Rudeness of people increasing

[Honest1980]

Just that really - not sure whether it's just me or whether other people are experiencing this. Few examples.

Daughter getting braces. One of the admin there messed something up but since being really off with me. I had to send a email and she replied quite curtly. I will complain if happens again but why be so rude?

Ordered full length mirror off amazon, arrived smashed. Had to return it at evri parcelshop. As soon as I walked in with it shop keeper was rude to me firing loads of questions saying wouldn't be accepted because of size etc. Clearly didn't want to accept it. I had trouble scanning qr code, shop keeper shouting at me that I'm not holding phone properly. Really rude. He kept telling me how to hold phone to get qr on screen and I kept telling him qr code on screen between lines cannot understand why not scanning. I knew it was because he didn't want to accept parcel so that made me more stubborn to not take it elsewhere. I was really calm and polite. I asked him to please help me and he actually said "No I'm not going to help you". A few minutes later I said please help otherwise I'll be here all day. He was so rude "OK I'll do it but I'm not touching your phone if I drop and break it you'll sue me you're all the same". He took a picture and scanned it. Then went on about packaging that it better not fall apart etc. It was packaged well.

When I went out of shop I realised that I should have adjusted brightness on phone. I have returned lots of parcels fine. I go to that shop a lot but won't anymore. It's owners son I think, I've never seen him before.

Couple of people at work so rude. Work in large office. Some are in their 50s but act like school kids whispering, purposely blocking corridors when they know you want to get past, one was aghast that I took her lunch put of microwave when she had left it so I could use microwave.

People in shopping centres not moving put of way. Had instance of standing outside shop with my daughter while I looked for something in my bag, plenty of room behind me. Mum and dad with you son all holding hands walked right up to me and just stood there expecting me and my daughter to jump put of way despite being lots of room to.walk.round us. Then says really loudly "excuse you!". I just looked at him and said "walk around". He said something sarcastic when they did walk around.

Eating out. We generally have a good experience but some are so rude and unhelpful.

I know all the above sounds petty and everyone experiences same - and I can deal with it, might be annoyed for a bit but I move on. But it seems to happen a lot and I just wonder if people are becoming more rude and entitled.

Also, do you think that sometimes your appearance affects how you are treated? I've put on some weight (although am losing it now) and before I used to make effort with hair and make up. I've found when I've been my heaviest and not making effort with appearance people have been ruder to me than when I was slimmer and made effort.

Essay over!

Parents should teach kids discipline, manners, toilet training etc

Schools are not a substitute for parenting

This is why I never get a double seat to myself on a train or bus! I must look like the least confrontational person on it.

Schools and parents should work together I think.

Of course parents should teach manners from the very start. But that needs to be reinforced at school too.

Personally I think that is one of the best things about the British.

I’ve lived in Holland, France and briefly in Germany and their communication style can be very direct, bordering on rude.

I think you need to chill a little bit - or maybe look at CBT. Taking things far too personal.

I think it's online personas that are now becoming part of real personas. Over the last few years people have got away with being more direct or even rude on social media and chat rooms like this without any consequence so they think they can start behaving like that in real life.

Thanks so much for this - great advice. I hope the dispute gets sorted quickly for you.

The people being rude need to chill a little or maybe look at CBT. Thanks though for the, err, "advice".

I think shouting at someone is rude. Both men in my examples could have spoken to me in a normal tone rather than shouting and being aggressive.

I work with a lovely Polish lady who is very direct and frank without the need to raise her voice. Totally different.

I'm fascinated by the OP's work colleagues who purposely block corridors when the know people are trying to get past.

I've made up a scenario in my head about the work colleague who was aghast that the OP removed the work colleague's lunch from the microwave. Now I'm imaging that the work colleague wasn't anywbere near the microwave at the time to remove their lunch themselves (because otherwise presumably the OP would have spoken to them about needing the microwave themselves or asked of its ok to remove the lunch). In my scenario the work colleague wasnt there because they'd received the secret signal and had had to rush off to purposely block a corridor.

Haven't decided what the secret signal looks like but as i imagine it must take a lot of dedication to block a corridor and not budge when someone says "excuse me" or "sorry can i get past" I'm thinking it'd be like the bat signal in the Batman cartoons. So now I'm imaging the corridor blocking colleagues have matching costumes. 😀

I think the microwave example is a strange one. Where was she? Maybe she'd just popped to the bathroom?

I don't think I'd be massively impressed if someone took it upon themselves to take my food out of a shared microwave. There could still be more cooking time on it.

I'm not entirely sure that's an example of her being rude, actually.

I’m not rude to people but I am cross, and trying to be more upbeat, horrible cruel wars, planet heading for destructive weather events and horrific pollution, world controlled by half a dozen selfish male IT company owners, AI coming so no jobs for songwriters, authors, doctors etc etc etc -struggling to be cheery.

edited to say my point is humans are doing all of this so it’s hard to like them

Someone up thread said that one of the reasons for increasing rudeness was a lack of shame and I think that is spot on.

