To think it's ridiculous how people go to pieces when they don't have their car

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

This might be unpopular.

Being able to drive and having a car to get around seems to be a sign that you have your shit together and you are a proper adult.

However, I have witnessed so many times people that are used to cars, absolutely failing to cope the minute they no longer have access to one, even if it's just for a day. Where as people who use public transport frequently have to plan around last minute cancellations and lateness and are actually required to be more organised.

A couple of examples.

SIL (BIL's wife) had a company car for years. She now doesn't work enough hours to have it so she lost her company car. I made what I thought was a genuine and helpful comment about the fact that she's lucky she lives on a great bus route and got given looks of disgust and no-one even answered me. It was as though they thought I was deliberately trying to be factious or something. Now MIL comes and takes her on days out with her toddler and even takes her shopping because she no longer has a car and claims she can't get anywhere. I have two children and have always managed days out and shopping with out one.

Someone once called in to work and said they were going to be late because their car had broken down and they had to get a bus. There was an out pouring of sympathy for her, people were calling her every few minutes to check she was OK and making jokes about how horrible it must be for her. She turned up at the office a whole hour late, was hailed as some sort of hero for getting there and told not to worry if she had to be late for the rest of the week while she got her car sorted. I lived on the next street over and got there on the bus every single day.

AIBU to think these people kind of need to grow up a little bit and handle their shit?

I'd be curious to know what you would've done in my situation that happened a few weeks ago.
So I commute to work via train and either cycle or drive to the train station.

On this day I wasn't feeling 100% so I drove rather than cycled. So my car is now parked at the train station (We're a one car household)

On the way home we get to City A (for context I live in City B around 25 drive minutes away, 15 by train, City B is definitely classed as the commuter city for City A) and they announce that there is signalling errors at City B and the trains would be off for the next few hours at least possibly for the rest of the evening.
So naturally we all start googling bus timetables to find the last bus left City A at 3:30pm (It's mid rush hour at this point) My husband had to taxi to the train station, pick up the car then drive to me at City A to take me home.

It's great saying "I live on a good bus route" but for most people that's just not practical so yes...realistically I probably would be completely lost if my car broke but I accept we chose the rural lifestyle with shocking public transport and buses that run less than once an hour.

Oh and im not an idiot. I use the train to work daily.

If you don't drive, your life is planned already around that. You choose the swimming lessons on the bus route, the flat near the station with the fast train to work. Other peoples lives are set up differently and so it can be more difficult for them to adapt in an emergency where they can't access that car.

If I had to use the bus right now, I have to find some cash. I dont live near a cash point, I would have to get a bus to get to a cashpoint....

Then having drawn some money out, I need change for the bus, got to then buy something just to have change for the bus. Try that each time you need to use it, unless you get a pass

We travel around the UK frequently an always try to see if we could get public transport, what would it cost, how do you access it, some areas have the most obstructive methods of paying for and accessing transport, its confusing and difficult

Then there is the physicality of waiting at a bus stop or train station, anti social behaviour on public transport, no shelters if its raining, poor links between different services (if any), last buses often are early in the evening or even late afternoon. Thats if you get a few services in the day and its not just one outgoing bus on the Wednesday with a return on the Thursday.

I will walk where I can but I wont be giving up my car.

I think threads like this are just written by very ignorant people, presumably ones who live on bus routes 🫠

My nearest bus stop is a two mile walk into the village, my workplace is 50miles away, my nearest train station 9 very rural miles by road, my job involves visiting farmers and landowners who, by vocation, also live rurally and not on bus routes.

I actually am fucked without a car. Thankfully, armed with the knowledge, I’m every bit as organised and resourceful as public transport users so I am not ever without a car.

I have a car but I take public transport when it's convenient, which to be honest, is quite a lot. I would cope without a car.
I'm surprised at how many people can't fathom stepping on a bus. A friend recently looked surprised when I turned up with DD at an event as she knew my DH had the car elsewhere. She couldn't believe it when I told her I got a bus and this isn't the only time people have acted surprised when I take my kids on a bus. Maybe I'm unusual?!

Its an unusual/costly choice if you own a car, to then take a bus. You've borne the cost of owning the car already, the fuel for journeys is often much cheaper than a bus or train ticket. Plus it pretty much always takes longer unless it's a longer distance via train.

