I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

I can’t believe you compared yourself to Rosa Parks at the same time as completely minimising how hard it is to actually be a stay at home parent looking after the kids and house full time. How ignorant are you? Those days are definitely a long way off if this is your attitude to life.

This guy writes in the same tone as do those dating scammers who defraud lonely & vulnerable women out of their life savings. He's probably typed this post from an Internet cafe in Nigeria

As I have said many times before, not every living human being has the mental capacity or ability to learn to the point that they will be earning £120k per year after tax. I have plans to progress, but I will likely never be earning the Bucks/Cambs salaries unfortunately. Many people are in the same boat! The average UK salary is substantially below that, proving my point.

There are rich, medium, and poorer people in our society and all of them have the right to experience love should they want to and a child should they agree to. Are you saying that the poorest people in our society, solely on benefits and in council flats, are not having and should not have children? Of course you're not.

If I get to where I want to be, my salary will be ok. Not end of the rainbow stuff, but ok. Like many people out there.

You seem to be inferring that poorer people are less deserving of a relationship or children as they have not 'saved or planned' for it, not even considering their earning capacity/potential based on their own mental ability to learn or develop. Some people have less capacity to achieve higher or more skilled jobs, that is a fact.

I feel that is unbelievably harsh.

I don't know any poor families where they can afford to live off one wage only. If they can, they're generally not poor.

Don't talk shite, you silly boy.

What I'm saying is that women who have it as their dream to stay at home with their children save an adequate amount of money first. They don't just shuffle about idly in a minimum wage job, living with their parents until a rich bloke comes along.

The women who become SAHMs after their children are born, when circumstances change, are entirely different. Most women do not plan to be SAHMs.

You're crawling closer to 30 and you can't even afford to live alone. You're expecting a high earning woman to firstly be interested in you, and then to fund you. Hahaha!

The commitment of the SAHP and all it entails. The same way that when, within a couple, it is decided that she is the one that stays at home, her commitment to the family will be the side that is non-salaried.

When this happens, it is often affordable because one partner significantly out earns the other to the point where their savings and the partner's salary is enough to survive this period.

If one partner significantly out-earns the other, it is often because their social footing is not equal, from a salaried point of view.

Therefore, the people that do this are happy to be with someone on uneven footing, showing those people do exist.

There is no legal requirement to fall in love with someone with an exact salary to you, or a higher one.

The truth is high earning people of both sex tend to look for and date people on the same level as them. I'm struggling to see that a successful high earning woman would be attracted to a man who wasn't also a high earner. Likewise high earning men tend to go for similar women...they may down the line agree to her being a sahm but they often start out from similar levels. You will get the odd high earning man who chooses a woman from the opposite end of the spectrum if she's very attractive but this is because men are more looks based than women.

Nobody "deserves a relationship". Nobody has the "right to experience love". You are not entitled to have a woman provide you with either those things.

No, but people on benefits and lower incomes do not normally plan to be SAHPs? At least not ones who have a decent quality of life. I think this mindset is incredibly naive.

Personally, I would happily be with someone who wanted to be a SAHP in the future, the turn off for me would be income disparity. As a higher earner, I'd be happy to 'carry' the family financially for a few years to enable a SAHP. I would NOT be happy to carry a partner through our entire lives with a large income gap.

Do you know how long I have been in my current job? I take you assume I've been doing it for years, rather than nine months?😂

My training is currently happening to upskill. Should I get the next job I want to, I will be able to move out and everything will become much easier. Certainly not what I would call shuffling or coasting!

Unfortunately, you can't help or choose or change the affordability of the area you were born into. Just because some are able to be fiscally better off sooner, that does not make poorer people lesser, or lazier, or worse!

I had a part time job from a very young age so earning my own corn has certainly never been an issue, but you weren't to know that either.

When I was pregnant with my first, my workplace closed down. My ex was earning 14k a year (had to take any new job as his own industry came to a halt). That first year with the baby was tough, really bloody tough. This is how I became a SAHM, I supported him through retraining and he’s now on over 40k a year (very acceptable for our area far outside the Home Counties). But then our children were diagnosed with autism, both are high care needs and my aspirations of getting back to work went down the shitter. I’m nearly 40 and I’ll probably never have a decent career. Really, honestly, anyone considering being a SAHP think very very carefully about it because you have no idea how it can affect you later. I never thought I’d be a single parent on benefits, all the support I gave my kids dad (and kids themselves) have left me with nothing. I don’t resent the kids for a second I should add, just my own stupid choices.

And the odd woman couldn't do the same thing for a man, were she to find him attractive in the same way?

Kindly op, you are just sounding worse and worse as the thread goes on and more and more offensive. Just bow out now and learn from it, your repeated attempts to still argue your point are getting embarrassing now.

Im married and a sahm and can assure you that you are making yourself look silly.

Presumably you have rather significant savings by now then, having worked from such a young age while living at home?

😂

If you can find a way to make it work it's a perfectly valid option. As many of us have said, our partners have had been/are sahds. My dh is perfectly capable of running the house and is a fantastic dad. We've done sahd/sahm/both pt/one ft and now both ft at different times and each has its own pluses and minuses.

Dads can be fantastic in this role. Dh is far more patient than I am and really stepped up during his time as a sahd and it meant he had a much better idea of what an equal contribution to the family meant when he returned to work.

What I object to is the idea that you are in any way ground breaking in wanting to do this and your unrealistic expectations and desire for praise. It's pretty normal these days and nothing remarkable

Decently so, but as I have said, affordability is very much an issue here, for anyone. You can't help where you were born.

You keep saying the same thing in different ways.

If you can't afford to move out of home on a minimum wage job, how do you intend to pay for half a house, half the bills and half a wedding? How do you intend to save enough to cover your share of all the above, minus the wedding?

Or are you expecting your mythical wife to earn enough to fund the above so you can stay at home and cook 3 course meals so she has enough energy for sex with you?

You said in an earlier post that takeaways cost money and neither money or takeaway grow on trees. This says that you're already deciding what money will be spent on and you won't allow takeaways, despite you putting nothing into the household but expecting everything

I know loads of sahm and said. I don't know many of those that got into that situation by being a cocklodger

And I clearly can't move somewhere cheaper when I am in the middle of training for a job to financially help me that is within a reasonable commute to where I am.

Slyly and stealthily avoiding answering the question 'what is an Afghan life?' I see.

Do you look like Henry Cavill or a Hemsworth? It’s not even about being a high earning woman these days, most women are (thankfully) realising men need women, women do not need men. So as a man you have to present yourself as someone a woman wants. She doesn’t need your money, she doesn’t need your sexual advances, so what do you bring to the table that a woman would find gave something she wanted to her life?

You know you are not glued to the spot? Could you not have moved 9 months ago at the ripe old age of 25? Why didn't you train in anything before now? Though you perhaps you stick around because there's rich ladies around?

I did mention it, citing the international law and serious human rights breach of women having no rights whatsoever and not being able to leave the house without a male guardian.

It's highly unlikely. When it comes to women, looks are not really their top priority. Yes they want a man they find attractive but no looks don't generally trump personality/success when women are looking for a partner.

Aye, and you'll be...what..27? 28 by then? How many years are you planning on saving? How much exactly will you be able to save?

What exactly do you think is so special about you that you'll be able to attract a high earning, independent, career driven woman? Because every woman like that I know expects the same from her partner. They don't want to be with someone who's fumbling along in a low-paid job until the moment she pops out a baby, and bam! He's at home living off her hard work.