To think it's ridiculous how people go to pieces when they don't have their car

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

This might be unpopular.

Being able to drive and having a car to get around seems to be a sign that you have your shit together and you are a proper adult.

However, I have witnessed so many times people that are used to cars, absolutely failing to cope the minute they no longer have access to one, even if it's just for a day. Where as people who use public transport frequently have to plan around last minute cancellations and lateness and are actually required to be more organised.

A couple of examples.

SIL (BIL's wife) had a company car for years. She now doesn't work enough hours to have it so she lost her company car. I made what I thought was a genuine and helpful comment about the fact that she's lucky she lives on a great bus route and got given looks of disgust and no-one even answered me. It was as though they thought I was deliberately trying to be factious or something. Now MIL comes and takes her on days out with her toddler and even takes her shopping because she no longer has a car and claims she can't get anywhere. I have two children and have always managed days out and shopping with out one.

Someone once called in to work and said they were going to be late because their car had broken down and they had to get a bus. There was an out pouring of sympathy for her, people were calling her every few minutes to check she was OK and making jokes about how horrible it must be for her. She turned up at the office a whole hour late, was hailed as some sort of hero for getting there and told not to worry if she had to be late for the rest of the week while she got her car sorted. I lived on the next street over and got there on the bus every single day.

AIBU to think these people kind of need to grow up a little bit and handle their shit?

Anything that changes your normal way of doing things is tough.

a last minute change will mean that she maybe late - if you go out at 8 realise your car has broken down then have to get organised and to the bus then it’s understandable that will make you late. Bus trips tend to take longer than car trips so it makes sense. Rest of the week though no reason she can’t be more organised!

I have a disabled child so although for me I could manage without a car if needed for him it would make life very difficult and mean a lot of work needed to get him safely to school and appointments.

As someone who didn’t drive for years and now owns a car it is so much easier and better than often unreliable, patchy public transport services. For example, a journey that used to take me an hour on public transport now takes 15 mins. It’s a huge adjustment and inconvenience to be without a vehicle - I say that as someone currently sitting on a packed out bus to pick up her car from the garage after being fixed.. it’s rubbish!

With a car you have so much spontaneity - everything on public transport needs pre planned and it does get very tedious after a while.

This is me, i hate being without my car.

Once, when it went in for some work and was going to be in all day, I hired a car even though all that hire car did was sit on my drive all day! I never even went anywhere, just wanted a car available.

I get that a car is easier - of course it is - but I just don't get how when people have to go without one they act like their world has come to an end and people rush to help them instead of expecting them to figure their shit out. SIL wouldn't even entertain the idea of a bus.

I mean your example on the second one......I dont believe for one minute people were calling her every couple of minutes, that would just be ridiculous. And on the morning she was an hour late and you weren't, did you have to wait for recovery and get your car sorted or did you just get yourself to work? Do you know her bus routes and know she can get there as easily as you can?

The first one, yeah that's laziness not jumping a bus. However her Mum probably wants to take her out, me and my Mum go out together but we both have cars.

That's absolutely crazy.

😆. I’ve travelled far & wide on public transport. It’s terrifying in some countries, but far more exciting than driving here that’s for sure. The silly cunts!

It's a skill, it takes time to develop. Not being willing to try is silly, but a period of adjustment isn't ridiculous, imo. Nor is being grumpy about it!

I agree op. I've seen so many written here "driving is an essential life skill", comparing it to learning how to cook. Driving is a skill reserved for those who have the financial privilege of being able to afford to learn and afford a car. Being able to manage without a car is a life skill! (I understand that for some eg pp above with disabled child it is essential).

it's the change that is often the issue. Someone unused to public transport won't have the apps or know what alternatives are available if there is a cancellation. Likewise if you were handed a car you might find parking or looking for a spot really stressful, and long for the time you could just sit and scroll on your phone or whatever.

I do get your point though, people with cars forget they are a luxury and take them for granted all the time.

First one - they absolutely were calling her. Her work BF was calling her and loudly making jokes about this horrible ordeal she was going through - "I can't believe you got a bus!! what's it like? are there smelly people on the bus?" No joke and I was sitting right there hearing all this. Then when other people came into the office she was telling them and THEY were then calling her. It had to be seen to be believed.

