft. I am currently pregnant and I'm going to work part time after maternity leave however, as much as I adore my kids and I love looking after them, working 50 hours a week is 1000% less stressful than being a stay at home parent and it doesn't matter what sex you are for that to be true.

So this high earning, successful woman is going to compromise on her wedding plans, her holidays etc because you can't match her spending power? You put a pretty high value on yourself.

Actually, OP. I can tell you right now why you wouldn't attract a high earning, intelligent, driven partner. Lack of career and living with parents aside.

You're not exactly bright. A woman like that would see right through the nice guy act - your "Devil's Advocate" kind of attitude, your bad faith arguing style. It's immature. It's the kind of debating style and language used by teenage boys; I used to see it all the time in college.

To be honest, I reckon that even if you did somehow manage to land a cracking job, you'd still find yourself without a partner like that. She'd not want to go anywhere near you and risk having her future upended by a pompous little twerp with an ego the size of Russia.

You're a walking red flag, and one conversation about something of importance with you would have her bullshit metre blaring.

Baby sitting a family members child and having your own child that you have to care for/ feed throughout the night and day are worlds apart. Sounds like you have this fantasy going on how it's going to be all rainbows and fairies. It's exhausting and relentless. What about if your wife wants to breastfeed? I would not be happy if I had just carried my baby for 9 months, dealt with labour, postpartum, trying to establish breastfeeding and my husband tell me to get back to work, as he's going to be a stay at home dad. Obviously it works for some women and that's fine but your whole this is my calling to be a SAHD is odd. Going out and providing for your family doesn't mean you can't still look after your children and help with the cleaning and cooking "your lady" a 3 course meal when you get in/ weekends.

That poster did not say that. Slow down and read properly.

Delete this thread now please. I think it has run its course.

We didn't 'save up for it' to become a SAHP intentionally before we even moved out of our parents home and had met our OH. It is just a natural progression to bettering our financial situation. It's called being a responsible and independant adult.

Hahaha. The dream is over, eh? Funny how it shatters as soon as you talk to women, not just daydream.

Well, the first page definitely didn't disappoint me on how I thought this would go.

Rea life not to your liking, OP? It's very different off the incel forums, isn't it?

Lastly, if you think a man's 'needs' are for sex and to have his dinner cooked, and see nothing wrong with that, then you are more sexist than anything we've seen on here.

I didn't say that either. Slow down and read again. But you did mention sex twice, in a post about being a dad. So tell us again that men don't need sex 😂

Not great at reading comprehension either, eh? That's another black mark against your name!