The equivalent would be asking why people go to pieces if their washing machine breaks down

Yes you can go to the launderette, you might be lucky to have one near by and be able to afford washes there

Yes you can hand wash things, its possible, not difficult for small things, bit harder for tons of jumpers etc

But my priority personally would be getting a new one/getting it fixed, not carrying on with the non washing machine options

I haven’t paid cash on a bus for years in the UK

they all take cards & the single fare is capped at £2

We live in a very rural location with no public transport for miles. If I can't use my car, I'm totally stuffed. I have a very economical run around.
People without cars (through some sort of 'superior' choice, not for financial reasons) drive me mad! I know quite a few people who claim: 'I'm so environmentally friendly' / 'we don't need a car' / 'we wouldn't use it enough' - you're not, you do and you would! The amount of lifts I get asked for by these people drives (no pun intended) me insane!
This week I have been running a kid home from school because her mum doesn't drive and her OH is away with their car. She can't organise herself to do school pick up, even though it is walkable. She doesn't ever want to learn to drive.
I have a family member who I have to pick up every time they want to visit, because they refuse to get or hire a car.

At every school kids party, that is outside of our local town the no -car families loudly moan about how difficult it is for them to get there, then happily accept a lift for free. They could get a taxi I'd they weren't do tight! (I know they can afford it!) Grrr

Well, clearly not since her MIL is prepared to help her. Are you resentful because you perceive she’s getting more help than you did?

Are you good at everything, OP? I’m not. I’m great at my job and I have a PhD, and I’ve travelled and lived all over the world, using public transport. But for some reason I get stressed and anxious about using public transport where I live, probably because the transport links here are so poor and my health is much worse these days than I was when I was younger so it’s harder now.

Try to understand that things you find easy, other people might not, and that that doesn’t mean you’re better than them. There’s almost certainly something you’re no good at that your SIL can do.

I certainly don't go to pieces when I cannot use my car. The last time I drove was actually last Wednesday. But I WFH and I am lucky that DCs school is close to my house. We do not have public transport here, other than a taxi from the closest town 10 miles away. The nearest shop is 6 miles away so I could find it tricky if unexpectedly left without a car.

Like all public transport threads this has become a mish mash of special pleading about complex journeys, shit buses, living fantastically rurally etc meaning they can't possibly get the bus and yes probably most of these posters are correct. Some have no choice about living in an area that's badly served by public transport but lots don't take it into consideration particularly much when picking a place to live and a place to work.

What I think OP is getting at is that it's completely socially acceptable to have a single point of failure in your transport plans if it's a car. "My car wouldn't start" is met with far more sympathy than "the bus didn't turn up" even though the driver has a responsibility to maintain their car and the bus user has no control over the service. It's assumed the bus user is lying basically. I've worked in places where somebody would get a week of sick leave for a sprained ankle because they can't drive themselves to work (otherwise sedentary, easy work). They are not generally expected to find a non-car-reliant way of getting to work, because often there isn't one.

Personally I don't think that's good enough. There are many people who can't drive for reasons of youth, age, disability, medical condition, or lack of wealth and they shouldn't be so phenomenally and totally disadvantaged by this. To the person up thread (sorry I'm on the app and can't scroll back on the app to @ you) who mentioned getting the bus as a wheelchair user, of course you should be able to use a car, as many people do who are not disabled. But you shouldn't be required to use a car to get about. My sister is a wheelchair user who drives but also sometimes wants to travel car free - eg to pick up an Intercity train or a plane, or visit somewhere like a pedestrianised area or theme park where even blue badge parking is just far less convenient than rolling off the tram straight into the venue. Or have a drink or two. She should be able to bloody do that!

The problem is that the answer to inadequate public transport is so often "just learn to drive and get a car" but the answer to a car being out of action is almost never "get the bloody bus then." Which means for a little of people that option disappears. But what if we considered being on an adequate bus route to be an essential like having adequate broadband because most people use public transport at least occasionally? The benefits in cleaner air alone would be worth it.

I passed my test late at 37 and can't stand having to use public transport now in my mid 40s. It's horrific and detestable. I definitely go to pieces without my car & I used public transport for most of my life.

If you don't have a car then you set your life up to manage it. So you presumably choose your home and job based on availability of decent public transport.
If I had to get public transport to work it would take about 2:5 hours and cost £80 per day, and that's before the hour walk to the station. That wouldn't leave me much time to get the kids to school.

You make the assumption that people have access to good public transport. Lots of us don't.
The bus that comes to my village comes twice a day. 9:30 and 14:30. You can't commute to work from here to even the nearest town by bus. Nor can you walk because their isn't any footpaths either. And the lanes are too dangerous to walk.

Also some of us are completely reliant on having a car to work. I am a self employed home carer. I travel around 60 miles every day going to peoples homes, taking them to appointments etc. I literally couldn't do it without the car. My clients are too far apart to walk or cycle. And even if I could I wouldn't be able to take them where they need to go.

So your judgement on people like myself shows little more than your own ignorance about how other people live.

What I think OP is getting at is that it's completely socially acceptable to have a single point of failure in your transport plans if it's a car. "My car wouldn't start" is met with far more sympathy than "the bus didn't turn up" even though the driver has a responsibility to maintain their car and the bus user has no control over the service. It's assumed the bus user is lying basically.