Second one - it's not her mum, she is BIL's wife, and it's her MIL too. She's in the same situation as me with one less child.

Yeah, in hindsight, it was.

To be fair if you are relying on public transport here to get to work you'd be about a week late I reckon! I can't get a loaf of bread without a car 😂

So how you've just described it sounds like they were all calling her taking the piss out of her because she doesn't do public transport. People would be laughing and taking the piss out of my DH he's been on a bus about twice in his entire life.

Yabu in a way.

People make decisions on what they do and their lifestyle/commitments based on their access to a car.

For example... it would take me over an hour to get DD to Scouts by bus. Takes 20min by car. She wouldn't go to Scouts if we didn't have a car. (Taxi would be £10 each way)

It's a pain if you have a busy, stressful job and you aren't used to the public transport system locally because you don't normally use it. Plus lots of people live in areas where there is a very poor or limited public transport service. I have no love of driving, and don't mimd travelling by public transport at all, but if I suddenly had to do it unexpectedly in the middle of a working week, I'd be pissed off. For a start, it would mean a half hour walk to the station and a half hour walk back.

I get that it's the change that the issue, but in both my examples there has been an adjustment period, the people were just acting like there was no other alternative to driving or being driven.

Depends.. i'm disabled, i use crutches to walk around, but if i needed to use public transport it'd mean switching to my wheelchair because standing/walking around all day for that long would absolutely exhaust me and i'd be useless after one day of it... so yes, i'd be pretty much fucked without my car.

You do work with some people who have led a sheltered life OP. I would not be happy to work with them in a real crisis.

Though I agree that smelly people are a reason some avoid public transport, and I am not convinced lack of access to a shower is the reason for many of them.

Your SIL seem to be taking it too far in the first example as I don’t know why she can’t try and adapt now that its a long term thing. Like she’s can’t rely on lifts from your mil forever.
However for your second example, I don’t believe that anyone was calling them every hour as that’ll just be stupid but I can see why they were an hour late. When you have a car and your journey just takes 15 minutes or something, you don’t get out of the house an hour earlier just in case your car doesn’t start. When it happened, he obviously needs to organise somethings like if needed recovery so that the repairs can be done and he can be early the next day, they then take public transport etc which means they can’t be there the time they expect. I’ll expect them to have organised themselves for the next days anyway. If my car broke down and I’m going to work, I’ll just have to work from home that day and my employer will prefer than to me getting in 1.5 hours later which is what will happen after I’ve done my school and nursery run which normally takes minutes before getting a taxi to work.

But would you not think that making jokes about how smelly people use buses right next to a person that uses a bus every day would be really rude?

To be fair with the second example they were probably at least partly commiserating about how much of faff and expense it would be to sort the broken car.

Lots of people really dislike public transport and tbh in this country its understandable - I sometimes take the bus into my local city centre and its usually late, takes nearly 3 times longer than driving, is often filled with loud, smelly and antisocial people (there are, of course, loud smelly and antisocial car users but I don't have to sit next to them and smell them or listen to their shit music if we are in our individual cars!), and last time some twat threw a brick through the window, several people got injured and the rest of us had to walk the remaining two miles home in the dark in the middle of the night (it was the last bus and too short a distance for a taxi to come out) through a dodgy area.

That's if there is public transport going to where you want it. Door to door for me to drive to my parents house is 40 mins. To get public transport would take 1 bus, then a train, then another bus, then either a third bus that only comes about once an hour or a forty minute walk. About 5 hours in total. They live in a good sized town too, not rurally.

So yes some people act as though using public transport is unpleasant and inconvenient - because often it is!

In fairness to your SIL, doing a big shop with a toddler on public transport is hard.

I think it depends on what public transport is like in your area and if it even exists.

I'm in Somerset and there are two train lines that run through the county and from east to west and nothing from north to south of the county. There is one bus a day from my village to the local town which leaves at around 10.15 and returns at about midday so no good for work or school commutes.

The anti car posts are almost always based on good public transport. We don't all have that.

It also very much depends where you live. Where I am public transport is shocking both in how regular it is and how reliable. I’m in a medium size town but the bus system is poor and we have no train station.

if you live in a city or somewhere with good transport links then it is much easier when you don’t have a car