I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

What a lot of words to say 'I don't particularly want to have a job when I grow up'.

Of course I do

This has given me a much needed laugh today although I suspect you might be a younger version of my ex husband. He thought he was a catch too. More like a "caught herpes" in reality.

I think you should have kept it simple:

"What do people think of the situation where a man stays at home to look after the kids while the woman works? How many women do you think would be open to the idea? What pros and cons can people foresee? (As it's something that appeals to me).

There would probably still have been some 'backlash', but that's essentially what you're asking, right?

I'm not qualified to help you with most of your post.

However, 3 course meals don't lead to sex. They'll just make a women who has been working all day, very full and very sleepy.
Not sure about the rest of your plan but first thing you need to do is reconsider the menu!

Do you have a girlfriend, or previous girlfriend? What has been the response from the woman in your real life?

And thank you for the new username 😁

Thanks for mansplaining stay-at-home parenting, sexism, household finances and how to change the world one nappy at a time to all us jaded vipers.

He’s been asked this a lot, I think we all know the answer……

Actually, I knew I wanted to be a SAHM from age 15. DH and I debated it a lot before we had children because he too wanted to stay home.

@sussexcoast98
You're right. In terms of parenting, outside of giving birth and breastfeeding, there is nothing a man can't do. I said exactly the same to DH when he was worried about bathing out first.

The differences between how mothers and fathers care for their children are not purely physiological. Studies have shown that mothers and fathers interact very differently with babies and toddlers, meeting the child's different needs in a way that is complementary but cetainly not identical. E.g. Mothers tend to be better at teaching emotional regulation by being hyper-responsive to children and babies' distress (this isn't a socialised behaviour, it's thanks to hormones). Fathers typically use more tactile stimulation and interact with their child in a more playful manner than mothers do. The reason that maternity leave is generally much longer than paternity leave isn't purely because it's the woman who breastfeeds and gives birth, it's because babies primarily need their mothers in their first stage of life.

Your points are all very ideological in tone - you could do with reading up on the science of child development before pontificating like this.

Sorry to the OP but this is so funny!

Nowt wrong with being a SAHD, but good luck with rest of it😂

..."your view is important" .......
hypathetically.
a lady prob gony wipe the floor with you. on here.
can you speak to your mum (and before the mad antiman poster starts -yer da)as openly.........please do.
there is no "normal" but m8,if thats your life plan and reasoning.......im not buying.(i mean that in a nice way)

Have you ever discussed this with a real life woman?

oh gosh I must go tell my husband who took the years leave off with both our girls while I worked full time as the high earner that he is a trailblazer fixing the problems of misogyny and traipse him around like a circus performer so all the other women can see what a man looking after his children looks like. So glad men are telling us they can fix childcare for us!

Oh OP, you sound very young and naive and possibly a bit socially inept. Have you seen on the movies that after a nice meal people often cuddle, ‘snog’ and then have sex? Is that where you’ve got this from?

You need some real life experiences with a partner. You need to live with a woman, be in a long term relationship, see how relationships function. Your wife won’t be some kind of doll - she’ll be a real person who will sometimes be smelly and dirty and tired. She’ll burp and fart in front of you. She’ll have flabby bits and stretch marks and a fucked up vagina from childbirth. She won’t want sex with you every night. Stop living in a fantasy land and focus on developing real relationships before you even think about becoming a dad.

Haven’t read the full thread but:

At some point over the next few years one of us will likely need to become a SAHP, and it’ll be my (male) partner. I’ll go out and win bread or whatever, and he’s gonna stay at home.

I hope there are 3 course meals on offer!

A career type role with progression or just a more day to day type role? Do you enjoy it? Do you have any career ambitions?

Get a girlfriend. Live a little. See what happens later.
Being a SAHD does not make you the trailblazer you think you are.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

Oh fucking hell. You've got your head in the clouds if you think this will be the reality.

Well you can write him a manual of expectations based on OPs plans. Best to lay out the ground rules now 😉

This is something you negotiate with a partner. I had a partner who at one point just said they would be the stay at home dad. They earned less tbf but I was like woah hang on when do we discuss this? It was a massive red flag that he hadn't even considered or asked what I wanted. I definitely wanted time at home with them and at least would have wanted 50/50, not to feel like I was forced back to work. Birthing a child is I imagine fairly fucking knackering. Then there's the hormones, the breast feeding, I don't think you can even know how ready you are to go back to work until you are in it, also depends on the child etc. Anyway I applaud you, look at jobs/sectors that offer good paternity leave, start saving.

Have you ever discussed this with a real life woman?

Has he ever discussed anything with a real woman...?

To be fair, we’re not married but if we ever are and he refers to himself as “hubby,” he’ll have to go. I’ll win and eat my own bread.