I don't think its this at all. My colleague drives. His car has had an issue once in four years. He is never late etc

By contrast those of us who use public transport generally have more issues. There are cancellations, strikes, signal failures. The timetable is changed. There are incidents with trespassers/leaves/snow on the lines. People also often to have to choose between a train/bus that gets them there 5 mins before work starts, or 35, and most people have to choose the 5 min before one because they have kids to drop first or whatever, but it doesn't leave much slack if it all goes tits up. Whereas car driver has a bit more choice to aim at beimg 15 mins early, 20 mins etc.

So the excuse that "the bus was late" gets tolerated less because that damn bus is late every fucking Tuesday, we've heard it all before. Whereas james has car trouble less often.

Most London commuters, arguably some of the most experienced commuters in the world, drive. It isn’t ‘either or’.

But I'm not judging people like yourself or your situation.

People are really not getting what I am trying to say. Everyone is coming up with all sorts of reasons why they need a car and all of them are kind of irrelevant to the OP. I'm not judging people for having cars. I'm not judging people for needing cars. My DH has a car. Most of the people I know and love have cars.

I am judging the people that absolutely will not entertain any other mode of transport that is available to them AND I AM TALKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO DO HAVE IT AVAILABLE TO THEM - MY SIL DOES HAVE IT AVAILABLE.

I am talking about people who quite often sneer at non drivers and then absolutely can not handle getting on a bus when their car breaks down. These people irritate me because they sneer at perceived incompetence and crappy adulting and then display total ineptness themselves which everyone bends over backwards to accommodate, leaving people who have managed their whole lives looking on in utter bewilderment.

I imagine this comment will make no difference. People will still post their stories justifying their need for a car and I will still think that them having a car is perfectly reasonable.

I made that comment in response to someone saying they don't know how "grown adults" can not drive which I found condescending. So I was condescending in return.

With regards to your situation, I didn't comment on it because I didn't want to appear unkind by saying it's not relevant. I'm not saying for one minute that you shouldn't have a car. I'm not saying anyone shouldn't have a car. I'm saying people should consider using the options available to them when they do not have their primary option available to them. If they do not have any options available to them then obviously the comment does not apply to you. Both of the examples in my OP did have options available.

I don't mean to be rude, but I have absolutely no idea why you are explaining the concept of waiting for a bus to come at the scheduled time instead of getting in a car whenever you want and that buses take longer than cars. I am sure everyone already knows this, do they not? I do know a car would get me around quicker.

But you factor that into your journey. You do what you have to do.

I'm also not sure why you think that if you are working you "just don't have time for buses". Do you think only people with cars work? Because I can assure you I do work and have held down jobs very well without a car.

I hear what you’re saying OP.

A car is still the dominant means of transformation. I know I rely on mine way too much and do feel a bit helpless when it’s not available, despite having a myriad other transport options available.

I think someone who uses public transport as their main means of transportation will be better at navigating PT options than a habitual car user.

When my car’s out of action, I look to DH to transport me around and vice versa.

Yes! Now why on Earth is my SIL not doing this?

I get it OP, it is incredibly frustrating and annoying when some (often the same) people belittle you because you can't drive and yet they seemingly can't manage anything without a car.

I know someone who literally gave up her job despite multiple bus options to get there and/or walking a very doable distance because her bf was no longer available to give her lifts everyday.

I know someone else who refused to walk home from work despite the fact that she lived less than a 10 minute walk down a well lit, straight road, and would instead make her parents come and give her a lift.

Just for the record, I live rurally and I can count on one hand the number of times I've asked people for lifts, public transport is crappy here but I make it work when I need to.

Walk a 2 mile round trip in the dark down a road with no pavement and carry back a 20kg sack of coal in a backpack because I needed some and no one could deliver it? Yep, had no choice.

Walk a 6 mile round trip down roads with no pavements to get to the nearest shop? Yep, had no choice.

Spend 90 minutes on 2x buses and a train to get to uni every day? Yep, had no choice.

I could go on. Some people don't have the luxury of moaning about how hard things are we just have to get on with it! I've never driven because I can't bloody afford it, and often could only afford to live in a place in the arse end of nowhere but you just have to find a way. I don't have anyone to bail me out if I find myself stranded.

I have sympathy for those who circumstances change unexpectedly, but we live in a magical age where google is available. Maps, apps, phone numbers, timetables, the information is available somewhere. Might be difficult, but it's not often 100% impossible. Now, sometimes it genuinely is, but more often than not it's just more effort than people can be arsed to make.

I had a colleague who desperately wanted to live in a pretty village with shit public transport, despite the fact they couldn't drive, so they moved there . And they were late for work every single day. It was pretty frustrating for everyone else who got to work on time.

I'm totally car spoilt. My daily life and timings are planned around the convince of having access to a car. I do struggle without my car as it's a big adjustment