To think it's ridiculous how people go to pieces when they don't have their car

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

This might be unpopular.

Being able to drive and having a car to get around seems to be a sign that you have your shit together and you are a proper adult.

However, I have witnessed so many times people that are used to cars, absolutely failing to cope the minute they no longer have access to one, even if it's just for a day. Where as people who use public transport frequently have to plan around last minute cancellations and lateness and are actually required to be more organised.

A couple of examples.

SIL (BIL's wife) had a company car for years. She now doesn't work enough hours to have it so she lost her company car. I made what I thought was a genuine and helpful comment about the fact that she's lucky she lives on a great bus route and got given looks of disgust and no-one even answered me. It was as though they thought I was deliberately trying to be factious or something. Now MIL comes and takes her on days out with her toddler and even takes her shopping because she no longer has a car and claims she can't get anywhere. I have two children and have always managed days out and shopping with out one.

Someone once called in to work and said they were going to be late because their car had broken down and they had to get a bus. There was an out pouring of sympathy for her, people were calling her every few minutes to check she was OK and making jokes about how horrible it must be for her. She turned up at the office a whole hour late, was hailed as some sort of hero for getting there and told not to worry if she had to be late for the rest of the week while she got her car sorted. I lived on the next street over and got there on the bus every single day.

AIBU to think these people kind of need to grow up a little bit and handle their shit?

Well I don't ask anyone for lifts when my car isn't working, but it's a big deal when it's not because although I spent years using public transport and completely capable of getting myself around that way my body can't physically cope anymore and walking to then having, more often then not, to stand up on the bus, means I can't do anything the next day at all. It's not an option for some people. I was marvelling at how reliant I am on a car now when I've only driven for a decade and used to go everywhere by public transport, but it's something that can be very necessary to have any quality of life if you're disabled or ill. I would be essentially house bound without it and a lot sicker.

Says someone that gets taxi’s and catches buses. You rely on other people that CAN drive to get you places.
Or am I misunderstanding you, and you get though life without motorised transport ?

I have a car, but it's generally my last choice rather than first choice of transport. I cycle to work, either cycle or take the bus into the town centre, and take the train to the bigger city 10 miles away. But wherever I've lived I've always prioritised having a decent public transport connection. I wouldn't live somewhere that doesn't at least have a half decent bus service because I don't want to be completely reliant on my car as my only means of transport.

Also, I work in the environmental field. There are 50 employees in my department but only 1 who commutes by car. So there's huge understanding for those whose journeys are disrupted by public transport. If there are planned rail works we move all meetings online for example to make it easier for people to wfh.

Order one for next day delivery of course!

I’d be screwed without my car. It’s a 40 minute drive from home to work. There are no buses going from my town to the city where I work. There are trains, but the station is 4 miles from my house and my house isn’t on or near a bus route, so it would be a walk of over an hour. On an early shift I start at 0700, but the first train leaving my town is at 0710. On a late shift I finish at 0100, but the last train home is at 2000. On a night shift, I don’t start til 2300 which is hours after the last train to work. In addition, the return train fare is just under a tenner. I have an electric car and can make it to and from work 5 times for around £6 of electricity.

I would find it extremely difficult to manage without my car, as much as I’d love to need it less.

I would say it depends entirely where you live. In my case (lives rurally) my only option would be a taxi which are few and far between in the town I live in. I could bike but then it wouldn't be appropriate to arrive at work and then effectively get dressed for the day. Also the annual school bus pass for my eldest child is just over £650 for the year. There is no daily option.

"People" don't . The specific individuals you know do.

Well 'people' might, if they come into the category of many of us on the thread who cant do our jobs or get kids to school without our own cars.

Losing access to a car you regularly use is different to never having had one.

I learnt to drive fairly late on and spent a good chunk of my adult life reliant on public transport. I managed fine at the time, but now I’m used to having a car I just the thought of going back to researching routes, multiple legs of journeys, delays, etc. is tiring. The colleague in the first example was in a completely different situation to you - I’d be clueless about how to get myself to work this morning without a car. Unlike someone who has a routine down pat.

DS cannot use public transport because he wouldn't cope with it. For us a car is essential for him to have any quality of life.

People who have cars tend to have commitments further afield.

I have a car and a 5yo. If I lost my car he wouldn't be able to go to his clubs, I'd struggle to get him to school in time to get to work, etc.

If I didn't have a car I would have limited myself to clubs, a school and a workplace that were in walking/bus distance in a reasonable time.

