To think it's ridiculous how people go to pieces when they don't have their car

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

This might be unpopular.

Being able to drive and having a car to get around seems to be a sign that you have your shit together and you are a proper adult.

However, I have witnessed so many times people that are used to cars, absolutely failing to cope the minute they no longer have access to one, even if it's just for a day. Where as people who use public transport frequently have to plan around last minute cancellations and lateness and are actually required to be more organised.

A couple of examples.

SIL (BIL's wife) had a company car for years. She now doesn't work enough hours to have it so she lost her company car. I made what I thought was a genuine and helpful comment about the fact that she's lucky she lives on a great bus route and got given looks of disgust and no-one even answered me. It was as though they thought I was deliberately trying to be factious or something. Now MIL comes and takes her on days out with her toddler and even takes her shopping because she no longer has a car and claims she can't get anywhere. I have two children and have always managed days out and shopping with out one.

Someone once called in to work and said they were going to be late because their car had broken down and they had to get a bus. There was an out pouring of sympathy for her, people were calling her every few minutes to check she was OK and making jokes about how horrible it must be for her. She turned up at the office a whole hour late, was hailed as some sort of hero for getting there and told not to worry if she had to be late for the rest of the week while she got her car sorted. I lived on the next street over and got there on the bus every single day.

AIBU to think these people kind of need to grow up a little bit and handle their shit?

I've got no other alternative than my car to get to work. I start at 4am and there's no public transport so for me and my staff it means losing a days wages if our car breaks down.

I have the opposite experience to you in that the people I know who don't drive get very stressed easily. They don't drive because of it and don't have much resilience overall. Of course that's not true of everyone! Just my experience.

It's a lot of people. Loads. Probably most drivers I know tbh.

You sound so butthurt OP, are you feeling left out? Did you not get an invite to the farm park?

My MIL took me and DC out in her car x2 weeks ago. Purely because we like spending time together - I actually drive AND use public transport in equal measure.

I’d be damned if I did a full shop without a car though, I get mine delivered.

Actually do get that.

We never got lifts with my parents - but they stopped telling us about family events saying we wouldn't be able to get there or we'd want lifts. Felt like a self fulling prophecy don't tell us so we can't find out if we can and we probably could have got to there easily enough. Even been made an issue round funerals when we juts got taxies inconvenience no-one else - but the drama made was hurtful.

Mostly though just ignore it.

One factor is If one has lived in London or similar city with a decent public transport system. One takes a different view.
My BIL has not been on a bus since he was a student. Trains yes, 100miles to London sensible. Will he use a bus to visit a restaurant or come to us for a meal so that he can have a drink - no never! (30 mins)
And he votes LibDem.

I am a petrol-head, it's my generation, but we go out to lunch where we can on the bus.

Well you get used to having a car in the same you get used to having to get buses.

I leave my house with enough time to get somewhere by car but when I came out to find a flat tyre, then, yes, I was going to be late because I hadn't factored in breakdown time in my journey, why would I? It's not an every day occurrence.

Your work colleague is wrong to say that she'd be late every day though, first day, fine but not every day after that.

It depends on circumstances though. If I suddenly didn't have my car it would cause chaos because I live rurally and can't get a bus to work because there literally is no bus. Then there's kids to get to after school activities and all that stuff.
If I knew I couldn't have a car or drive anymore I would have to consider moving house

Most drivers you know have, in your company, both disparaged none drivers and also happened to have a driving emergency where they’ve panicked and not been able to cope with public transport?
I’ve been driving for 21 years and never had an occasion where I’ve lost access to my car and had to use public transport. So even if I disparaged non drivers (I don’t), there has never been an occasion for me to panic about using public transport due to not having access to a car. Seems unusual that most drivers you know have fulfilled both criteria that are the premise for this thread.

Taxi, in some areas taxis are becoming rare. We live in a big village, good buses north or south. East - west impossible. I had the chance to go to a meeting in a village to the East. No taxi firms in the area. There is a firm that does Airport trips but not 4 miles local.
Sorry to go off topic.

The thing is, @orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements, you are going to notice the people who are making a big fuss over being without their cars, but are less likely to notice the people who are just getting on with it, without any fuss.

Or are very expensive or both.

We don't have that where we live - city - but has been an issue visiting some family members in rural locations in recent years when previously it wasn't.