I could have put money on the fact that, having read the OP, someone would come along to say that people were stressed and lo and behold, there it was on the very first reply and has since been repeated by several others.

A few other excuses have also been made-one poster even suggested that the rude family holding hands might have been unable to walk around the OP because the child might not have been able to walk,

Everyone has an excuse for bad and rude behaviour-it's anxiety, stress, ADHD, PTSD, selective mutism, fear of saying thank you, Covid is to blame-most of it is bullshit. And, of course, because of all these excuses, we are told that judging is bad-we are only seeing a snapshot of their lives or some other lily livered twaddle.

Even if you do have one of these conditions, so what. If you can't behave when you are out and about then maybe stay at home.

However, by having an excuse-or having an excuse made for them-then rude people never have to acknowledge the fact that they are rude cunts.

They are excused from having to feel shame at their total lack of manners.

Bring back shame and, I'm afraid judging. But we won't and the Goths are not only at the gate, they're well and truly in and setting the agenda.

I agree. It’s raised voices and use of language that is either insulting or expletive. That has definitely increased.

My grandparents just didn’t use expletives fullstop, my parents very seldom and for something really frustrating. I remember my Dad suddenly letting one rip when we were about three quarters of the way to Cornwall and he remembered he had left a suitcase outside waiting to be packed into the car. But it caused quite an impact for me. These days children must hear swearing several times a day. Once it was seen as coarse; these days many seem to feel they haven’t fully dealt with a vexing issue if they haven’t thrown one in. You even see it online here.

I think people are getting ruder - it’s now the norm for checkout assistants to silently ignore you as you process your shopping or gesture to the total on the screen.

I also think the Evri man in ops post was clear he didn’t want to accept her parcel. I think it’s a bit rude and entitled to think cos he’s an evri shop he has to accept every parcel. If he has no room to store it he can say no and you having a stand off with him in the shop was rude.

It was more her reaction to it. There are about 50 people sharing the microwave. I only get 15 mins lunch. Mine was nearly finished when she came back in. Hers didn't need more cooking time as she took it. I did apologise to her when she came in.

Exactly. If the shop worker had just said "look I don't really have room could you take it to another drop off" I would have done, there is another a couple of streets away, I just wanted to get rid of the mirror.

But shouting at me, actually saying "no I'm not going to help you" is just rude.

Yes I’d have done the same. There’s no doubt the nappy family was out of line.

But I think the problem these days is everyone wants retribution, and to fight fire with fire, and the chance of expressing how displeased they are as some kind of demonstration of their strength, when in fact all that was really needed was to get the nappy removed.

ETA that, interestingly, many would suggest that sort of need ( to assert oneself that way) actually stems from its opposite, namely an overwhelming sense of disempowerment, and perhaps that it is the real issue we are facing as a society. Too many people feel unheard and lacking true autonomy.

When I worked in retail, it was during the time when Lotto was changing from 49 to 59 numbers and we couldn't do tickets beyond that date of the change. Customer bought 4 weeks worth. I said we only could 2 weeks as terminal wouldn't accept it. The man grabbed his slips and shouted "I'm going to the newsagents opposite!"
"You will have the same problem there too"

Most customers accepted this but that was rude and the issue with the lottery wasn't our fault.

Again though, and now I’m postulating for myself really, that is kind of a sense of lack of control or disempowerment: he wants the tickets, you ( understandably ) declined, he feels helpless to get what he wants so aggressively tries to demonstrate he can get what he wants - to comfort himself as much as anything.

I am a bit surprised by that. One of the reasons I sometimes get really frustrated with retail staff is because I have worked in retail and other customer service roles and know I wouldn't have got away with eg ignoring people waiting at a till.

It doesn't excuse rudeness, but some customer service is appalling.

In contrast people can be lovely to your face, then slagging you off when you are out of earshot!

That thought might have bothered me when I was younger, but now I just think well if I’m sailing on a wave of polite interactions, my Amazon parcels dropped off, no one having harassed me for standing in the wrong spot, do I really care? 🤷🏻‍♀️

People are arseholes lately but you have to rise above! And don’t take it personal. I took my twin toddlers to the library story time yesterday. On leaving my pram was stuck behind 2 others. I shouted across to the mums ‘do you mind if I move the prams to get mine.’ One mum tutted, rolled her eyes, got up and stormed over shouting ‘you can just move them’. I was a bit irked for a few hours but then thought, fuck it. If people are that angry and grumpy for no reason, they must be quite unhappy.

Yes I've experienced this many times too and the rudeness of some people is astounding and unnecessary, like it's your fault that you're in their way.

Recently a woman in Sainsburys crashed her trolley into mine as she came around the corner and she gave me such a death stare, I actually asked her what her problem was, apart from not looking where she was going. She said everyone was in her way today and she was stressed, WTF? I let it go but if I'd got young children with me and she had hit one of them, it could have been disastrous.

Some people are just so F-ing rude and entitled😒