I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

I'm not telling any woman what to do! How can you say that?

You have literally started a whole thread about your life plan that revolves around a woman being compliant to a very specific lifestyle you want to live. And you’ve also alluded to how stay at home mothers should be behaving based on what you believe what being a SAHP is, which is quite backwards even if it was a man doing it instead. Reversing sexist roles is still sexism.

I'd sign up to a Giggle type social media that only allowed women. I have had enough of being mansplained to by men who think they are Rosa Parks.

Why would I bother trying to 'impress' anonymous people on an online forum that I have, and will, never meet?

Some people in life get it wrong, very very badly wrong, sometimes, and some of them later feel guilty for that. They want to come back and apologise and explain how, and why they got it wrong as they do not want the people they have offended to feel pain or hurt for no reason.

I would get nothing out of simply saying 'what women wanted to hear' anonymously online, if I did not truly mean it .

This is a moral issue for me, regardless of anything else. I did wrong and I want to offer an apology for that. No 'appeasement' here.

I assumed as much

THIS. His true feelings came out quite early, I thought he'd try to hold on to the facade a bit longer, if I'm honest.

Unfortunately, depending on where in the country you live, it is not always as black and white as simply finding somewhere else to live that is affordable amongst other things. I am fortunate to have the arrangement I do for now.

Alright OP, I'm listening to what you're saying now.

If you truly want to be a SAHD, good luck with that.

Imo, your previous posts implied, to me, that you're quite inflexible and unrealistic in what being a stay at home partner entails.

And I get the impression from you, like a quite a number of young people, that you believe marriage or relationships are always 50/50.

This is not reality. Its even less reality once children are involved. There are going to be times when your partner needs more from you than you from them and vice versa.

More power to you if you can find a woman who out earns you to the point of being able to finance you staying home, but I would point out that even then, the motherhood penalty will still affect her. Chances are good she will already have been overlooked for opportunities simply for being of child bearing age. Her employer might overlook her after pregnancy for upskilling - this happened to me.

Hell, my company didn't even give me a back to work date despite my frequently popping in to see them to ask for it as their new online system wouldn't operate right. In order to get a new shift rota, I had to physically be at the store to log in for a shift. I told them this was batshit and they reassured me they would tell me personally via phone when I needed to be in
They did not. Until the night I needed to be and they called demanding why I wasn't there.

My point is you don't know what is going to be feasible for you and your partner until you actually get there. And that's before we even think about SEN or other disabilities.

Because you like attention from women And enjoy the faux self flagellation..

You might find you've got to have 2 incomes coming in. So no-one will be a stay at home parent.

If that's really what you want to believe, then nothing I say will change that will it?

Everybody on here believes it. Nobody is taken in by your act.

From mummies house to sugar mamas house. Is that the plan then?

Well if any attempt at apology or guilt is seen as some sort of mind game, how can anyone ever own up to their mistakes? Or do you not want them to?

Oh God, he's still going and now blaming a non-existent ND diagnosis for his misogyny.

FYI, your examples of "standing up for women" are some of the most ridiculous I've read. If that's the extent of feminist thinking you've explored, then you're barely ready to be with a woman, let alone become a SAHD. Hilarious.

Oh-so-feminist and yet he thinks he'd have a say in his fictional partner breastfeeding to see if it made financial sense. 😂

And no, OP. Even if you were genuine, I wouldn't want you staying at home with a potential child. Aside from the fact that (health issues aside), both parents working FT to provide for the future is important to me, you're so unbelievably immature, arrogant, and smug. And you're a 26 year old (with one short lived relationship under his belt) who still lives with his parents, works as a vet assistant, and tries to tell women on a parenting forum all about parenting.

Honestly, all SAHD are pioneering saints whose sole purpose is to defeat the patriarchy.

There are four times as many SAHMs as SAHDs, but it’s really not that uncommon.

“If in the future we want children” - well then why would you be having a conversation about childcare if you haven’t even decided if you WANT children? Give me fucking strength. All you’ve succeeded in doing is revealing your ultimate goal to stay at home because you’re a lazy fucker presumably. If a man gave me that wet-wipe speech he’d be out the fucking door.

If you find a woman I’d recommend keeping quiet about this entire thing and letting her lead any and all conversations about childcare.

I accept what you're saying, but what does my job have to do with any of this?

What in the ChatGPT is this post

You have arrogantly insulted and patronised many women here, you have even taken a swipe at peoples husbands - like you think you think you are better than every parent on the planet.

Just because you feel sorry now, doesn’t mean people have to accept it.

Focus on self-development and growing up yourself before considering bringing another person into this world.

But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

My DP works ten hour days in a high pressure, highly emotional job (vet surgeon). He comes back, walks the dogs with our kids, helps the kids get ready for bed and then helps me clean the house. He is 100% present for our children, like I am (I also have a very stressful and emotional job). Not working doesn't automatically make you family-orientated - just as 'working' doesn't automatically mean you don't care about your family. What nonsense.

Quite frankly, you're going to struggle finding an educated, intelligent woman who earns a decent amount of money who will put up with a lay-about. Very few women are willing to finance a SAHD. I certainly wouldn't.

The fact that being a SAHD is your dream, and yet you can't even afford to live away from your parents, let alone save for a future. You would be relying on a partner to fund your stay at home lifestyle when it is your dream. The SAHM who chose before children to stay at home that I know, worked hard, saved hard, and made damn well sure she had a large sum of money put aside. She was also able to buy a house with her husband.

She didn't just sit wait to meet a man who'd fund her dreams.

I've been told how much staying at home entails and it certainly isn't a lazy job. How could you see me as lazy for suggesting it?
You'd see all the stress, the lack of routine, the mess, no sleep, as being wet-wipe stuff would you?

You have totally misunderstood my post.

This isn't about you apologising.

What I'm saying is you don't understand women. You say things which you think women will like....like the words loving hubby and the three course meal. (Yes I know we've already discussed that you recognise it's a bit dream like). But here's the thing why you said it in the first place...you think women will like these things...it's a bit soap opera/romantic movie/novel. In real life, women actually don't respond well to men talking like this...

But he once told his brother off for his opinions on a female construction worker AND he wore a pink shirt.

How can he NOT be on the side of women?!

Assuming I was able to save and finance it for myself, you'd see any man or woman that stayed at home as a layabout would you?
The women that have funded the ability to stay at home and have agreed this with a partner, they're layabouts are they?