To think it's ridiculous how people go to pieces when they don't have their car

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

This might be unpopular.

Being able to drive and having a car to get around seems to be a sign that you have your shit together and you are a proper adult.

However, I have witnessed so many times people that are used to cars, absolutely failing to cope the minute they no longer have access to one, even if it's just for a day. Where as people who use public transport frequently have to plan around last minute cancellations and lateness and are actually required to be more organised.

A couple of examples.

SIL (BIL's wife) had a company car for years. She now doesn't work enough hours to have it so she lost her company car. I made what I thought was a genuine and helpful comment about the fact that she's lucky she lives on a great bus route and got given looks of disgust and no-one even answered me. It was as though they thought I was deliberately trying to be factious or something. Now MIL comes and takes her on days out with her toddler and even takes her shopping because she no longer has a car and claims she can't get anywhere. I have two children and have always managed days out and shopping with out one.

Someone once called in to work and said they were going to be late because their car had broken down and they had to get a bus. There was an out pouring of sympathy for her, people were calling her every few minutes to check she was OK and making jokes about how horrible it must be for her. She turned up at the office a whole hour late, was hailed as some sort of hero for getting there and told not to worry if she had to be late for the rest of the week while she got her car sorted. I lived on the next street over and got there on the bus every single day.

AIBU to think these people kind of need to grow up a little bit and handle their shit?

They’d probably completely forgotten you use the bus. I couldn’t tell you how my colleagues travelled to work.

I know it is. I've done it every week for years because I don't have a car. Neither does she so she needs to do the same, surely?

You have no idea though about people's arrangements and what they need to be doing with their car - for instance, I need to do the school run (15 mins), then drive back to the train station to take the train into London - and then the other direction in the evening.

I've just looked up going to my kids school by bus - one way, it's 1 hour 4 minutes, with one bus every 90 minutes and that's even without the inevitable delays and cancellations. The kids school has a window for morning drop-off that we have to adhere to, so a bus every 90 minutes just doesn't cut it. This is not a matter of being organised, or being snooty about public transport, it's just completely impossible without a car. When my car is in the shop I either need a courtesy car, or if there isn't one available we have to take taxis which is only affordable for a day or two.

I think it's ridiculous how people are rude about public transport, I have no issue with it at all and take the train daily. But conversely, public transport is just not an option in many areas which is a real shame.

I live somewhere where there is zero public transportation, not just inadequate public transportation. I love where I live, but this is definitely a drawback. The nearest shop from me is over two and a half miles away. Even if the weather wasn't frequently unsuitable to be outside for very long, I wouldn't want to walk almost six miles round trip, carrying groceries, just to be able to do my shopping. So, yes, for some people having a car really is a necessity.

But when I go other places, either on holiday or to visit family, I use public transportation as often as possible. I don't understand the mindset of someone who just wouldn't, assuming it's reliable and convenient.

I need my car to work, so being without it even for 24 hours isn't really an option and I'd need to hire something.
But if it wasn't for that I'm not particularly attached to it. Yes it's convinient, but I didn't learn to drive until I was 35, so spent a good part of my adult life dealing with public transport.
I think it also depends where you live. When I'm in London it's easier to get the bus to the shops, or a train into town than drive. If you're rural and live miles from a station or are served by infrequent busses then a car is probably necessary.

She doesn’t need to though as she has someone willing to help her.

are you really saying if someone said to you “I’m going to Asda do you want a lift there” you would say “nah I will stick to the bus”?

Yes, I agree it’s an inconvenience but I don’t like the comments about having to use a bus being sneered at. One of DH’s relatives said who on earth goes on a bus nowadays ? To which I replied, I do … there was silence. The strange thing was they all knew I did! We had one car and at that stage DH drove it to work every day as there was no direct bus route and we live a short walk away from my work. How did they think I took DS out to the museums etc in town on my non working days?

OP, would you also expect someone who's never used a tram system to be able to effortlessly navigate one at a moment's notice to get across town as quickly as a local?

I'm sure even you would expect to leave extra time to work out the transport system if you had to attend a meeting in a new area where you didn't know the system.

You find public transport easy to navigate because you're used to it - you know which app to use, how reliable the timetable is, what payment methods are accepted, where the bus stops are, what to do when you get on the bus, and so on, and you probably have more confidence in navigating different areas by public transport based on your own experience. But other people have less experience and knowledge of how it works than you do, so it's not as easy for them as it is for you.

