I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

Prior to that, I was a carer receiving carers allowance for my grandfather who lived with us prior to his passing.

This would put me off if I met someone and they said they wanted to be a stay at home dad and are happy for me to work. Call me old fashioned but it would just turn me off and I feel it would emasculate then in my eyes. But that's just my opinion, there could be women that would be ok with it

Not the point of the thread...but how dare you put Henry Cavill and the Hemsworth brothers in the same sentence and suggest they are as attractive as each other ! Henry Cavill is in a league of his own. Not that the Hemsworth brothers are unattractive...but still.

TBH this might be the most outrageous comment on this thread 😂

Yep, he has added this to his weird and hideous posts now as well.

Can you drive?

The only thing you need to possess in order to be a man, legally and biologically, is a penis.

Anything else is your own insecurities I'm afraid.

The SAHDs that exist or the single dads out there are not any less 'manly' than any others.

Can you tell us where you are in the world? You seem to have a lot of spare time on your hands. Presumably you are neither at your job presently, nor out looking for Mrs Right

Groundbreaking.

OMG please stop! 😱

You lost me at "my lady"

By then, IF it were to happen, I would have enough of my own savings from ny more highly paid job to tide me over.

You know, in the same way you would do so if you were in that situation?

To me your situation is different and it makes sense to stay at home to afford expensive childcare then move back into a work place when possible

OP however hasn't mentioned this scenario, his scenario is that he will find a high earning wife so he doesn't have to work and dressing it up as though sahm all set out to find a rich husband and then give up work without a thought to household income because it's the husbands role to provide that

He wants to prove he's on the side of women by finding a high earner and giving up work and letting her financially run the household while he contributes in a way they women can't with 3 course meals and sex

He's an incel and manipulating situations to insult working and sahm in one swoop.

it is either acceptable to women or it isn't!

Are we all supposed to vote on it and decide how we "as women" will think about the matter? Or does someone send a leaflet round telling us what we have to think?

You believe the Taliban government hasn't enforced that? You believe it's right?

Or you distrust the media of the country that keeps and protects you from that regime?

I apologise only for suggesting Liam is comparable. Chris’s personality is lush, he seems the type of guy you’d have a real laugh with on top of being very handsome. But you can keep all of them, my time with men is done, too much like hard work 🤣

To tide you over? What about your kids? Buying a house or paying rent on a three bedroomed house? Petrol? Bills? That wedding?

You could afford all that with your savings, eh? Or would your high earning wife be paying the lion's share while you throw in 20 quid here and there?

And you're conveniently ignoring all the posts that have one by one explained my fiscal situation in the detail you need.

Read those and it's a whole different ball game

To doubt this OP has ever had a conversation with a woman, let alone knowing anything about the biology of creating babies.

Now now, he had a very tall girlfriend once.

Oooh, wasn't specific enough with the wording, sorry.

It is for all of us - didn't think that needed to be clarified but it clearly does.

I don't know how far in the future it would occur, but with what I am forecasting the amount to be, and comparing it to the amounts that people have saved in similar situations, then it would be adequate for one of the two parents, yes.

You’ve ignored my post asking what do you bring to the table for a woman initially. Especially one with the capability of being a higher than average earner. If a woman doesn’t need you, what do you bring that she’d want? Especially to convince her of your later lifestyle choices if you have children?

Same here. Most SAHP I know (myself included) didn't meet their other half and declare they wanted to be a SAHP. It just happens further down the line usually when circumstances allow it and when either parent is happy to take on the role.

I have a good idea for this OP. Why not retrain and become a housekeeper / governess for the rich and famous. It would be right up your street 😂

You don't need a penis to legally be a man

I think the bit that was racist was calling it “the Afghan way”, as though it’s an inherent part of that country’s culture, or will/ should always be the case.

I don’t think the women replying to you are saying it’s ok - the opposite!

How can you "forecast" savings from a salary you don't have, in an unknown time frame? Are you just assuming you wont need to spend any of it on silly stuff like houses (are you expecting her to have one already)? And how do you know what she might determine is "enough"? Don't you think a high earning woman may have higher standards than a minimum wage worker living at home?