Navigating a holiday in Cornwall on public transport was fun. Buses every 2 hours and often turned up 45 minutes late. We managed fine though with a few hiccups. I don't drive. I never will unless there's a huge change in my financial situation. I live somewhere with buses and trains that aren't London or city good but they are good enough when I need to use them except for the once an hour bus to swimming lessons that changes its pattern at the time I need it. We still manage though.
People without cars from the start or for long periods know how to get around but people suddenly forced to rely on public transport are completely flummoxed.
I do hate the narrative on mumsnet of non-drivers not being proper grown ups, always expecting lifts or not having an essential life skill.

@mickeymoist we were in Tintagel and were told there was a one man band taxi service and we had no chance. We walked.

Yanbu OP and a lot of the comments prove it or miss your point. I agree completely that knowing what public transport is available and how to use it is also a life skill (or just in general having back up plans for your life if something unexpected happens!) but people behave as though it isn’t. Acting as though your life will end without your car if the fact is it will just be inconvenient is not very adult behaviour. At my work people get there in many different ways and the most you’d hear if someone’s car broke down is a ”oh no this was annoying” comment and then they get on with it.

Not everyone has reliable public transport. I’m very rural and without a car I would be literally stranded.

Almost everyone I know has, on hearing I don't drive, made a disparaging comment or at best, a condescending glance, yes. If I happen to mention one little thing about public transport like "the bus was late today" or "I wish they wouldn't keep changing the number 5 timetable" I will 9 times out of ten get a little laugh and "well, learn to drive then!" people are really quite rude about it and I do feel looked down on (funnily enough if that same person's car broke down I very much doubt I would get away with laughing and saying "well, get a bus then!").
It's at a point now where I will not mention how I got somewhere and will only bring up being a non-driver if I absolutely have to, because the reaction is rarely pleasant.
And almost every person I know that has had a car emergency, will indeed go to pieces and moan like hell if they don't have their car. My mother is the worst for it. I'm surprised she doesn't end up in A&E every time she's due an MOT.

But that is not in any way what this thread is about.

I note that you and everyone else talking about how stupid adults who can't cope without cars are have pointedly avoided responding to my post about having to use a wheelchair.

Can i assume i'm exempt, or have you never tried to negotiate public transport in a self-propelled wheelchair and assume i ought to just get on with it too?

They can't see past the frothy rage. 🤣

I'm happy to use buses/trains to go out but I wouldn't be able to cope without a car for school run/work. I have to be at work before 8am and have 3dc to drop off at 2 different schools/childcare and my work is up a country lane with a 45min walk to the nearest bus stop. Twice I've had prolonged car troubles and I've used taxis on day 1 and picked up a hire car for the following few days. Our morning routine is actually impossible to do by public transport.

Yes I get you OP

I can’t drive, live rurally but manage to get about by public transport. I have a friend in the same village who hasn’t had access to a car for a year because she leant it to her son at uni. She has basically not left the village unless her DH is able to drive her. I offered to go with her on the bus but she apparently “couldn’t face it”. She’s just stayed put rather than get a bus because it’s too hard 🤷🏻‍♀️

The thing is, its time. Buses are incredibly slow, especially outside cities. If you are used to a car you often have routine built around journeys not taking long & requiring very little planning.

Eg where i live, imagine it is 10am and you want to go to the supermarket in the nearby town 4 miles away. Its about 7 mins drive in the car.

By bus... well. There's no bus til 10.40, so you have to wait. The bus then does a very long loop to take in another nearby village & a rail station, and takes 30 minutes to actually get you to the supermarket at 11.10

You spend just under an hour to do your shopping and come out to get the bus back. But you've just missed one. The next isn't for half an hour. You actually only get home at 1pm.

By car.... you leave at 10am, get to the supermarket by 10.10, and are back home before 11.30.

If you are working and don't have things on your doorstep, you just don't have time for buses.

I'm moaning about the people that don't and just sit and feel sorry for themselves and then let their MILs take them to some farm park that's five minutes away on a bus that stops outside their door.

But hardly anyone has a bus stop outside their door, and 5 minutes on any of our local bus routes gets you about half a mile down the same road. For an extortionate price.

If you have endless time maybe thats fine, but most people dont.

Many journeys are definitely easier with a car and I definitely miss mine when it’s at the garage. But I live 5 minutes walk from a tube station, 10 minutes from a rail station, 2 minutes from a bus route and 15 minutes from a bus station and 30 minutes walk from work.

I’ll happily leave my car to get to the other side of London or to take a train to Scotland or Cornwall.