When we bought this house almost 30 years ago there were several buses every hour from the main road (a 2 minute walk away). The service was cancelled 15 years ago. To get a bus it's a 10 minute walk. Then you have a couple of buses every hour. To get to the local town (an absolute dump) it takes 20 minutes on the bus. To get to the nearest city it's an hour or more! By car it's 5 minutes to town and 15 minutes to the city. Taxis are expensive (one firm monopoly), ubers are rare, no train, underground etc so a car is a necessity not a luxury if you have young children or don't work from home.....

she needs to do the same, surely?
Ah... is that what it's about really? She's getting offered help you don't?

Come on OP it's like when your expecting a nice comfy train journey and hear the dread 'rail replacement bus' anything that impacts on your usual routine is hard work.

When they were extending the tram here I spent a good few months taking an extra 30 mins on my commute and it was a pita.

I’m really torn. I live in London where public transport is great and driving is hideous but I grew up in a very rural location where public transport just does not happen. We ARE too reliant on cars and that is hideous for equality and for the environment but it’s no one’s fault on an individual level - it’s a systemic problem with the rest of the country and the lack of effective public transport.
People should grow up though, getting on a bus is not the end of the world (although if the car broke down unexpectedly I think being late is understandable!).

Well it depends where you live. I’m a carer for my Mum who lives 40 mins away by car, I get anxious if my car is off the road as it takes 3 hours to get to her by train or bus.
Also the local buses here stop at 6pm.

I know so many people like this, in fact I only experienced the madness at it's fullest last weekend when sil couldn't come over because her car was getting fixed, she lives on a direct bus route to my house or a 15 minute walk, she was horrified that I would suggest either.

A man in dhs job rang in sick for 4 days because his car was out of action, again a direct bus route, tram line and DH even offered to collect him but nope he could do any of these without his own car .

Well yes I get that but I'm not really talking about people struggling on a one off unexpected event. My colleague was told by a sympathetic office that she could be late all week if she needed to be even though I lived the next street over and got a bus, everyone knew this, I offered to meet her at the bus stop and get it together, she had a whole 24 hours to work out an alternative etc etc but she still lapped up all the sympathy at this horrible ordeal she was bravely handling.

Yes my SIL must have found it hard at first but she's now been without her car for three months now and she still acts like lifts from MIL are her only option to get through life when she lives on a better bus route than me and she's had plenty of time to get her shit together.

I think it depends how well connected you are. I know people who live in cities who choose to use public transport instead of a car as it's easier.

However if I found my car wasn't working when I left for work it would be very stressful. There was one occasion I had to get public transport to work as my car was in the garage and it took me 2.5 hours. My husband recently had to get a bus to a GP appointment and it took 1.5 hours. It's not realistic and I couldn't manage for long without a car.

It's more that I think she's taking the piss out of my MIL tbh and that everyone feels sorry for her. I don't need the help, I have my shit together. There's nothing I need any help with.

This is me, haha - although the very rare times I am without a car I will either walk (if there's time) or get a taxi. I will never use public transport! In my city the buses are filthy, overpriced and arrive/depart whenever they feel like it - I certainly wouldn't be able to reliably schedule my day around it.

I agree OP. I know for some people it might be more difficult to get public transport etc but I get your point. I’ve seen many people who don’t have a car for one day they act like is the end of the world. And they get so used to the car than they drive even to go to the shop 5 mins away.

This is so typical. I hear stories like this constantly. The two I shared were only my most extreme examples.

My other gripe is people who have to park as close as they possibly can and then moan like hell if they have to walk for more than 30 seconds 🙄

You make many valid points, I was recently without a car for a short time while waiting for a new one to be delivered. People couldn't believe that the DCs cycled/I ran a few kilometres to get somewhere because we didn't have the car!
On the other hand, not everywhere is conveniently accessible by public transport. Someone that has a car is likely to structure their activities without taking public transport into account, so if the car is suddenly unavailable then it can make things quite difficult. Also, not everyone is able bodied.

Lol where I live there is one bus that comes through at 7:30am to the nearest town and that's it. Driving is an absolute necessity for me, but I'm lucky enough that if I don't have access to a car I can just wfh so it's not world ending.

When I lived in London I didn't have a car 🤷‍♀️

Supermarkets deliver, also bicycles are good for shopping

My car means that I can get my children to school and then get to work on time. Not having my car would mean being 45 mins later to work or using breakfast clubs, which have to be booked a month in advance. So yeah, it would be a bit ‘panic stations’ for a little while if I didn’t have my car for whatever reason.

I don't understand why more people don't cycle if it's a short distance