If you have a car, you tend to plan your life around the fact that you... have a car...

I cycle five miles to work and back every day (or take the bus when the weather is truly awful), and my coworker had four month's notice that she would be without a car for ONE DAY and literally called me that morning and asked what bus to take from her house in another town. When I told her to google it, she called our boss, burst into tears, asked HIM for a lift then told everyone it was too stressful and she needed to work from home. 😂😂

I have my car, due to roadworks ironically putting in cycle lanes it's now taking much longer, I'm considering an electric bike. Buses take twice as long, go opposite direction, 45 mins, get another bus 25 mins, then a third to get to work another 30 mins.

I understand OP. I've never learned to drive as I live in a city with fantastic public transport but I'm seen as a victim of life by some friends who feel really sorry for me for some reason!

Although I'm always amazed at the number of 17 yr olds getting licence on MN considering most aren't able to be left on their own due to some issue.
Incidentally, I have 3 DC all in their 30s, 1 learnt to drive a couple of years ago, the other 2 don't drive.

I agree with your post to an extent OP. I feel people lose a valuable life skill by not using lublic transport. Growing up, we didn’t have a car when I was between 14 and 22 years old, until I passed my driving test. I lived in a semi-rural area with poor transport links, and at the time, I hated it. However, looking back, I’m incredibly grateful for the experience because it made me a confident user of public transport. I became independent early on, having to plan how I would get around. My friends, on the other hand, wouldn’t even take the train home from university for the weekend—they’d get picked up by their parents. To this day, they panic if using public transport.

I do drive now and admit that, in many cases, having a car is much more convenient. However, living in a city, there are times when it’s far easier to take the bus than deal with parking, and I’m more than happy to use public transport when it's the better option.

That said, I fully appreciate that some people genuinely need and rely on cars, whether they live in rural areas, have disabilities, neurodivergence, or a whole host of other valid reasons.

See, this is the sort of thing I'm talking about. There's options there but she won't even entertain them. It's ridiculous.

Yes absolutely this.

My kids will be having driving lessons as soon as they turn 17. It is a valuable life skill. But they sure as hell will know how to use public transport and cycle too.

And I too fully appreciate some people need cars for a whole host of reasons. And I'm still getting multiple comments explaining all these reasons. None of them are relevant to my point though.

A bloke at a group class I used to go to, said more than once, ‘Buses are for losers.’

We live in an area with excellent public transport, but he evidently had the idea that using buses meant you were too poor to be able to afford a car. I dare say he’s not alone.
My car stayed at home while I attended those classes, at least partly because it would have been a PITA trying to find anywhere to park!

Same.

I hate not having it. I feel really stuck.

I grew up in the London suburbs with probably 3 tube stations and 2 rail stations all within a walkable distance (and plenty of buses) but I also knew my way around a lot of London on foot.
Now I live in a commuter town with poorer public transport, I know my way round the town and local villages on foot but public transport is pretty limited. (And until the £2 bus fare, a lot more expensive)
We've had incidences where the car has been in the garage for a week, and our day to day lives are not really affected because kids walk to school, DH and I commute by train and most of our hobbies are around a mile away. Although just from a time perspective we do drive to some of them, usually. I just dropped DD at uni last week and that would have been much harder without a car.

Reminds me of Thatchers quote "If you are over 25 and still using public transport you have failed in life"

Try handling your shit in rural Kent with three bus services a day.

You’re correct in a city/big town, anywhere else it’s a nightmare without a car. Mine is like an extension of my body. Without it we’re buggered (and have a spare car to ensure we aren’t).

This I think is part of the problem with UK buses - different area have different set ups and people often assume their area way is standard.

Here you can pay by exact change on bus or by debt card or prepay on an app.

But fares are absolutely not capped at £2 for singles where I am in Wales.

DC recently got back late from city center youngest got a single child fare was £2.60 - DS 17 has Welsh government young person bus card which reduced fares and he paid the same. It's way more and services are being cut and fare ever increasing - or cheaper tickets disappearing.

Not driving we also when moving renting or buying look to live near shops, cash machine, GP and chemist, schools and having a train station we can get to and a bus routes and consider public transport commutes to work. Obviously if you drive that doesn't have to be considered at all.

Same sentiment as the bloke in my pp.
To be entirely fair, though, that remark was made many decades ago, well before the general anxiety about carbon emissions, not to mention the planet.