I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

Why did you think it would be a disaster?

You are glaringly emotionally immature and have no idea how to speak to women as equal humans. You see us as a baby making service/sex holes. Our only worth is what we can provide for you in your ideal life. I don’t actually agree with some on here saying wanting to eventually be a stay at home dad is off putting. I’d love to be able to trust a partner enough to take over what I do day to day, that they willingly wanted to do it. But that would be someone who recognises it as the work it is, not your delusional fantasy of it.

I suspect there is a lot going on with yourself that means you feel the need to start this thread, rather than live a typical life of a 20 something man. Perhaps it’s neurodivergence, perhaps you’ve been down too many MRA rabbit holes. I suspect a mixture of both. But you’ve had the ‘female opinion’ and you don’t like it, so either reflect or move on.

You don't even have a partner. Never mind one who wants children, or for you to not work?
I find it bizarre that a single person of either sex would talk about their expectations from a completely fictitious partner that may or may not ever exist.
It's great you want those things. But what can one say about it? Other than I guess I hope you find a woman who agrees?
But it's not an agenda most would want to discuss early on in a relationship.
Maybe you should try getting a successful relationship before you start plotting your career as a stay at home father to your non existent kids?

and it works, when couples with a SAHD do this. Or do the children turn out worse, is that what you are saying?

She didn’t like losing her partner to a 8 hour Dungeons and Dragons marathon did she…

"Often after they have eaten, as food = energy, which is a good idea if you want to be intimate."

Haha I can assure you food does not magically make shattered parents of young kids, who haven't slept properly and consistently in years, want to have sex. Your naivety has really made me laugh though.

I'm a sahm and it's no walk in the park let me tell you. You make it sound like a breeze which is quite funny but also a bit insulting.

Oh and even though my dh works full time he is still a 'full time dad'- you are still a parent even when you work!

Just search on YouTube for "Taylor Tomlinson wants a Man with Dreams so she can Crush them".

But also you are tone-deaf about your audience.

Define the typical life of a 20 something man? Is there a mould I must slide into?

Dude, I am pretty sure plenty of people here already think the way you do. We don't need the sermon.

That said, this is between you and your hypothetical, future partner. The two of you will need to be in agreement on this and to have the financial means. No amount of approval from internet strangers will help you here.

Not sure what that is, I played for a local football team and she rode horses - there wasn't much overlap

Did she come from a wealthy family then?

13 pages of responses would imply they don't agree on anything I'm saying at all, mostly telling me how unattractive it is! How do they have my way of thinking?

😂😂brilliant

Not particularly..?

It's the first 3 years that are significant, not just maternity leave

If you are not a high earner, you will need to find someone who is and who doesn't mind being a sole provider.

But what if you fall in love with someone who will want to be a SAHM?

The 20s are for maturing experiences. Working (which you do), building friendships and for seeing what works for romantic relationships. Yes, men and women both have an ‘idealistic’ view of the future, but you are building your whole future on a false foundation. It’s ‘my way or no way’, whilst typically people have (long and short) relationships that mould what they eventually become. You’ve grounded yourself in a mindset and it’s not healthy.

YANBU wanting to be a SAHD but YABVU romantizicing it as if it was some sort of revolutionary act just because you are a man. Also, you are right, you can't lactate, so "your lady" will still have to go out to provide for you both while making the baby's food and expressing while on the job, also, not to burst your bubble but ,as a first time dad I doubt you'll be able to do all you said and cook a 3 course meal and be in the mood for sex after...

Because you seem weirdly optimistic that any girlfriend would outearn you.

Statistically speaking, you're not going to get that.

And anecdotally, I find any woman I know who out earns her male partner, won't want you.

I mean, my uncle married a woman who he met at university. Shortly after her career took off and she became a high earner with huge potential for pay rises and abroad travel for work. My uncle with his arts degree was working for not much more thaninim wage. The decision was made that he would be the stay at home patent and do everything house related because for her to take a career gap and them to survive on his wage would be batshit.

Those kids are now married themselves and have their own lives. So this is a long time ago. If it worked then when there was more eyes brows raised I'm sure it can work now. You would obviously need to find a partner who's ideals fit yours and hope circumstances allowe it. I don't know what you're really hoping to gain? Nobody here can give you permission lol

This made me laugh so much 🤣🤣

Sorry Rosa, I was raised by my dad and I'm nearly 47. You might want to stop labouring under the misapprehension that you're a trailblazer.

I so wanted to end that with 'methinks'

That’s assuming that she’d be still breastfeeding then or even breastfeeds at all.

Ahh so salary wise it could go either* way. I know it was an odd and personal thing to ask, but we get so many comments about how my husband likes being a “kept man”. If you heard our jobs you’d get why folk make the assumption. Often women earn less than you’d think - and it can be financially more viable for her to give up work because the difference in the family funds is smaller.

As long as you both go into it with full agreement, with open eyes and proper communication and you can afford to do it I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. My husband is a perfectly capable parent - but keeping a house and solo parenting a toddler is bloody hard work! Hats off to any single parents who have no choice!

But I don’t think it’s especially revolutionary - it’s whatever works for the family. I’m hoping you take that positively - it can and already IS being done, so your dream is possible. Just needs to be something that works for the future family.

Then we can both go PT and share, as my post stated!