I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

😆

After the poster made this comment,

Unattractive, that you are a man who's first instinct is not to provide for your family. You wanted female insight. Females want a man to step up and be a provider!! You still get to be a dad , just do the providing bit first.
Not sure if this is a joke as you come across as creepy or maybe gay??? And wanting a woman to give you babies🤔

I simply turned it on its head so she realised:

I'll be sure to tell every ambitious, successful and high-earning woman I meet that they are creepy or maybe lesbian??? Men want women to stay home and live an Afghan life😴

You see how when it's turned on its head,, the comment is very wrong indeed?

Can you not see how creepy u are coming across???
You are coming across as weird because you seem to be demanding ' rights' as a man, that you are glossing over the fact that you CAN not achieve!!! Unless you are female!!! You will be relying on your wife being amenable to your demands, however, u come across as demanding she pushes off back to work .

Have you ever met any women OP?

What 'female' rights am I asking for that I can not 'achieve', do you mind me asking? The right to reproduce?😂

What’s an Afghan life??

Are you planning on finding yourself a sugar mama to afford to be a SAHD?

I consider myself a SAHM but I work 6 hours a week in my regular part time job and adhoc in another part time job.

I take care of 3 disabled kids the rest of the time;I'm so bloody knackered at the end of most days that unless you I've managed to make dinner for later in the morning when I've got more energy eg something is in the slow cooker then it's something chucked in the air fryer out of the freezer for dinner.

Being a SAHP is relentless and fucking exhausting yet here you are acting like it's some sort of fairy tale.

The SAHD's out there are likely as knackered as I am.

Don't act stupid, you know exactly what I'm trying to say. Saying men should be 'this' means that they can say women should be 'that', and that's a very dangerous line to tread.

It is a dangerous line because it’s very racist what you said and calling me stupid, well.

I’ve been a SAHM for ten years and my husband has honestly never been bitter. He recognizes his salary as our money, as opposed to his money, and we both check in with each other if we want to buy anything inessential that’s above US $70 or so. It probably helps that both of us are able to listen to music or podcasts as we work. He’s a software engineer.

We aren't 'acting stupid' no-one has a clue what you are on about. We don't understand what the 'dangerous line' is.

Having women virtually eradicated from society and not being able to leave the house without a male companion? Having almost no rights at all as an adult human?

As a British person who lives in freedom, I don't believe that criticising that and seeing it as a serious human rights breach is racist to be honest.

A-bloody-man, more like.

Look, we get it, you think you’re the first bloke ever to have lived who wants to look after his own kids (although quite why you’d think that when your own dad was apparently a SAHD I do not know…). The point is that you’re trying to talk knowledgeably about stuff you don’t understand to a large number of women who DO understand and have direct experience of it. Can’t you see why that gets our backs up? (Quite apart from the cringeworthy plans for romantic candlelit dinners and snogging…)

My colleague and her husband worked for the same organisation and they split the mat leave between them and then both went part time.

Looking after small children is very rewarding but can be hard work. Cooking a 3 course meal, cleaning, tidying and being ready for some hanky panky by the end of all that is going to be very very difficult.

I think your sentiment is nice, even I as a woman pictured myself doing all these homely things but there are so many days where it's just chaos. I also choose to earn so have a balance with my husband who also does his fair share at home.

Females want a man to step up and be a provider!

Do these females still live in the 1950s??

Thank you for seeing that I meant well😊

Is this some crap creative writing exercise? Poor Rosa, you're not fit to type her name with that misogynistic drivel. My DB was a SAHP twenty years ago. He'd have laughed at your musings too. He sold a company to fund it.

OK Kevin, good luck with that!

I have a younger brother of your age, OP. He also wants to get married and have children.

Do you know what he's doing to provide for that dream? He's working his way up in a very competitive law firm. He's spent since he was school-leaving age getting his head down, putting in the work, and trying his best. He's just bought a small property with his long term partner. He puts money into savings for the future.

He's not arsing about on the internet fantasising about a make-believe baby and wife, acting like he's the big I Am. Get a grip, bloody hell.

You've clearly spent a bit of time on mn ("the average mnetter", calling posters vipers, using the acronyms etc). Why? If you don't mind me asking. I wouldn't think many other men in their mid twenties are on here.

And you know what I have or haven't been putting aside?

I cannot believe this is still going. You just wanted an argument didn't you OP? You think you've got some kind of gotcha now that people are arguing against you, so you can say "so you think the same about SAHMs then?" Bravo, very good. Except that it's not as simple as that, and if you had any life experience you would know that.

Your posts are patronising as fuck, I'm afraid. You've managed to insult SAHMs and working mums at once, which is some feat, I'll admit. You arrogantly assume you will be a complete natural as a parent because you've had a nice chat with a kid once, and you somehow think you're in a position to tell a forum full of parents how parenting should go, because you've read a Pampers article.

You think you're the epitome of manliness because you make bold statements about rejecting misogyny and you don't fight in bars (but you conveniently forget about that when you need to tell a woman what she can talk about). You think that huge swathes of women should think you are sweet for wanting to cook three course dinners and cuddle and have sex, but again, your lack of life experience is showing: no parent of a preschooler wants their partner to spend time cooking them a fancy starter when there's washing to be done and bins to take out and kids to get ready for bed.

If your OP hadn't been so arrogant, if you'd posted asking for views on SAHDs and been actually willing to listen, if you hadn't waded in with absolute ridiculousness about being some kind of Manly Miracle, then you might have generated a decent discussion. But I'm not sure you actually do want to be a SAHD. I think you're an MRA and you just want to lecture a bunch of women.

I will spell it out.
You provide for your partner and family , as in get a job
BECAUSE
She is the one who will be pregnant, birthing, breastfeeding
And of course a woman is not unfeminine if she is a high achiever. I am a high achiever and a mum of 6. Guess what, I was a SAHM out earning my partner. He still had a job though!!!

I thought you worked as a vet assistant? Have you been taking a chunk out of those wages for the future? Are you looking to progress this career so that you have a nest egg? I'd love to hear all about that. It's your dream, so I assume you've been budgeting for it?

Tbf, if it’s okay for women to want a man to step up and be a provider then surely it’s got to be okay for a man to want a woman to give him babies (or otherwise fulfil gendered stereotypes)? And saying he gets to be a dad after he’s fulfilled his main role of providing sounds a lot like saying she gets to have a career after she’s fulfilled her main role of being the main carer. Why be so restrictive?

some women are only interested in men who fill the provider role. some men are only interested in women who fill the main carer role. But, thank the Lord, we are not all the same!